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Sleuth 25/05/2012

Conti Club To Stage 40th Party, Beluga Closes, Ian Brown's Coffee, Unspeakable Bar Names

Published on May 25th 2012.

Sleuth 25/05/2012

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Sleuth Exclusive: Conti Club’s 40th Birthday Party 

Sleuth attended the Hacienda 30th birthday party on Monday. Now he’s championing a series of birthday celebrations of long dead clubs in Manchester. So on August 24 it’s going to be the turn of the Conti – the former Continental club off Princess Street. This will be an all-singing, all-dancing 40th birthday celebration of the club's creation.* 

Welcoming staffWelcoming staffFor a select, specially invited, 500 guests there will be a complete re-creation of those famous nights. This will include door-staff who may arbitrarily and violently deny entry, pillars dripping and greasy in condensation, DJs who nobody has heard of and, as the ‘slowies’ come on, a general air of desperation. 

Following true Conti traditions, gentlemen will receive a free nurse with every burger while ladies will receive a free policeman with every pizza. Both ladies and gents will then be welcome to wake up in a damp Whalley Range bedsit next to a person who didn’t look like that at midnight and appears considerably older. They can then quietly enjoy a day of creeping dread and overwhelming disquiet, wondering whether to tell their partners. 

Expected guestsExpected guestsThe food at the Conti will be served from a hatch by a strange older lady straight out of a David Lynch movie. 

Sleuth tracked down the original owner of the Conti, George Papandreou. Papandreou who left the UK to become Greek prime minister was recently voted out of power for ‘running the bloody country’s finances like those of a nightclub’. 

Papandreou said, “I can confirm we are re-opening for one night to celebrate all the great rashes we caught. Also we’ll be marking the significant contribution the Conti made to global dance culture – if someone can remind me what that was. The best answer will receive half a can of stale Red Stripe.” 

George announces birthdayGeorge announces birthday*Sleuth has no idea when the Conti actually opened but doesn’t think minor pedantries should get in the way of a good disco sweat. 

Coming soon birthday commemorations for Pips, The Millionaires Club, Applejacks, The Boardwalk, Devilles, Checkpoint Charlie, Rafters and from recent years Brannigans.

Gordo will be hosting a special Stringfellows night called ‘Scarlet, Warm and from the Netherlands’. 

Sleuth’s Worst Bar Name Of Every Year 

So the Confidential itself in Wakefield, West Yorkshire. We were intrigued by the name attached to the town’s favourite nitespot. The bar is called Fanny and Bacardi. No, honestly, it really is, click here for the link. Sleuth thinks the name is confusing. It sounds more like a suggestion.

But who is Fanny and who is Bacardi?But who is Fanny and who is Bacardi?

Sleuth's Drink For The Worst Bar Name Of Every Year

Sleuth has the perfect drink for Fanny and Bacardi - remember this drink from this Sleuth column in March. Getting some Pussy at Fanny and Bacardi seems a proper night out.

Perfect for WakefieldPerfect for Wakefield

Man Found Guilty Of Sporting Enthusiasm

Sleuth was talking to one of the Confidential placement people after the exuberant celebrations in Manchester and London following City's and Chelsea's recent footballing triumphs. "I just don't get why men get so carried away with sport," she said. "It was like after the Rugby World Cup Final England won in Australia, my dad watched it and when he got home said, 'That was the best day of my life'."

"Well," said Sleuth, "Australia is a long way to go for a game, it must have been a big deal, no wonder he might have over-stated things."

"Oh, he didn't go to Australia," she said, "he just went round the corner to the pub." 

Sleuth's Coffee Revelations Of The Week

After last week's astounding revelations about Roberto Mancini's caffeine preferences this week we have those of Ian Brown, of the re-formed Stone Roses - check this out too. On his way through Piccadilly Station he stopped off and had a tall latte with hardly any foam at Starbucks. Confidential likes to be first with all the hot (or granita) celebrity goss. If you have any more fascinating coffee drinking facts about Manchester celebrities please be in touch. 

Ian Brown reaching for an extra large latteIan Brown reaching for an extra large latte

Beluga Closes: Who Wants That Wonderful Site?

Sleuth was passing Beluga on Mount Street and saw it was firmly closed down with bailiffs notes on the door. Beluga was always an odd sort of place although Confidential readers used to love the meal deals we did. Still whatever the troubles the company may have had - and all the Town Hall Extension people moving away for a couple of years during refurbishment didn't help  - it has always possessed one of the best pavement terraces in the North West.

So come on indie operators of Manchester who wants this site? Beautiful old building, loads of space, great terrace.

Sleuth is quite tempted himself - might open a nightclub and call it Conti 2, or get a bar franchise from Fanny and Bacardi in Wakefield, call that one Cock and Red Bull. 

Sleuth's Appeal To The People Of Manchester

Sleuth would like to ask the lady who on Thursday sat on the Spinningfields lawns and very publically stripped to her underwear to please refrain. Could he extend this appeal to other attractive individuals as well, unless of course they are going to give plenty of advance notice so Sleuth can get down there in time. 

Sleuth's Lies To Tell Tourists

Once the summer heat sets in during late May it never rains in Manchester until late September.

Till SeptemberTill September

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24 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

paulsouthernMay 25th 2012.

Here's your Pips reunion http://www.facebook.com/events/303914829657105/

2 Responses: Reply To This...
paulsouthernMay 25th 2012.

It's not 'behind the cathedral' though!

SleuthMay 25th 2012.

Wow that's a long address Paul..

Judy LaneMay 25th 2012.

We need to have a Nell Rackers re-union in Rochdale. That was a tremendous night spot

A most discerning gentlemanMay 25th 2012.

What time are the buses to Wakefield? Fanny and Bacardi beckons

1 Response: Reply To This...
Poster BoyMay 25th 2012.

....save yer bus fare, sign up for the Bookbinder's reunion...

AnonymousMay 25th 2012.

The Conti was originally on Oxford Rd from c1946 to c1980, the same family opened the New Continental on Harter Street in 1967 (closed ten years ago).

Poster BoyMay 25th 2012.

..not forgetting the girls queuing in the 'Gents' alongside the boys pissing in the washhand basins...Class.

Poster BoyMay 25th 2012.

ps; You can already 're-live' Rafters at the Band on the Wall.

Andrea TimoneyMay 25th 2012.

Can I just have lemonade with my fanny please?

kisscurlMay 25th 2012.

Oh Poo!! We had Cocktails in a teapot booked and paid for at Beluga, what can we do now???

Kevin PeelMay 25th 2012.

I would object to any application for a new premises licence purely on the basis of the name of the bar being 'Fanny & Bacardi'...

AnonymousMay 25th 2012.

Eeeh, I quite enjoyed playing 'dodge the flying pint pot' in the Conti!! :)

AnonymousMay 25th 2012.

Got stuck in the toilet at the conti once and a nice girl kicked it open for me, that with the stick to the floor carpet, what a place. miss it

AnonymousMay 25th 2012.

Went to the orignal Conti where i was offered a job on the door. Used to have to crawl on the floor to get under the smoke layer. Happy days.

Fanny CraddockMay 25th 2012.

Oh dear Kevin you don't half sound like a pompous silly person sometimes and a massive argument for never voting (still new) Labour...

Kevin PeelerMay 25th 2012.

Kev - Lucky you're not Wakefield based! PHEW don't have to waste precious ManCon time on objecting!

what about the Cock and Councillor?

Karen GalstonMay 25th 2012.

hmmm im with you fanny....

Karen GalstonMay 25th 2012.

shame councillors dont have other things better to do than "monitor" sites like this and the MEN comments section!!

StephenMay 26th 2012.

Passed Beluga last weekend and saw the sign on the door, but it only mentioned refurbishements for the "temporary" closure? Did find it odd as town was crowded out with the Athletics event. That and absolutely no sign of work being done on the place!

1 Response: Reply To This...
StephenMay 26th 2012.

Refurbishments! I blame this iPad

funboi123June 2nd 2012.

Anyone know whos renting out the Beluga premises?

CobbydalerJune 5th 2012.

Definitely work being done. Hideous glittery gold wallpaper is being put up. Guess it's going to be an Indian or Chinese...

1 Response: Reply To This...
CobbydalerJune 15th 2012.

Window transfers have gone on, Sugar Buddha!

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