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Sleuth 26/02/2010

Frying pan love, Gordo's McDonalds shame, Sleuth's apologies and Black Lace speak out

Written by . Published on February 26th 2010.


Sleuth 26/02/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

The MEN takes gullibility pills
Sleuth understands that stories can be hard to find but it's not this hard. The most ludicrous story of the month belongs to the MEN for this farago of nonsense about Pancake Tuesday it deemed important to print (click here). Read the story and it's clear that even the man's friends thought he was being an idiot.

Sleuth's frying pan revelation
Still Sleuth had a similar experience to Toby frying pan artist this month. This is what Sleuth found in his post-pancake pan.

Sleuth's mate's frying pan revelation
That's nothing Sleuth's friend found in his frying pan the whole universe. Yes he did. That's the truth. Yes it is, the real deal, see below for proof. But then again Sleuth's friend is Jesus.

Marco Pierre White slap's Gordos back
So Sleuth, Gordo, Angie, the Liverpool Confidential editor, and a lady called Steph who takes photos, went for a long lunch at The Swan, a pub a little to the south of Ormskirk. This is now being promoted by Marco Pierre White and carries his branding and his menus. Gordo and Angie went to interview MPW. Gordo talked about the way he used to phone top chefs he knew on a Saturday and they'd reply with dinner party tips. MPW liked Gordo. They got on like a house on fire. MPW gave Gordo his personal number and asked him down to London for lunch. All the other journos from Lancashire Life and the Liverpool Echo and Post and so on looked on with open mouths. If big men skip Sleuth swears he saw Gordo skipping back to the table, all aglow with pride.

The Swan and Francis Carroll
The design of the Swan comes via Francis Carroll, the man who dreamt up Lounge Ten on Tib Lane and a thousand other restaurants and bars in the North West. After a spell in Dubai watching the property market collapse the larger than life Belgian-Lancastrian is back on home soil, which is good news as he always adds a bit of colour to proceedings. We'll be reviewing The Swan very soon, when Gordo's come back down to earth. The menu reads like a treat and the chicken dish – the test of a good restaurant – was beautiful at the launch.

The Swan and Ithaca
As Sleuth was waiting for Gordo the waiter came over. "I've been told to look after the Confidential table, because we don't want any complaints about service," he said with a smile. Sleuth thought the lad looked familiar. "Don't I know you?" he asked. "I used to work at Ithaca until about three weeks ago, but left to come here, I'm from this part of the world." Ithaca is the renowned John Dalton Street restaurant that closes this Sunday (click here). Our readers often bitterly complained about the level of service. We did too, although the lad here was always excellent. "I bet you could tell some backstage stories from there," winked Sleuth. The lad literally went green, looked like he was going to be sick. "God, you've no idea, I can't, I can't," he spluttered. Sleuth drew up a chair in case he fainted.

Gordo and emergency beer food
So Gordo loves his food and the main chefs, at least the grumpy ones like Marco Pierre White, seem to love him too. Yet Sleuth has a witness who saw Gordo retreating from McDonalds the other week around midnight. So what was the gourmand extraordinaire doing there? The fat one later confessed to these crimes against the belly: 'quarter pounder with cheese, large fries, nine Mcnuggets (always go for nine, not six, they cook them fresh), two weetabix, all preceded by ten pints'. Sleuth wasn't clear whether the weetabix were from McDonalds, but it's good see that even the most obsessive food lovers need a bit of comfort crap occasionally.

Steaming SaleSleuth went to watch Sale Sharks last Friday night. Sadly they lost to bottom of the table Leeds. Still Sleuth enjoyed the game especially being able to take pints of Guinness into the stands and drink them watching the action. It was cold and watching players steaming in scrums like horses was curious too. Sale play at Stockport County's ground, Edgeley Park: in fact Sale now own Stockport County's ground as the later have suffered a series of management disasters and had to sell it to their guests. The tail wagging the dog so to speak.

Thick football fans
Some Stockport County fans feel aggrieved about the situation at Edgeley Park. You can understand this, but it was their club's management errors which resulted in the present mess. What Sleuth couldn't understand were the ten County fans who came to the Sale match to hurl insults at the Sale fans. It was a very family atmosphere and these apes were chanting "fuck off Sale". They were shown the door. As Sleuth left with a child he'd adopted for the occasion, the angry Stockport fans were stood on a garden wall outside the ground obscenely singing at the Sale crowd. Sleuth took a picture. One of their number was about 32. What a halfwit.

Sleuth's generalisation of the week
Sleuth took some Glaswegian's around last Saturday from the Lowry Hotel. A sweet group of nine travel agent ladies. One had come down to watch the Inspiral Carpets at what was then G-Mex in 1990. She was overjoyed when Sleuth told that ex-Inspiral Carpets' member Clint Boon would be Djing that evening at South (click here). She said she'd go down there. It struck Sleuth that as a rule the most fanatical music fans might be eccentric, but are usually lovely and intelligent, whereas the most fanatical football fans are the type of people who stand on other people's garden walls and abuse innocent passers-by on a freezing February night.

Sleuth's confession
Sleuth thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. He stopped living by core values that he was taught to believe in. He was wrong. What he did was unacceptable and he is the only person to blame. He apologises to his family, friends and everyone who expected so much better from him. Yes he has played golf.

Smoking stationary statue
So Sleuth was on the tram going one way and on Market Street he passed street performance at its worst: a person dressed in and painted white pretending to be a statue. Where have all these people come from thinks Sleuth: do they really think they entertain us by standing still? Going back the other way on a tram Sleuth passed the 'statue' walking down the street smoking a fag. Now a statue smoking a fag and walking, that really is something.

The greatest band in the world
Sleuth was walking through Spinningfields the other day when he saw these two characters in orange doing a brief promotional gig for EasyJet. They then started singing Agadoo. Sleuth realised it was none other than rock'n'roll giants Black Lace. “Surely,” said Sleuth, “you are the world's mightiest, most influential pair of musicians this blue Earth has ever known. Lennon and McCartney are minnows in comparison.” “Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the treeAga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,” they replied. Genius thought Sleuth.

Urbis clears out
Sleuth went to the closing party for Urbis on Thursday evening. It was a touching occasion despite the fact Confidential and Sleuth think the idea to replace it with the National Football Museum is the right one. We'll have a retrospective about Urbis and the role its played in the city coming on next week. Sleuth didn't get to the party until 10.30pm. Given the fact that the doors finally close this Saturday Sleuth thought it a bit crude to have this van parked right outside the building on the pedestrianised area.

Sleuth's lies to tell tourists part eleven
Sir Winston Churchill, Mahatma Ghandi and Karl Marx all spent shorter or longer lengths of time in Manchester and were frequent visitors to Boutique on Lloyd Street. Occasionally Ghandi did a turn on one of the poles...as a protest against British rule in India.


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5 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

snFebruary 26th 2010.

appalling behaviour from the County fans for Sleuth to witness, particularly so with a little un in tow. (as an aside, not that ManCon is the place to raise this, and nothing justifies their behaviour, but there's definitely an interesting conversation to have about Sale messing up the County pitch, and the general long-simmering tension between the - and i'm sorry to bring class in to it, but hey - very often well-to-do mid-Cheshire rugger bugger sorts that follow Sale in numbers, and the often perhaps slightly less-well-off County fans. to generalise, of course.)

StephFebruary 26th 2010.

I've seen that guy "off duty" too - buying sweeties in Quality Save on Piccadilly.

CynicFebruary 26th 2010.

Ooh, that dark cynical voice deep inside me has just piped up - could the reason that Sleuth thinks Urbis packing up shop is anything less than a disaster for Manchester's cultural life, be that it means there's one less competitor giving tours of the city? Could there be any inkling of truth in that? Hmmmmm?

Jonathan Schofield - editorFebruary 26th 2010.

I'll answer for Sleuth on this one you witty pseudonym person. There isn't any agenda. I trained and got through their examinations 24 Green Badge Guides a year ago. Thus increasing competition for myself in tour guiding. The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned. As long as the guides are good then the experience of visitors local or national is improved when they come to the city, which is all we all want.

CynicFebruary 26th 2010.

Fair play for the answer Jonathan, just pulling your leg really...

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