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Sleuth 31/08/07

Sleuth on the silver screen, Crack Gardens, bus trouble and a confession

Published on August 31st 2007.

Sleuth 31/08/07

LA Confidential
Sleuth remembers Jude Law filming the remake of Alfie in the Northern Quarter. The film never lived up to its promise just as the Northern Quarter often fails to live up to its promise. Michael Caine had played the original Alfie in the 1966 film. Now Law is set to step into Caine’s shoes once more with the remake of a 1972 psychological thriller. And the name of the new film: Sleuth. How flattering. Apparently Hollywood is keen on a whole series of movies based on Manchester Confidential. Keep a weather eye out for Gordo: the Movie, a gastronomical thriller in which the main character eats a big dinner, gets drunk and wakes with a hangover.

Gordo finds a new park
Speaking of Gordo, Sleuth hears how the big man walked out of PlanetConfidential.co.uk towers, at 6.30pm last week and sat down in the garden area of Dale Street at its junction with Lever Street. Manchester city centre has a number of green spaces: there’s St John’s Gardens, Parsonage Gardens and this space, Crack Gardens. He looked over to his right to see several boys and girls doing an assortment of heroin, pills and brown bombers. Gordo didn’t come home for three days.

Old banger
When he did return Gordo had some piccys for Sleuth. As he’d sat with his new found buddies, a bus caught fire. An everyday occurrence in the Northern Quarter. One of the lads from Crack Gardens wandered across the street to look. He called his mates over, and, they tried to catch the attention of the driver. The driver, Gary, who had been spending his time sleepily wandering down from Rochdale for fifty minutes, looked through his rear view mirror. His pals have told him, do not stop when you get into Dale Street. Because they eat you. Gary sees an assortment of wildlife, running around the back of the bus and puts his foot down. The bus blows up at the rear end. Sleuth thinks there must be a moral to this but can’t put his finger on it.

More drugs
Nicola Mostyn is a fine theatre, film and feature writer for our dear online magazine. She spotted the Overheard websites: Overheard in Manhattan, Overheard in Chicago and so forth and told Sleuth. Sleuth loves nicking ideas especially when this gem was reported to him by a Manchester Confidential staff member. On Monday there was a young man in a suit on the bus from Chorlton trying to impress an attractive foreign girl who hadn’t the largest command of English. “I went to Amsterdam, last weekend. It was great. I had some crazy mushrooms,” he said. “Are you a vegetarian?” she asked.

Exterminate with Pride
Sleuth revealed in early July (Sleuth 06/07/07) that gay Daleks were being planned for the Christmas series of Dr Who. Still even he was surprised during the Pride Parade to see this story become reality.

Sleuth confession
Prior to Urbis opening in 2002 Sleuth was asked, as were many others, to provide interesting historical information, relevant quotes and so forth for an attraction which would celebrate Manchester’s role in the creation of the world in which we live. Sleuth gave one of his favourite George Orwell quotes: ‘Manchester, the belly and guts of the nation’. This was reproduced in Urbis close to the sassy lift and remains there. Now Bruntwood have reproduced the quote in their sparkling new arcade in Piccadilly. In between times the National Geographic, doing a story about Manchester, researched the quote extensively, couldn’t find it anywhere and told Sleuth. Sleuth could swear he'd read it somewhere or maybe he'd been lucid dreaming again. Oops. Sorry folks but let's nip it in the bud here.

Sign of the times
Sleuth spotted this at the Cambridge Street roundabout of the Mancunian Way. Now Sleuth loves it when endeavour and ambition come together. But you know you’ve got to go the whole way. So if you think of a joke and then you need to get some typography right to deliver it and then you’re going to print out what you’ve done and then get some ladders or climb a signboard you might at least get it right and cover up that last e – otherwise the effect can be spoiled.

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9 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

JohnAugust 31st 2007.

I am reminded of that famous passage in the Communist Manifesto where Marx, Engels, Leonardo Da Vinci and Pope Gregory the 9th are reading Manchester Confidential over an espresso and His Holiness said: "This is complete loose stool water! It is arse-gravy of the worst kind." Great quote that. It'll be everywhere on the internet before you know it.

andy spinozaAugust 31st 2007.

The Orwell 'quote' story is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Thank you for cheering me up during my grief over this great city's dear, late friend Mr Wilson. Wasn't it the great man himself (Wilson, not Orwell,) who said: 'print the legend, not the truth'? Or did he? Maybe I just read it first on ManCon...

CSAugust 31st 2007.

As far as Nicola's story about mushrooms go, I bet you the girl had a great command of English - she was just participating in the very, very strange courtship rituals of the smug, I'm-greenest-no-I'm-greenest Chorltonite. Bless 'em.

UrbisAugust 31st 2007.

You evil sleuth...now we're living a lie...(not sure how much research the NatGeo team needed, a quick text search of 'Wigan Pier' on Project Gutenberg indeed shows up that no such quote exists...interesting quite how many people quote it though)

JohnAugust 31st 2007.

Sorry, Your Holiness. I should have checked my facts properly.

Pope Gregory 8thAugust 31st 2007.

I was passed on the Manchester Confidential link by Leonardo but it only got serious when those blasphemers Karl and Freddie got involved. Do you what they called religion.....

Miss ManchesterAugust 31st 2007.

If you like the f**k sign, you can find more like it in the Bodhi Oser book, "F**k this book" or the accompanying website, "http://www.f**kthiswebsite.com/"... obviously replacing the asterisks with appropriate letters...

Pope Gregory 9thAugust 31st 2007.

It was actually Pope Gregory the 8th

SleuthAugust 31st 2007.

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa to carry on Urbis's latin theme. Sleuth checks and re-checks his historical facts again and again, but this was given over in amongst a whole bundle of other stuff...and then hey presto it was used.

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