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Vegetarian Scrap, This Is An Offensive Article, Plus The Bravest Man In MCR

Sleuth Wk 21: Offence, Absurdity, Idiot Men And Lies To Tell Tourists

Published on May 22nd 2014.


Vegetarian Scrap, This Is An Offensive Article, Plus The Bravest Man In MCR
 

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Warning. These are a mainly serious set of Sleuths

Reds True Barbecue And the Art Of Amusing Advertising

Vegetarianism was at the centre of a mighty row this week. Reds True Barbecue, the very meaty Albert Square purveryor of Americana food, released a series of tongue-in cheek ads. These pictured sad looking folk with the strapline 'Don't let Vegetarianism happen to someone you love' and then a phone number. It was designed in that familiar charity emotional pull-on-your-heartstrings manner. It was hilarious - look. Of course there were complaints, it's 2014, after all. 

Very funny, really very funny

 

Very funny, really very funny

Sleuth Gets Annoyed Not Offended

Then Reds did something which annoyed Sleuth. They stopped the ads and apologised (click here) in the face of a blither of weeping and wailing from people who think if they can find some offence in something it's their duty to be offended by it. Dear me Reds, strength of your convictions eh boys? Sleuth reckons that by saying sorry Reds kow-towed to the sort of people who get offended even if - as with this joke veggie campaign - the object of their offence isn't their beef - pun completely intended.

The Art Of Being Offended For Other People

Sleuth had a twitter row with a person who wasn't a vegetarian about the funny Reds' poster. He compared the ads to racism and homophobia as though vegetarians have faced decades of discrimination with a lack of opportunity and violence thrown in. Sleuth can't recall the last time a vegetarian was in the news for being beaten up just because they were vegetarian - although he's pretty sure somebody will point out an instance on the rants below.  

This man is suspected of not, and of never having been, a vegetarian. He's been caught Reds-handed eating meaty matter on many occasions

This man is suspected of not, and of never having been, a vegetarian. Here he's been caught Reds-handed again

Howard Jacobson And Why It's Good To Be Offended

Sleuth wonders about this ability to bask and bathe in offence. Being offended now and then is good for us surely, puts the real issues in perspective? Howard Jacobson, the Man Booker prize winning novelist, and a Manchester man, is big on this. Writing about a sick joke (click here), he said: 'Precisely because it was offensive is the answer. Precisely because it was off-colour, cruel, heartless, in the very worst of taste. We need relieving sometimes not just of propriety and discretion but of grief and horror. And comedy is the place we go to get that relief. It isn't that in comedy anything goes; in comedy anything must go. If you're not being offended you might as well stay home.'  

Howard Jacobson

 

Howard Jacobson

Sleuth An Apology For Causing Offence

Sleuth would like to apologise to Yaya Toure for causing offence by forgetting his birthday. Even though Sleuth isn't a City fan, his middle son is, so Sleuth forgetting or not celebrating Yaya Toure's birthday is unforgivable - if not as unforgiveable as the BBC interviewing his agent and not asking, "Doesn't Yaya Toure think this makes him look like an absolute idiot especially to fans who struggle to afford Etihad ticket prices while he earns almost £300k a week?' 

Sleuth With An Apology For The Apology For Causing Offence 

To anybody offended by that apology Sleuth would like to apologise.

Sleuth's Hero Of The Week

Sleuth's hero of the week is this man who during last weekend's gorgeous weather decided to take in the view.

Sleuth was slightly worried about him dropping his beer bottle but couldn't help admire the agility and the cocksure dandy-ness of it all.  

Mind you if you look at the dimensions of the apartment he occupies on Hanging Ditch then he probably needed to find a little more space in which to relax.

Spot the man on the edge looking down on Manchester, sun on his back, beer in his hand

 

Spot the man on the edge looking down on Manchester, sun on his back, beer in his hand

Sleuth's Worst Name Of The Week 

Sleuth receives the police reports and on Thursday found out Domenyk Noonan, he of the big wheel climbing exploits, was in trouble again. He learnt through the police report Noonan had changed his name to Domenyk Lattlay-Fottfoy. The latter is an acronym for ‘Look After Those That Look After You – Fuck Over Those That Fuck Over You’. Seriously disturbed doesn’t go close.

Sleuth's Unlikeliest Bottle Of Grog Of The Week

Sleuth was a little surprised to find in the Ordsall Tesco Express on Trafford Road, bottles of Dom Perignon at £115, there's Krug too, at £134. Ordsall is, let's say, a colourful Salford estate now going through a huge re-invention and redevelopment. Sleuth reckons it must be doing better than expected. Unless the bottles are for Peel Group at nearby MediaCityUK celebrating the lease they persuaded the BBC to sign. 

Expensive champagne in Ordsall

Expensive champagne in Ordsall

Pigs On Pavements Provide Moral Message

Back to taking offence and food - it's the flavour of the month you know. PETA are excited at present. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are vegan and they're as evangelical as born again God-botherers. This week is Vegetarian Week and 22 May was ex-Smiths’ frontman Morrissey’s birthday, so PETA stencilled twenty pigs on Manchester pavements stating ‘Meat is still murder’, in recognition of The Smiths album Meat is Murder from 1985. Why Manchester? Well the band were from here of course. Sleuth found one of the stencilled pigs on the pavement outside the Confidential office. It made him hungry. 

Pigs on pavements

Pigs on pavements

Something Joyous (Mostly) On Sleuth This Week At Last - A Fine Fine Dinner

Chicken, morels, asparagus heavenChick, morels, asparagus joyThat Michael Caines can’t half cook. Confidential was along for An Evening with Michael Caines at the MC Abode Restaurant. Pure bloody genius. The standout course was the boudin of chicken with morels so excellent they made Sleuth weep for the joy of good food. Then there was the loaf of love.

"What is this?" Sleuth asked with his mouth full.

The object of his desire was a loaf which when opened and lavished with salty butter produced a semi-catatonic esctasy. Sleuth reckons it's a legal high.

Michael Caines explained how the loaf was made. After the first five minutes Sleuth realised there was no point trying to bake the thing at home, it was too complex. By the way the bread is called Pain de Morvan and involves bran, honey and no regrets at all. Go along and snaffle some.

Pain de Morvan with some lovage in the sunshine in Sleuth's garden

 

Pain de Morvan with some lovage in the sunshine in Sleuth's garden

Lies To Tell Tourists - New Shop For King Street

Sleuth hears the new council initiative offering discounted rates for 18 months for shops left empty for a year is already bearing fruit - Confidential exclusive here. In King Street next week Sleuth learns the first Apology Shop will open. Here apologies can be bought off the shelf for all manner of occasions when individuals feel they have caused offence. There will be two departments: downstairs will be for sincere apologies, upstairs will be for insincere apologies. 

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

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15 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Poster BoyMay 22nd 2014.

Sleuth will be suggesting that groups of Romanian men make bad neighbours next...

1 Response: Reply To This...
Analogy NoneMay 23rd 2014.

Not sure what analogy Poster Boy is drawing there. Certainly not a valid one.

DigsterMay 22nd 2014.

“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." - Stephen Fry

Calum McGMay 23rd 2014.

The Reds posters were hilarious, loved them and shared with my mates. Am I a veggie? No comment. Did my veggie workmate love them? Yes! Ha.

Pat KarneyMay 23rd 2014.

I apologise for the transparent untruths in reference to King St above. Myself and Barry Manilow will be opening the worlds first Apology Shop next Thursday. It's two for one for one week only. Patrick Copacabana

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousMay 23rd 2014.

Stick to sorting the city out, Pat

AnonymousMay 23rd 2014.

Nowtrage (nowt-rage) n. Lame and unconvincing tabloid outrage designed to create a self-perpetuating storm of controversy. Also, nowtrageous (adj); eg: "This Jonathan Ross pensioner sex-joke story in the News of the World is embarrassingly nowtrageous."

1 Response: Reply To This...
DavidMay 23rd 2014.

This is outrageous.

AnonymousMay 25th 2014.

Those £115 bottles of booze are probably aimed at BBC staff rather than their landlord.

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

I hadn't seen the posters. The only reason I'm offended is that the chest-thumping of meat-eating supremacy by carnivores is incredibly hack and dated. It's like: Look at me being so politically incorrect in the fact of all this liberal do-goodery! Eat meat! Ooga Ooga. Let's poke each other with sticks instead of catering for all diets. What is this? 1994? And I'm not even a vegetarian.

4 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

It was... a joke...

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

Why would you want a BBQ restaurant to cater for vegetarian diets. It would be shit.

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

Having an item or two that was veg friendly would make the remaining barbecue items shit? Really? To answer your questions: so a large diverse group of friends could all eat there?

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

As we all know 'having an item or two' for vegetarians would have said vegetarians complaining that they were hardly being 'catered' for. When I go to a restaurant, I want the chefs focusing on what they do well. In the case of BBQ, that's meat. I could quite well eat there with a 'large diverse group of friends'...just probably not one with vegetarians.

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

I know. A very tired, hack, lazy joke that's been done a billion times before.

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