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Sleuth 20/01/2012

The Maddest Prank, The Rudest Food, More Lost Shoes And Wikipedia Defined

Published on January 19th 2012.


Sleuth 20/01/2012

Sleuth
Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
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Sleuth's Maddest Prank Of The Month

We don't think the image at the top of this page is photoshopped. We just think it's frightening. And certainly stupid. Here's a man sliding down the outside of the Manchester Arndale escalator ramp. We never actually thought the Food Hall at Manchester Arndale was that bad. Or that anybody needed to do such a desperate runner. Or slider.

Let's hope the strange proclivities of this man don't catch on. Although the back of that Urbis looks like fun.

Sliding Man Urbis %281%29

Massive Orderly Moles Infest Spinningfields

Sleuth couldn't believe his eyes yesterday. A family of disciplined moles had colonised the formerly green spaces of Spinningfields and produced a series of beautifully co-ordinated molehills.

Moles 028

More Enigmatic Heels

After these rather lovely but enigmatic shoes (click here) were discovered by Sleuth a couple of weeks ago, it appears there's an epidemic of the phenomenon. This week these shoes turned up on a city street. What is happening? Are ladies in despair over an unhappy purchase abandoning heels in the street?

More Lost Shoes

Sleuth's Surprising Food

Sleuth popped into Urban Deva's food event with Tantra organisation, Shakti Tantra at the Mark Addy pub in the city centre - click here. He arrived at the end of the meal to a wonderful sense of well-being amongst the diners. Although he did wonder what had been going on when a gentleman walked passed and said, "In the dark I licked chocolate off the nose of a woman I didn't know." Sleuth also heard someone saying that parts of the meal had been fashioned by chef Robert Owen-Brown to look like body parts. Urban Deva herself showed him a picture - see below. Sleuth who is very innocent in such matters, asked, "Is it an ear?" 

Img-20120118-00051

Still The World's Ugliest Statue Of A Woman Not For Sale In A Dodgy Garden Centre

We keep trying to give the World's Worst Set Of Sculpture award to other establishments across the world, but it's useless. The Trafford Centre wins again with it's terrible work from sculptors who obviously can't afford enough pink marble to fashion a full dress for their statues and have no skill in making the musculature of any of their females look vaguely convincing.

Explorer 008

Mother Pushes Child Into Cannibal Choirs' Mouths

Sleuth was up in the Ribble Valley for a food tasting this week when he picked up the free fortnightly paper, The Castle View, and saw this shocking picture. How could  this mother push this child into this cannibal choirs' mouths so enthusiastically?

Moles 023

The Kind Boy Of Bolton

Sleuth's most heartening picture of the week is below. What a lovely sentiment being expressed on that Bolton News A-board. Sleuth has no idea what the story's about and doesn't want to know because the paper might have been guilty of exaggeration and that would ruin it.

Kind

Wikipedia:The Truth

With the disappearance of Wikipedia for 24 hours on Wednesday Sleuth had to field anxious calls from several people in the media – indeed a helpline had to be set up for those who couldn’t cope.

Finally he asked Professor Paul Lagerism of Manchester University how he would define what was happening. 

This was the emailed response. 

‘There are two types of people in the world, broadly breaking down into these categories. 

‘Wikiphiliac (noun): a) A person (journalist) who never had a proper education or read anything properly as a child; b) TV researcher who has to get a quick handle on a disease or ailment for a serious broadcast feature; c) Child, student with homework or thesis to hand in shortly. 

‘Wikiphobiac (noun): a) Older person afraid of the internet; b) Intellectual snob who thinks cross referencing from at least ten credible sources is needed for every fact: c) Person who manifests both the previous characteristics, aka Brian Sewell.’ 

Sleuth was astonished, he picked up the phone and called the Professor for clarification. “I can’t give you any,” said the Prof, “Wikipedia’s down and I haven’t got a clue."

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22 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Richard HJJanuary 19th 2012.

crumbs.

andyj18January 19th 2012.

That's got to leave a serious wedgie

Rob DunnJanuary 19th 2012.

I heard he flew off at the bottom and died.

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousJanuary 19th 2012.

No he didn't.

Hero
Andrea TimoneyJanuary 19th 2012.

MINT!

EugeneJanuary 19th 2012.

why is there no-one one market street? what time was this taken???

HeadjackJanuary 19th 2012.

That's one way of dealing with the both of the escalators only going up...

AnonymousJanuary 19th 2012.

basically, he is just some little chav with nothing better to do than acting like a dickhead, and if he breaks his leg, its the taxpayer who picks up his bill

1 Response: Reply To This...
Calum McGJanuary 21st 2012.

How can you tell he is a chav? And why can't you spell?

Simon TurnerJanuary 19th 2012.

Not a chav. A student.

AnonymousJanuary 19th 2012.

With no one on the street, is this a set up? How did he get there?

JamieWJanuary 20th 2012.

Erm... same way the photographer got up ther too I suppose.

SmittyJanuary 20th 2012.

And yet Mancon fetes the dickheads who break into buildings to take pictures from their roofs. The only difference between those dickheads and this one is that at least this dickhead has a chance of surviving the fall should he slip over the side, whereas the dickheads who break on to the likes of the top of the Beetham Tower are highly unlikely to survive when one of them falls. I guess this kid's just a scrote, whereas the other dickheads are middle class ones who buy expensive cameras and hence are cool.

Think I need a cup of tea...

1 Response: Reply To This...
KieranJanuary 22nd 2012.

All modern commercial buildings have fall defence systems (railings) during construction to prevent people (normally builders) from falling out of a building!

SleuthJanuary 20th 2012.

Oh Smitty - fetes? Read the words

1 Response: Reply To This...
SmittyJanuary 24th 2012.

Sorry sleuth, I had the rage last Friday for some reason (but I did read the words, I wasn't talking about you celebrating this little eejit, but rather the ones who go and be, like, really cool, by breaking in to the top of the Beetham Tower).

EugeneJanuary 20th 2012.

why the uproar about the lad having a good time?

Times are hard and challenging enough for a lot of people and he is having a good time...he is taking a huge risk yes - but with what...his own life. Hardly beating up old ladies for their pension money...
Good for him, at least he has balls (for now)!

1 Response: Reply To This...
Calum McGJanuary 21st 2012.

I think it's hilarious. KILL JOYS ABOVE, EH?! If he breaks his leg or dies, it amounts to two things. Firstly, a retard tax. Secondly, natural selection.

AnonymousJanuary 21st 2012.

And here is proof that people will whine and whinge about absolutely everything. What harm is this lad doing? Yes, it's a bit daft but who actually gives a toss? I suggest they put a crash mat at the bottom and offer free rides to the miserable sods on here.

1 Response: Reply To This...
Calum McGJanuary 21st 2012.

No, for the miserable people, no crash mat. Just a mat for the happy folk!

EugeneJanuary 22nd 2012.

Ha ha ha. I suggest the misery guts get pushed off the top and gunged at the bottom. That would make em think twice about moaning for no apparent reason ! Long live foolish danger and excitement...whee!

David in CheshireJanuary 26th 2012.

Stepping through that entrance to the Trafford Centre always puts me into a brief panic, thinking that I've somehow been transported to a conference centre in Florida. The effect is cancelled as soon as we emerge into the dining area, which is unashamedly British.

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