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Sleuth 27/08/2010

Katy Perry on the sherry, Bishop in your pocket, Balotelli hits the bar and Ghanaian PR

Published on August 31st 2010.


Sleuth 27/08/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Katy Perry on the sherry
Sleuth was reading Q Magazine the other day, not his natural terrain. He was either on a) a dental appointment, b) a long journey, c) another planet – you guess. Anyway Katy Perry was being interviewed via questions from Twitter readers of Q. Sleuth’s favourite quote was in a section of the interview about the American’s boyfriend, Russell Brand and his mates: “What I love about Oasis, Morrissey and Jonathan Ross is that they all have these different accents. They’re like different dialects.” Katy love, Sleuth wanted to say, Oasis and Morrissey are from the same city. Although Sleuth supposes one accent is Manchester Tough and the other is Manchester Camp. And then there’s Liam’s accent: Manchester Mumble.

The best PR headline in years
We get mad emails occasionally inviting us to curious events. This was about a function to celebrate the Ghanaian community's contribution to UK society. It read: ‘The first annual awards ceremony for Britain's Ghanaian business community kicks off next month’. Fair enough but Sleuth absolutely loves the title of the event: ‘Never Ghana Give You Up’. A somehow magical reference to Newton-le-Willow’s most famous son, Rick Astley and his eighties hit.

Balotelli hits the bar
As Sleuth’s colleague, The Grouch (click here) has pointed out it was good to see Manchester City’s owner Sheik Mansour not being too proud to drive himself away from Eastlands. Instead of skipping away in, say, a snazzy chopper, he joined the traffic jams in his Bentley after the victory against Liverpool on Monday. It was also good to see City new signing Marco Balotelli adapting to life as a footballer in Manchester. Last Saturday, crocked after midweek European action, he and his cronies were spotted in Panacea bar drinking champagne. Panacea is of course a bar designed for flash footballers...and champagne. Balotelli’s also been spotted in a restaurant nearby. Here’s another guessing game: the name of the restaurant comprises two words beginning S and C.

Bishop in the pocket
Sleuth took the Bishop of Manchester around Ancoats last week. The current Bishop is Nigel McCulloch and he was a guest of marketing agency And Partners which is based in Waulk Mill. The Bishop had a relative, a tiler, who used to live on Bengal Street in the area. “This was the street were your grandfather lived in 1839,” said Sleuth when they got there. The lovely gent, smiling at Sleuth said, “I fear you are aging me Mr Sleuth. I may be of more advanced years than you, but my relation the tiler was my great, great grandfather not my grandfather. I am a man of the twentieth century not the nineteenth.” The tour finished well with one of the other guests saying, “you certainly had the bishop in your pocket there”. Sleuth was grateful for the compliment but wasn’t sure about that sentence construction.

Dramatic Manchester underworld
Ukranian photographer Andrey Novotny has been down the tunnel under the Great Northern. Here’s a great shot of the interior of one section, where the watertable fights its way up through the floor. These are the tunnels down which Confidential has taken several hundred people. The place looks splendid on these Novotny pics - as splendid as it is in reality.

Rangers’ fears
Sleuth hears Glasgow Rangers have been drawn against Manchester United in the Champions League group stages. Sleuth is wondering why some people seem cencerned. Rangers’ fans are notoriously sober and clean living. But seriously folks, don't be worried about a repeat of the massive Manchester attack delivered by Rangers in 2008. That was surrounding a UEFA Cup Final. Rangers are coming back to Manchester to play a group stage match of the Champions League. They played a similar game at Old Trafford in 2004 and nothing happened. Sleuth thinks people should stop worrying. Or maybe match up the appropriate anxiety to the correct occasion.

Fat-ism, the gluttonous truth
Sleuth’s was listening to a BBC Radio 5 Live debate on Friday morning. The chat was about whether making derogatory comments about fat people should be banned in the same way racist comments are. Sleuth is worried for Confidential’s famous food reviewer, Gordo. That means ‘fat one’ in Spanish - or as the man himself translates it, ‘fat bastard’. It’d be hard to rebrand the man now, although any suggestions for another name might prove useful. Maybe Hop-a-long would be good. The big one went out on a Thursday bender until the early hours, knocked a picture off his apartment wall when he got home, and stood on the glass with bare feet.

Clutter-bug
Speaking of Radio 5 Live Sleuth was on the Breakfast Show at 7.30am on Thursday commenting on Tory minister Eric Pickles’ statement that there is too much street clutter. The outside broadcast BBC equipment added a bit more street clutter as seen below. Sleuth had to laugh at the automated voice the gizmo shown on the picture here had been given. In the headphones Sleuth heard a man's voice saying, ‘searching for connection’, ‘connection found’ or indeed as in this case, ‘connection failed’. The chosen automated voice is that of a depressed Brummie. Brilliant. Far more entertaining than some mechanical Stephen Hawking type ffair. Anyway in the end the signal kept failing so Sleuth had to talk to Sheila ‘professional Scouser’ Fogarty on a mobile phone. “Is there too much street furniture in Manchester?” asked Fogarty. “Yes” said Sleuth, “it’s a load of bollards.”

Solution to massive rat problem
After last week’s massive rat story – click here - Sleuth has found the solution. It took a little bit of difficult breeding and some peculiar drugs, but it should do the job.


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6 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Hero
Andrew RevansAugust 27th 2010.

Not by any means a fan of Eric Pickles, but his comments re street "furniture" are spot-on, and apply more to Manchester than just about anywhere else. On the other hand, the gymnastic skills needed to traverse even short stretches of the city centre should benefit the fat people.

Leigh ScottAugust 27th 2010.

Re Fatism and Gordo.

I like "Blade"

LinguiniAugust 27th 2010.

I was in the restaurant with the initials SC when Balotelli was in attendance. As ever the restaurant was full. In fact I think there were more people in there than at Eastlands for the Romanian game! City fans bang on about loyalty but where were you all? You squeeze back into Europe and then, for all your much flaunted "City 'til I die" schtick, don't turn out. Just how many of you bothered?

Scott NeilAugust 27th 2010.

young Italian lad who is now living away from the homeland in 'seeks out Italian restaurant shock'

Naomi10358August 28th 2010.

ManCon thanks for sending me a "friend" discount card - now please can you put details on the website on how/where I can use it. Everything relates to heroes, not friends. Tried to rant on the relevant page but the site wouldn't let me.

AnonymousAugust 28th 2010.

Trafford council has put up lots of road signs telling us it is spending £24 million of our money on our roads.

The council is currently asking residents how it can save money. Well, don't put up road signs telling us that you are spending public money on public roads. We all know taxes are used to maintain public roads. We don't need signs to tell us and we don't want to pay council workers to put them up either.

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