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Sleuth 30/05/2008

Scouse rogues, sex and dead bodies and Tesco gets refused in the city centre (and is the supermarket chain owned by Jehovah's Witnesses?)

Published on May 30th 2008.


Sleuth 30/05/2008

Cheeky Scousers
Sleuth was intrigued by the MEN story of bitter Scouse contractors placing Liverpool FC memorabilia under the swimming pool of United's Scouse-baiting Gary Neville. Sleuth has heard unconfirmed reports that Manc contractors, in a similar move, have placed one million empty lager cans and 3000 litres of human waste under Glasgow's George Square. Also that white elephants have been hidden under the following: Aquatics Centre, the Museum's Lindow Man exhibition, Channel Erm, Piccadilly Lawns and Gordon Brown. Meanwhile Liverpool FC have managed to hide nothing at all in their trophy cabinet this year.

Rochdale can't count
Sleuth went to London on Monday with the Rochdale supporting editor of Confidential and felt his pain as the team lost to Stockport County. However there was one player for Rochdale, the captain Gary Jones, who was exceptional. Reading the fine MEN report the following day Sleuth looked for the mark out of ten they'd given Jones. Turns out that Sleuth had dreamed the player up. As the cut-outs below show, Rochdale were playing ten against eleven and Jones wasn't even on the pitch. Or maybe the sub-editors had buggered up again. As Sleuth (and Confidential) knows too well, sub-editing isn't what it used to be.

Novel supporting method
Meanwhile here's a picture of how one young Rochdale supporter followed his team at Wembley through the novel Etch-a-Sketch method. This is particularly good for fair weather fans, because, after a quick shake, you can change your allegiance.

Musical mayhem
There's a daft poll doing the rounds called www.mostmusicalcity.co.uk. Among the obvious choices, Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol, there's Colchester. Eh? Some Labour party pundit points out that 'Humpty Dumpty' was composed there. Well done to that man. A ranter on the site writes: 'The list of influential musicians, composers and bands that do not come from Colchester make it clear that Colchester is no more the most musical city in Britain than Mary Whitehouse (a local lady) was a pornographer.' Sleuth thinks the musical capital's got to be Wakefield. Black Lace came from this West Yorkshire metropolis and gave the world 'Agadoo': a seminal work.

CSI Confidential
Sleuth would like to thank, on behalf of the editor and the publisher, the readers who won the privilege of an exclusive audience with Dr Gunther von Hagens (GvH) – the creator of Bodyworlds at MOSI, click here. This wasn't offered to any other media group, and our readers were complimented by the organisers and GvH for the level of debate. Gunther was a charmer, and wonderfully odd. The process through which he preserves corpses is called plastination. A few years ago he did his best mate. “Nobody knows which one he is,” Gunther said. “But when I see him in an exhibition I make sure I greet him, or even have a little talk.” Sleuth says get down there before it leaves town.

Sex and death
At the same audience with Gunther at MOSI one question from a reader was: “Have you ever considered doing a display with bodies in sexual positions?" "I'm hoping to complete one shortly," said the good doctor. "This will show sexual acts but in such a way that mothers can go with their children. Of course we will have to carefully study the law of the country in which we make the first of these exhibitions." Sleuth wonders what the reaction of the Bishop of Manchester might be to this news: remember how he furiously condemned the current Bodyworlds exhibition? Sleuth's suggestion for a location for the new Sex Worlds exhibition is Harrogate. They's love it.

Tesco foiled
Sleuth learns that the city council have refused planning permission for the Tesco on High Street because the design of the shop frontage was unsatisfactory and unacceptable. This is a part victory for campaigners against the Tescoification of the UK. Tesco will no doubt fight on because they really, really hate losing and thinks it downright, stamp your feet, not fair when they do. Also they have an alcohol application that is still outstanding. But for now people power has won the day. It's also satisfying to note that Confidential started this debate with this not entirely sympathetic article, click here , which resulted in a Council walkabout.

Tesco owned by Jehovah's Witnesses
Sleuth hears reports about the massive Jehovah's Witnesses church in a former cinema in Northenden. Apparently the neatly dressed God-botherers are always popping out to the nearby Tesco. "I wonder if Tesco is therefore owned by Jehovah's Witnesses," Sleuth's informant said, with a weird leap of logic. Sleuth isn't sure about that. Then again Scientologists on Deansgate have been seen nipping round to neighbouring Sainsburys. Oh no...there's a conspiracy theory for you. All the major supermarkets of the world are owned by religious groups and they're trying to take over. No doubt sublimal messages are left in George clothing. That's Asda price...your eternal soul.

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42 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

mark mMay 30th 2008.

unbelievable. i am surprised that 'its all a con' can actually work a computer well enough to post a rant. has the intelligence of an amoeba.

AnonymousMay 30th 2008.

Keep up the good work re: questioning Tesco and the encouragement of independent shopping in Manchester.And keep kicking the MEN where appropriate. It really is an excuse for a newspaper

EloiseMay 30th 2008.

sniffs supposedly fresh air of ManCon, keels over in the corner...

John WareMay 30th 2008.

It means Safeway is Unitarian

stejaskiMay 30th 2008.

Unsatisfactory and unacceptable???Yeah, cos the rest of the High Street is almost Florence like in its beauty.

Non-MEN JohnMay 30th 2008.

Have you actually READ the MEN, Anonymous? (Sorry, you, Anonymous, not you, Anonymous over there.)As for an excuse for a newspaper, Anonymous, it's not even an excuse for a newspaper. They can't GIVE it away, can they?

Its all a conMay 30th 2008.

Well Mr Editor, it just goes to show how biased and opinionated YOU are too then, which, as editor you should remain impartial at all times surely? Shouldnt YOU as editor allow freedom of speech also? We can all name call at the end of the day, but did you actually challenge anything i'd written??? Its called opening the debate. Your eyes are firmly closed to whats REALLY going on obviously. Call it what you want, conspiracy theory whatever.......another convenient media tag, but do you consider why things are the way they are? do things just happen to come together or are there bigger forces at play orchestrating it all? Think outside the box for a change and use your brain please.

James AllenMay 30th 2008.

Bilbao is a far less interesting city to walk over than Manchester. you really have no idea how to enjoy your own town. Take a look at the place and enjoy it. And why call yourself 'realist'? Why nor prophet or God?

HelMay 30th 2008.

Thank you Manchester Confidential for publicising the case and to all the Councillors who worked on behalf of the residents! Tesco's will no doubt put in further proposals so we need to ensure that objections are put into all proposals.

GavinMay 30th 2008.

Spa must be Catholic because they take confession 24 hours a day.

City FellerMay 30th 2008.

re the MEN, it's probably because they haven't had any competition for forty years and have got flabby and boring whilst smothering everyone who looks like they can compete. I think it's healthy. This lot are real alternative and seem to like poking the MEN in the ribs every now and again. Good on them.

rosieMay 30th 2008.

not only are you anti-semetic,you are a complete and utter cock.get thee back to polishing your princess di memorial china and stop mancon bothering.you knob.

B GrahamMay 30th 2008.

As religious person - I worship Dog - atheists shop in Primark, the queue's are HELL.

LidlMay 30th 2008.

Does this mean that Safeway can't be Catholic?

EloiseMay 30th 2008.

(sniffs supposedly fresh air of ManCon, keels over in the corner)

nq residentMay 30th 2008.

awwww boo. i really wanted that tesco. pop downstairs for a nice bottle of cold wine? yes please. oh well - over to the pricey market it is.

Keith BradleyMay 30th 2008.

I think it's impressive that the readership of Man Con has now reached all the way to Montana though......or is there a certain ex-goalkeeper in our midst? It's all a con, remember the 4 B's, Bibles, bullets, beans and bandages! I've been pissed off with the Jews since I discovered they assasinated both Kennedys anyway!

John NuttallMay 30th 2008.

Most musical city, obviously Todmorden,birthplace of prog rock. Kate Crabtree, original Simply Red keyboard player shared her street with John Halliwell from Supertramp and Keith Emerson of ELP

City Centre ResidentMay 30th 2008.

How odd...there are at least five sainsbury's in the city centre...... why not complain about those existing stores that pop up within 50 metres of a newsagent.....bring on another Tesco....

Kev PMay 30th 2008.

Where do atheists shop?!

JoeMay 30th 2008.

The Empire's real name was Aldi.

James GilrayMay 30th 2008.

First complainant 'Anonymous' on here clearly works for the MEN. And is stupid. The first rule of the tabloids is that once a person or organisation steps into the public arena they are fair game. Odd that people such as the MEN and their employees don't apply the same rules to themselves. If they can't count eleven football players on a Rochdale team then they should be attacked. Man Confidential's whole hearted approach is a breath of fresh air in a city which has been hindered not improved by the Guardian Media Group's dead hand. And the Diary is truly woeful...what about a bit of wit on the page eh?

Tim CrimesMay 30th 2008.

Don't get me started on Tescos on Upper Chorlton road, they are like crack dealers. And when you live directly opposite try not buying something from them nearly every day. They are turning me into an old man, where i end up saying, i remember when you could buy this for this amount. I'm only 25!

Jonathan Schofield - EditorMay 30th 2008.

'It's all a con' person, I'll keep your bile-driven comments on (this once) because they are so easily exposed for being nonsense. And very nasty. They also provide a little lesson of the dangers of the web and these comment boards. At Confidential we love the freedom they give people to say what they want, and we particularly like the intelligent and witty comments many of our readers provide - as was the case with the comments before your childish effort. We don't want to have to start to moderate our 'rants'. We're fortunate, I suppose, that most people who use this site can spot a lunatic a mile off. By the way I think cheese is trying to take over the world. Have you ever put 'cheese in the media' in a search engine? It stinks too.

alMay 30th 2008.

It's all a con says: "Maybe we'd be as successful as them if us Brits stuck together a little more........and excluded all others from the circle lol." bloody fantastic, the makings of a right little fuhrer there! "Us Brits"? seriously? are you that stupid? You're actually saying Jewish people can't be British people? Goodness me! People like you are the cause of the holocaust for pity's sake! We're not on question time now pal so I think I speak for us all when I call you a cock and politely ask you to leave.

John WareMay 30th 2008.

Its all a con says:"im just waiting for someone to say im anti-semetic next so they can pigeonhole me too! lol."You're pre-empting your own criticisms, as if this argument is running to some sort of script. You're pigeonholing yourself mate. The hole is your head. My advice is to get out.

Its all a conMay 30th 2008.

sadly because you dont think outside the box (and never will nor have to because maybe its YOU who dont possess the intelligence?) you types just end up in the same old liberal lefty brigade who spend all day agreeing and kissing ass without questionning anything thats going on around you and who will carry on labelling people as anti this or that (cos its easier) instead of opening up an intelligent debate about who actually is running this giant powerful journalistic farce we call media publishing which was the whole point of the rant.you can tell your ages by the pathetic name calling. Try going on Question Time and call David Cameron a "knob". Theyd all be so pitifully embarrassed!! and quite rightly so..... is the hole your referring to where your brain once sat before you reduced it to sludge through years of drug misuse?? Childish isnt it? lol.

Its all a conMay 30th 2008.

im just waiting for someone to say im anti-semetic next so they can pigeonhole me too! lol. You can put me in a neatly ticked off box then can't you? So when you DO bother to google "jews in the media" is that all made up stuff then made of fantasy?? Its more than likely a Jew whos compiled it! Maybe we'd be as successful as them if us Brits stuck together a little more........and excluded all others from the circle lol.

Wine LoverMay 30th 2008.

It probably wouldn't sell nice cold wine anyway. For some reason, our local express Tesco on Upper Chorlton Rd has the red wine in the chiller and the white wine on the shelf. Knobs!

Lidl JohnMay 30th 2008.

Lidl is definitely for Lord Vader and The Empire.By the way, does anyone know what The Empire's real name is? Or is it Just The Empire?

GJHMay 30th 2008.

The MEN is a badly written self promoting rag. God dam that diary page succeeds in making me annoyed - my good friend taylor lynne blah blah gave me a goody bag and let me sit next to a corry reject to i'll bid their rubbish up!Anyway, anyone who thinks tesco = force of evil, come to Leve - we are thanking the good lord that he has seen fit to give us a decent supermarket! We are ALL for it.

AnonymousMay 30th 2008.

Yup, the media is VERY dangerous, but maybe less so than bigoted conspiracy theorists. Particularly enjoyed the comprehensive list of Labour's top people, etc, etc.Idiot.

AnonymousMay 30th 2008.

What is it with your MEN obsession? It’s quite unhealthy and just makes you look bitter twisted and sad!

Non-MEN JohnMay 30th 2008.

Oopps! I actually meant to say that the MEN's not even an excuse for WASTE paper....

E SketchMay 30th 2008.

We should have Etch-a-Sketch billboards, which then could be changed for each ad. I'm sure the Council would love this idea. Can Confidential start a campaign?

alMay 30th 2008.

What the hell's Eloise on about?

deli llamaMay 30th 2008.

AS DA an Egyptian deity.And whilst we are writing about Egypt, here's a bad Egyptian Joke........... Why are there no counsellors in Egypt. Answer cos there are all in denial....

rosieMay 30th 2008.

Thanks for the warning about Jewish people.And there was me looking out for cybermen.

It's a canMay 30th 2008.

Who is this nutter called It's a Con? I love those famous Jewish media moghuls such as Rupert Murdoch, the Scott Trust, or that Indian guy who's name I forget. Here's a conspiracy for you. People like It's a Con are aliens with no knowledge of history and they're trying to take over. You heard it here first but did you know that most of Al Qaeda are Jewish? Or is it Baptist? Damn, trying to keep fantasist made up conspiracies in your head is so hard.

Its all a conMay 30th 2008.

Tesco is a jewish owned/ran company and basically wants world domination!! Sadly it is halfway there now they have infiltrated the States albeit under the guise of Fresh & Easy, what makes you think that they won't get what they want in Manchester? Sadly they are in the Governments back pockets like many other large greedy capitalist corporations, and profits to shareholders above all else is whats driving this country to the wall. Also given that a fair proportion of Labours top people are/were Jewish Straw, Milliband etc etc oh and the small fact that most media publications are run by Jews (google Jews in the media) it gives you a better view of who actually is running the show for their own ends/agenda. Look it up: "Jews in the media" its astounding........shows you how we are all very cleverly and subtley being manipulated. The media is VERY dangerous in this country and it has way too much power....the Monopolies and Mergers commission was essentially disolved under Blair which was a bad thing as the likes of Tesco et al wouldnt have been allowed to become so big otherwise. Its a basic abuse of power. But who has given them the power? The media (for their own ends along with the Government who get all the lovely corporation taxes and bribes no doubt along the way!!)It stinks.....

GillianMay 30th 2008.

I'm a Budhist and we own Morrisons. Waitrose is Anglican. The Co-op Methodist. Meanwhile Spa is Roman Catholic. It's very clear.

realistMay 30th 2008.

pathetic, its not as if high street shares the architecture of bilbao, st petersberg or venice, like the rest of the city is looks like a f*cking dump. a tesco would at least make that drab street full of work shy morona walking between the bus station and aldis look slightly brighter

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