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Sleuth Wk 24: Muse, Dizzee Rascal, Salford Uni Shock

The master of Manchester absurdity and sense returns

Written by . Published on June 9th 2013.


Sleuth Wk 24: Muse, Dizzee Rascal, Salford Uni Shock

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Departments To Be Closed At Salford University

Bit of a serious Sleuth this week. Insiders at Salford University are worried about the institution's contraction. Vice-Chancellor, Professor Martin Hall wrote an open letter this week. It included this: 'If student numbers fall, we must get a little smaller in order to maintain our current standards.  As we would no longer recruit, after 2013, to Modern Languages, Linguistics and areas of Politics and Contemporary History (except postgraduate security studies programmes), the School of Humanities, Languages & Social Sciences would eventually be dis-established.' The Law School is also closing after millions of investment to make it 'an example to other Law Schools' - not a very good one clearly;in legal terms, an open and shut-down case. The smaller Salford University - 19,000 students and heading south - means lots of job losses too. Morale is understandably at 'an all time low'. 

MOSI On Down

Our article on the troubles at MOSI got thousands of reads this week. Its possible closure would be a blow for Manchester's tourism and its reputation while hitting hard the educational sector - MOSI hosts tens of thousands of schoolkids. The situation has bemused many museum people given the large numbers of redundancies and cost saving measures across the Science Museum Group in recent years plus other whispered expenses and a massive failure to deliver on promises. Sleuth expects some Freedom of Information Act requests to be flying around in the next week or two to Director Ian Blatchford. 

Fashionable Apology

Here's an odd thing that's appeared on Manchester dress designer of the moment, Nadine Merabi's website. 'I accept that the business carried on up to 5 November 2012 which traded as and owns the brands Merabi by Nadine, Nadine Merabi and Merabi Collections was jointly founded and owned by Morgan Leahy and myself. He not only financially supported the business but jointly built it up to the position it was as of 5 November 2012 when the business relationship came to an end.  I also acknowledge the assistance provided to the business by The Offices North West Limited and its staff. I apologise for maintaining a position contrary to this to all concerned. I accept that that was wrong and we have now agreed to resolve our differences going forward.' Wow, thinks Sleuth, that's very frank. 

Hare Of The Dog

Sleuth’s Edinburgh correspondent sent this picture in of an establishment in the Scottish capital that probably doesn’t appear in the official Edinburgh International Festival brochure. Seems body snatching has moved on to body ogling. Wonder whe the company will put in their first Manchester application advertising pole dancing, lap dancing, burgers and pulled pork. You have to adapt for the local market. And Sleuth reckons pulled pork would be a smash in such a place.  

Burke and BareBurke and Bare

Massive Definition Of The Week

Sleuth took around the European seminar section for LS-DYNA from Manchester Central last Sunday showing off the city. Lovely people. But what on earth is LS-DYNA Sleuth wondered. “It’s a general-purpose finite element programme capable of simulating complex real world problems. It is used by the automobile, aerospace, construction, military, manufacturing, and bioengineering industries,” came the reply. Ah yes, I see, lied Sleuth.

Sleuth Loses His Hat

Sleuth was at the Muse concert last weekend. The editor was there too, recording appallingly poor YouTube clips. Dizzee Rascal was the support act and during the song Bonkers Sleuth couldn't help doing his bit to add to the mood by bouncing about a little. Shame Sleuth's hat fell off, which was embarrassing.

Muse Dismembered

During Muse's performance Sleuth had an argument with a man in his thirties who talked/shouted audibly throughout the entire show. He was audible despite Muse being one of the loudest bands around. His tone was thermonuclear. Sleuth managed to record it just in case he should ever be faced with a charging  bear then he could play it back and the bear would immediately throw itself off the nearest cliff. 

Meanwhile back on stage Muse played the song Animals about greedy bankers. A video montage of an actor playing a middle-aged banker bossing people about morphed into the man seemingly stepping out of the video and walking on stage. He punched the air in his pin stripe suit and snarled at the crowd. Then as the song reached its climax (with the line 'Kill yourself and do us all a favour') the banker had a fake heart attack. And fake died. The crowd went wild cheering and clapping the fella's supposed death. Maybe there's some mileage yet in public executions, thought Sleuth. 

Quote Of The Week

This is Phil Griffin’s magnificent summation of how he sees the state of Manchester’s ‘controlling thought’ in our article Original Modern: What happened to Mcr’s ‘non-brand’. Griffin said: “Original Modern has the demeanour and odour of a sleeping dog.” Whether you agree or not it’s a fabulous line.

Apostrophe Watch – Hole In One

A reader spotted this errant apostrophe and sent in this picture.

Sign's of the time's

Holey-moley. Sign's of the time's?

Mane Of The Week

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street by policemen, firemen, concierges, essential workers, LY-DNA delegates, Burke and Hare, Professor Martin Hall, Ian Blatchford, Dizzee Rascal, and the entire cast of the Manchester Day Parade, and asked: "Where can we find the best stone carving of a lion and a unicorn in the city centre?"

"Why," says Sleuth, "that would be on each side of the doorway of the Velvet Central on Mount Street, in  Lawrence Buildings from 1874 by architects Pennington and Bridgen. These used to be Inland Revenue offices and the lion and the unicorn are on the royal coat of arms so thought were suitable decorations here. Higher on the wall you can find a statue of Queen Victoria."

And to prove this he showed the policemen, firemen, concierges, essential workers, LY-DYNA delegates, Burke and Hare, Professor Martin Hall, Ian Blatchford, Dizzee Rascal, and the entire cast of the Manchester Day Parade this picture. 

Velvet Central's original bouncers have stony facesVelvet Central's original bouncers have stony faces

Pretty buildingPretty building

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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AeronJune 9th 2013.

Can Sleuth return to its Friday slot please?

Helen NicolsonJune 9th 2013.

bb

Helen NicolsonJune 9th 2013.

Talking of apostrophes, it's a pity about this redundant one in the MOSI story: "blow for Manchester's tourism and it's reputation" ...

AnonymousJune 9th 2013.

Does anyone know why we need FOUR University Law Schools in Manchester within a couple of miles of each other?

AnonymousJune 9th 2013.

Does Gordo need a bigger hat?

2 Responses: Reply To This...
GordoJune 10th 2013.

eh?

GordoJune 10th 2013.

eh eh?

StephJune 12th 2013.

What's the point of the Merabi story. Does it have anything to do with Confidential pushing The Offices quite vigorously over the past year? Could somebody please explain the point of it please? Thanks

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