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Sleuth 25/11/2011

Lots Of New Bars, Worst Press Release Ever, And A Special Herb Garden In City Centre Manchester

Published on November 25th 2011.


Sleuth 25/11/2011

Sleuth
Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
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Sleuth Goes To The North Pole In A Taxi

Sleuth ordered a taxi, “The North Pole, please,” he said. The taxi driver looked in the mirror at Sleuth, “Very funny mate, I know it's Christmas but you don’t have to take the piss.” So Sleuth told him about the new bar in Cathedral Gardens and gave him directions. 

North Pole 4[3]

Sleuth Gets In A Hash And Becomes A Dope

Sleuth was in Peppermint Bay taking pictures when the gaffer Tim Bacon came over. “I’m worried about this herb area. Is there enough light getting in?” said Sleuth. Tim said, “Well there's light by the window here, further inside the building it's a bit dark though. Maybe I’ll get one of those big lamps that people use to grow cannabis in their cellars with.” “Nice idea,” said Sleuth, “I’m sure some of the people on their way into the Magistrates Court next door would be good customers." Tim looked doubtful.

Shoes And Merriman 013

Sleuth’s Terrible PR Gaffe Of The Week

Following the launch of Sleuth’s new favourite restaurant 63 Degrees (click here) their PR company in Manchester sent out the following statement to interested media. ‘Please find attached the press release and pictures for 63 degrees public launch party last Thursday 17th November, a big day in France Boulangerie Nouveau a celebration of the 1st crop of wine. If you didn't make it last week, it was a huge success with a non stop supply Boulangerie Nouveau, I am sure there were a few sore heads the next day! This would make a great feature, 63 degrees has really taken off here in Manchester with allot of great press and people talking about it.’

The email was titled ‘63 degrees lauch party’.

The company that wrote this is English and Sleuth assumes the staff went to school. Confidential can be erratic in its use of the language but this really takes the proverbial. Boulangerie Nouveau for Beaujolais Nouveau is priceless – so people were drinking new bakeries? No wonder they had sore heads. 

Sleuth’s Guardian Gaffe Of The Week

At least the PR company are PR people and therefore less accustomed to the rigours of professional writing. The Guardian here has no excuse. ‘Brung’. Oh dear. And 'it's'. Everything about it.

Brung 001

Sleuth’s About To Be A Bar Rumour Of The Week

Sleuth was in Chorlton eyeing the recently closed police station at the junction of Barlow Moor Road and Beech Road. “That,” said Sleuth to nobody in particular, “is going to be a bar in about seventeen minutes flat I reckon.” A passer-by said out of the blue, “I’ve heard a man called Shaun is going to turn it into a bar by spring.” Then he walked off. So folks, that’s the breaking news, Shaun (or maybe Sean) is going to be opening a bar in the former Chorlton Police Station - maybe. Sleuth loves being a top investigative journalist. 

More Bars Breaking Out Everywhere

Crisis what crisis? There are planning permissions out for lots of new bars and restaurants. Down in the Great Northern Railway Company’s Goods Warehouse (in otherwords the same building as Evuna restaurant) permission has been applied for by Mimi’s On Deansgate, which sounds as though it's either going to be a lap-dancing place or a teashop. Meanwhile opposite the back entrance of the Printworks on Dantzic Street a bar called Pulse is being proposed. Not far away on High Street a quirky Northern Quarter operator (it’s a bye-law that the word ‘quirky’ has to be placed before the words Northern Quarter) wants to create a bar called Blue Pig. As far as Sleuth is aware Shaun from Chorlton isn’t involved with any of these ventures.

Sleuth Finds Manchester Is A Scene From A Midsummer Night's Dream

Sleuth was interviewing Nick Merriman of Manchester Museum on Thursday. Later that day he received an email from John Goodfellow, press boss at the Royal Exchange, and then one from John Greenway at Manchester Airport. Merriman, Greenway, Goodfellow. Sleuth thought he'd fallen into a play from Shakespeare. He mentioned this to a friend who said, "I wonder if the last one you mentioned hums to himself, 'For he's a jolly goodfellow', when he does something he thinks is good?"

Sleuth’s Fashionable Word To Hate Of The Week

Guru. As in Pop Guru. Or Fashion Guru. Or Food Guru. In otherwords someone who’s been on TV a bit talking about something they know a bit about. If Sleuth hears you using this word he’ll poke you in the eye with a stick.

Sleuth's Lies To Tell Tourists

The seventeen pound fifty bratwursts in the Christmas markets are made of high-quality meat

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12 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Man in a shedNovember 25th 2011.

According to Twitter, Pulse has been on Dantzic street since at least Feb of this year. It's even on Google streetview.

(nb: I had to look it up too)

1 Response: Reply To This...
SleuthNovember 26th 2011.

Sleuth mistook a licence variation for a new place. Sorry one and all.

AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

Yes and it's a horrible place that Pulse, just an extension of the Printworks.

AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

The Guardian Gaffe shouldn't have an apostrophe in "its" either

AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

Someone, somewhere, is failing to see the irony in the Guardian article - just look at the picture a little more closely

2 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

Still can't see the irony. Do tell.

SleuthNovember 26th 2011.

What irony?

AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

63 Degrees might also inform their PR company that an 'allot' is a portly ex Lancashire bowler.

GadgeNovember 25th 2011.

I've always thought that Sleuth was the Manchester guru.

AnonymousNovember 25th 2011.

Never mind 'brung', or the mistaken apostrophe in 'it's', the phrase 'Belgium currently has government' should be "Belgium currently has no government'

MaggieNovember 25th 2011.

Thank you, thank you very much Sleuth!
Come January, Goodfellow will work that line into his act to replace his 'Mint Hotel' joke.

Anna TullyNovember 27th 2011.

Spanish voters "are have thrown out"?? I really hope there is some intended irony there!

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