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Sleuth 28/10/2011

United Beat City 6-1, Gordon Burns, Aumbry Review And The World’s Worst Vegan Meal

Published on October 27th 2011.

Sleuth 28/10/2011

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. It's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Dog and Partridge For Sale - Sleuth Discovers Solution To All The Boarded-Up Pubs 

Sleuth was emailed news of pubs for sale by the moonlighting Simon Binns. One of the south Manchester Trofs is being sold, as is the Dog and Partridge in Didsbury, Hardy’s Well in Rusholme and Bar 38 on Peter Street.

Immediately after getting that email Sleuth received one from the Police. This read: ‘Up to 2,000 cannabis plants have been seized by police in Salford. At about 7pm on Wednesday 26 October 2011, police were called to a disused public house on Eccles New Road following reports of a disturbance. Officers attended and found the top floor of the three-storey property littered with between 1,500 and 2,000 cannabis plants at different stages of growth.’ 

Sleuth was heartened to find that there is a second life for all the boarded pubs out there: you merely shift from one intoxicant to another. 

Sleuth’s Worst Vegan Meal Of The Week

Sleuth attended a Town Hall dinner the other week to mark Maria Balshaw’s appointment as the director of the Whitworth Art Gallery and Manchester City Galleries. The meal featured a straightforward main course of bangers and mash with peas. It was good. Steve Connor of Creative Concern is a vegan and was at the same event. For his main course the kitchen at the Town Hall had been remarkably creative. They’d seen the word ‘vegan’ and looked at the main course. They’d thought about it for a bit, then removed the sausages and sent out a pile of mash potato with peas.  Easy that vegan thing isn't it?

Sleuth’s restaurant Youtube clip of the week 

Gordo, who mostly has the mind of a six-year-old, found this Youtube clip about Aumbry restaurant. He loved it. Apparently it's been put together by a real six-year-old. Sleuth doesn’t quite see what Gordo’s getting at. See what you think. 

Sleuth’s Mr Confident, Mr Romantic, Mr Cool, Mr Continental and Mr Tickle...of the week 

Lynda Moyo was taken by the visitation of a cafe into our building. It was one for the women. The cafe (click here) came with waiters nicknamed Mr Confident, Mr Romantic, Mr Cool and Mr Continental – honest it’s real. Moyo had Mr Cool, so to speak, and found him exactly as stated on the menu ‘the perfect mix of gorgeous looks and a cool laid back personality.’ When Sleuth went down he got a chap with ‘the perfect mix of long arms and probing fingers’. His name was Mr Tickle.


Left to right: Mr Confident, Mr Cool, Mr Romantic, Mr Tickle and Mr ContinentalLeft to right: Mr Confident, Mr Cool, Mr Romantic, Mr Tickle and Mr Continental

Sleuth’s Stylish Cyclists

Sleuth is a cyclist but gets bored by the bike protesters that occasionally bunch together and block the streets as some sort of protest about car drivers, the internal combustion engine and people who don’t have dogs on pieces of string. But he might join this group – www.tweedride.co.uk. They’ve got an event on Saturday starting at 2pm at Whitworth Art Gallery. It’s ‘a minimum exertion bicycle ride for people with a bit of style - Tweed optional, it’s more about the attitude than the attire’. It sounds right up Sleuth’s street. Sleuth is a bit tweedy.

Sleuth, Gordon Burns And Manchester Eggs

Sleuth was at a charming if eccentric event in MOSI this week when the Lord Mayor’s Charity was renamed the ‘I love MCR’ charity. This follows the success of the ‘I love MCR’ campaign launched after the August riots. Gordon Burns was there as compere, but on crutches after injuring his knee - he went straight back to hospital afterwards.

Swing Out Sister performed at the outset but were so quiet people thought it was the PA system on low volume and largely missed them. Ben Holden introduced his lovely range of black pudding infused Manchester Eggs for reasons unknown. Gordon got confused at that point and said: “I must try one, it might be good for my egg” when he meant leg. There were some good speeches underlining the aims of the charity, then a magician who was so unnerving he chased people off, leaving Rowetta (main picture at the top of the page) to deliver a stirring set of songs to a largely empty room. Still it was all in a jolly good cause. Bit mad though.


Manchester United 6, Manchester City 1 

There was a charity auction at the 'I love MCR' event. A booklet had been produced with items to be auctioned. Manchester United had donated signed 'I love MCR' T-shirts from Sir Alex Ferguson, Darren Fletcher, Jonny Evans, Phil Jones, Fabio Da Silva and Chris Smalling. City had donated one from Joe Hart. Er...6-1 to United then. For once.

The Seven Minute Canape

Sleuth saw a passing plate of food at the 'I love MCR' event. On it was a mini-Yorkshire Pudding with a peice of beef and horseradish. Sleuth and a man with a moustache standing close by took one. Seven minutes later they finished eating it. "That's the most chewy thing, I've ever put in my mouth," said Sleuth in fear and awe at the canape. Schmoozing round the room Sleuth suddenly came across the boss of Marketing Manchester Andrew Stokes. There were tears coming out of his eyes and his jaw was working hard. "Ah," said Sleuth, "I see you've just put one of those Yorkshire Pudding canapes in your mouth. I'll be back in seven minutes."

Oast Mosi 042There on the right - the most terrifying canapes ever

Sleuth’s Lies To Tell Tourists

Swans on the Bridgewater Canal are the only ones in the world that can sing. They’ve evolved this capability from listening to Manchester United fans in the adjacent Old Trafford stadium. Tourists often fall in the Canal in surprise when passing swans sing in husky voices: “We are the pride of all Europe, the cocks of the North...”

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6 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousOctober 28th 2011.

Aumbry refused entry to us and our 16-month old son, despite his impeccable eating habits and our good spend record when it was Fetish for Food, and a lot cheaper than today. we have not been in since then. now your 6-year old swans in and writes a glowing review. surely some insider trading going on here - ??

Gorm A.

SleuthOctober 28th 2011.

Anon. Not at all. Just a pleasant little video that Gordo spotted.

Weby72October 28th 2011.

Is Gordon Burns wearing a gimp ball in his mouth?

Jeremy SmithOctober 28th 2011.

Was the said 6 year old Harry following in Grandad Gordos footsteps ?

Maggie MilnerOctober 29th 2011.

Surely the 6 year old IS Gordo!!.
Went to Aumbry (again) with friends last night and it was sublime - especially the beef dripping served with the bread - the poshest dip butties ever and a taste of heaven! It has to be the very best fine dining experience I have ever experienced here oop north.

Mrs IpJune 20th 2012.

Absolutely no insider trading. She's my six year old and has done several such reviews including a Christmas mince pie special.

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