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Sleuth 31/10/2008

Sir Alex Ferguson resigns over Brand incident (allegedly), new bar opens, a horrific ghost story and feeling tents

Published on October 31st 2008.

Sleuth 31/10/2008

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

View from inside
Sleuth got a call from a BBC insider yesterday complimenting him on Manchester Confidential’s spoof piece about the Ross/Brand crime of the century – click here . It was no names, no pack drill, but she did tell Sleuth this. “We’ve been letting people get away with too much, such as Frankie Boyle on Mock the Week. This has been talked about at senior level as well. Lesley Douglas [head of Radio 2] resigning is a bad move for the Corporation but some people here are thinking that it should be Thompson’s head that rolled. [Mark Thompson is the Director General of the BBC]. This goes right to the top. Anyway we're all waiting for the training courses and new procedures to fly out from the DG's office. More time wasted on courses.”

Whole world resigns
Sleuth’s getting concerned over the number of people who are resigning over the greatest story the world has ever known. First there was Brand, then Douglas. Then the guard dog in the car park round the corner from the Confidential office felt he had to go. Early this morning Sleuth's tram driver handed his notice in. Meanwhile in the early hours Sir Alex Ferguson resigned over the incident, Gordon Brown and all the cabinet did the same, followed by the Shadow Tory cabinet and the man in the moon. Now - Sleuth can’t believe it - God’s gone and resigned. As Sleuth’s BBC contact said, this really does go to the top.

View from abroad
Sleuth met up with a German journalist to show him around the city on Thursday. The journalist was holding a newspaper and laughing at the Ross/Brand affair. “Why does this matter so much?” he said. “It’s not important at all given what’s going on around the world.” "No," said Sleuth, "it isn’t. We can be very silly in Britain."

Hollyoaks gets a dressing down
The second screening in the country of the new James Bond film, the Quantum of Solace, took place last night in aid of Nordoff Robbins charity. The gala was enjoyed by Manchester's Bond lovers who had dressed up in their finest for this glamourous event at Manchester 235, AMC cinema and the Hilton Hotel. Flowing dresses and bow ties were worn by everyone. Everyone that is except stars of Hollyoaks. The group of cast members must have missed the part of the invite that said 'strictly black tie', turning up in a confused mixture of wool, denim and lycra. They looked like they should be sat in Deansgate pub next door. But then Sleuth doesn't think that the Hollyoaks cast are very good at difficult procedures such as reading.

North Pole moved
The pointy pavilion outside Urbis is now up and running as the North Pole bar. This is a new operation from our chums at Ear to the Ground, the Manchester events company, and opens until 11pm every night up until Christmas. It’s offering lovely drinks plus meat and veggie stews for under a fiver a bowl. You get inverted Christmas trees hanging down inside as well. Steve Smith of Ear to the Ground gave Sleuth various assurances: “it’s going to be a proper bar for grown-ups. We promise great music but no ear drum splitting volumes, it'll be ideal for a chat and laugh. Nor will it be like the German oompah tent in Albert Square. We’re going for easy-going quality.” “What about some events for the Emos outside? Goth nights with a faint away theme perhaps? A cocktail called The Self-harmer spiced with absinthe?” Steve Smith looked Sleuth in the eye: “Not really,” he said.

Feeling tents
Sleuth was talking to Alex Poots, Manchester International Festival (MIF) director last week – Confidential’s got an interview with him going up next week. Poots has his eye on the tent now operating as the North Pole outside Urbis as well. After all it was the original pavilion for the 2007 festival and is owned by the Council. MIF, or MILF, as Sleuth likes to call it, is, of course, a festival of new work. “The festival pavilion was at Manchester Central last time, which was too out of the way. This time we’re putting it right in Albert Square, to give the festival more presence,” Poots told Sleuth. “Then you can put that German oompah Christmas bar in it,” suggested Sleuth. “That would be neither orginal nor modern,” said Poots.

Fear stalks the city
It was Halloween 2008 and a mist was rising from the waters of the River Irwell. Howls of terror ripped the night. Screams of outrage rocked the buildings. Horrified opinion formers, certain shopping centre proprietors and a couple of council leaders were shaking in their boots. "What is it?” asked an unnerved Sleuth, “what are you so afraid of?” “It’s the thing we fear most, it’s our uttermost nightmare. It’s been haunting our minds, polluting our waking dreams, we’ll all be ruined,” they wailed. “Tell me, what is it?” urged Sleuth. “It’s ...it’s...it’s Congestion Charging, it’s the thing we cannot name,” they screamed. “Oh, the Transport Innovation Fund? You lot need to get over yourselves,” Sleuth said, walking away.

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18 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

cool4door60October 31st 2008.

I wonder whether the congestion charge will charge those that drive classic cars? But then again the congestion charge might as well be called another no reason motorists tax, the council are rubbish at spending tax payers money so what difference will they make with the money they make from the congestion charge?? public transport will never be any good unless it covers the region in entirety in that you can get from place to another quickly and hassle free for example tameside to wythenshawe, its never gonna happen because the people who are planning this move wont take that into consideration the same way there arent taking into consideration the views of the people who disagree with the congestion charge only recording those that do agree, not to mention falsifying reports in an ad campaign that must be costing the tax payer a fortune surely the money they have spean on the billboards, banners, and glossy magazine page adverts would of been able to kick start the 'new wonder' transport system without charging the motorist anymore than they already do, if i didnt need to drive to work and I could get there from where I live I would use public transport but lets face it buses are supposedly more eco friendly so the ads say but when you behind one and it bellowing out black smoke and looking as dirty as my missus, well eco friendly is the last word you would use to describe it, the fture of the transport for manchester will not change unless its built for the whole of the regions population not just those that vote yes in a one sided campaign

manchesterloverOctober 31st 2008.

To point out "friend of hollyoaks, if you were involved in the organisation, then you are surely very BAD at your job, you yourself said they "did not know it was a black tie event", maybe you should have put that in your filofax.....as for raising the profile, there are plenty of local "celebrities" who would have, firstly appreciated the even ofr what it was, secondly dressed accordingly, and lastly, read aup about the cause......unfortunately, the Hollyoaks crew were made to look stupid...by the organisers...well done! If people are angry here it's because of a lack of respect for the cause.....which could have been avoided.

AvoOctober 31st 2008.

So you're saying that the Hollyoaks lot were not even formally invited and they just gatecrased the event?

AvoOctober 31st 2008.

So, the North Pole Bar is officially open then?!?! Might drop by on Saturday night.

seabeeOctober 31st 2008.

i think a lot more money should be spent on teleporting like they have on star trek.a lot of people think this doesnt exist ,but last night i had about 10 pints and a few double vodkas.one minute i was in the pub the next i was at home on the bathroom floor no need for buses or taxis invest in teleportation i say.p.s does anyone else think that emily bishop of coronation street is fit id love to have my bare bottom spanked by her wearing thoughs tight leather gloves.just nipping tothe toilet with the tv mag be back in a bit folks

friend of hollyoaksOctober 31st 2008.

it is not that fault of the Hollyoaks crew that they were not fully clued up to the black tie nature of the event....they were invited by a friend and unfortunately did not know until they arrived that the event was black tie...info was misunderstood thats all so why not give them a break when you dont know the full information.

friend of hollyoaksOctober 31st 2008.

I was involved in the organisation of the event and formally invited the guys from Hollyoaks so why you are all being so cynical i just dont know. They were invited to help raise the profile of the event to the audience that likes them (after all the charity does help kids!) as were all other TV stars in the region. Invites of this sort have to be passed through quite a few people before they reach cast members of TV shows so they did not see a physical invite. I dont really know why you are all being so sad and vicious it was a wonderful event and I can assure you that everyone was welcome. I am sure you will all find fault with what I have to say here but some people are never happy i guess....

emma graceOctober 31st 2008.

Lesley...I hope you're right!!! Now Iceland just need to come to their senses and maybe, just maybe, she will be off our screens for good. Hurrah!!

Modern DandyOctober 31st 2008.

Not sure how 'new', 'original' or 'modern' some of MIF's programming has been in the past. Happy Mondays??? In the 21st Century??? Nah.

Anything for a free pint and a canapeOctober 31st 2008.

Friend of Hollyoaks, turn up at the opening of crisp packet springs to mind with this bunch of self indulgents arseholes. They were obviously not wanted there in the first place as they didn't receive an invite first hand but have to rely on a mate to tag along with. Your little rant here is not really explaning an awful lot and goes to prove that these people have nowt better to do than gatecrash functions on the basis of a friends invite.

whats the point?October 31st 2008.

I agree with cool4door60, how many double decker buses are there on the roads around Manchester and every single one I see has 1 person on a bus designed for 50 or so people, oh the 1 person.....the bloody driver!!! what a waste of time and resources, it would be more efficient and benefit the public if smaller, more frequent modes of transport around the city were made available, but again, it comes down to GREED!! why have 2 drivers when one can carry twice the amount of passengers, well I say they need to go back to the drawing board on this one, if i see more than 1 person on a double decker it's as rare as rocking horse s***!!!

seabeeOctober 31st 2008.

the entire cast and crew of hollyoaks are in fact reptiles from another planet.their spaceship crashed on the moors above shaw oldham some years ago and finding them selves stranded on earth decided to earn a crust by pretending to be human and actors neither of which are they convincing at.they can often be seen in and around shaw collecting scrap in the hope of repairing their ship and going home.i would urge anyone who can help them to do so and lets get shut of these phonies once and for all.

cool4door60October 31st 2008.

Its bad enough having holyoaks on telly never mind in the flesh! Yak! Stay in chester ya faked tanned fooks!

ChippychapOctober 31st 2008.

The difference between Frankie Boyle and Woss/Bwand is that Frankie is VERY VERY funny and the Queen joke was great.

manfluOctober 31st 2008.

A toned-down Frankie Boyle! Does this mean no more Kerry Catona jibes? Perhaps OK magazine and the Daily Mail should join forces in defence of the nation's queen of farts.

LesleyOctober 31st 2008.

Apparently, the mess that is Kerry Katona has been sacked from OK. The source is the Sun Newspaper so maybe it's not true. Just to sound like a B***** I hope she has

lollycatOctober 31st 2008.

once again the hollyoaks cast displayed moronic self-absorption - probably because the event was promoting a serious and truly good local cause and not fixated on their performances, storylines and dress. Sleuth correctly points out that they failed to observe the dress code. They twittered their way through what was an informative introduction to the cause, of which they obviously knew nothing about and as usual failed to make any donation. It must be a hard life showing up for a free feed and watering which has taken people a lot of time and effort into organising. They really should be ashamed of themselves.Rant over - the rest of the evening was thoroughly enjoyable!

BlacksmithOctober 31st 2008.

have landed on a new planet?

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