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Sleuth 24/07/2009

Carlos Acosta signs for Manchester City, Roger Stephenson wins a Jag, Hazel Blears is happy, Florence and the Machine worship at Salford Church and the best place to keep one's shoes

Published on July 23rd 2009.


Sleuth 24/07/2009

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Carlos Acosta to play for Manchester City
Sleuth bumped into Alex Poots, Manchester International Festival Director on the last day of the Festival on Sunday. He was proper chipper at the success of the event. He was also laughing. “We’ve had a complaint from a United supporter wondering why we’re favouring Manchester City. ‘What do you mean?’ we asked him” said Poots. “The man said, ‘Well, all those posters with Carlos Tevez across Manchester are clearly biased to City now he’s moved to Eastlands,’ came the reply. It was only then we realised that the man had been confusing Carlos Acosta, the ballet dancer, with Carlos Tevez,” said Poots. “But how? Have you seen them? They’re not remotely similar.” Sleuth agreed. There's another difference too, look at the pictures below: Acosta is much stronger around the box...to use a footballing expression.

Carlos Acosta
Carlos Tevez

Blears is still smiling
Sleuth’s henchman, Daniel Laforge Software was in a car park close to Piccadilly Station when he was nearly run over by Hazel Blears – the MP for Expenses Shame Central. She was grinning insanely even though there was no-one in the car with her and the car park was deserted. She then carried on grinning as she crossed the car park alone. She grinned to no-one as she passed the paypoint where Mr Software was standing. Then she came good. Software was with a lady friend who’d met Blears a year or two back at Salford University. Fair play to the MP she recognised the lady and greeted her. Then she put her grin back on and went her way. Sleuth wonders if you can claim car parking on MPs' expenses? Or given the inexplicable grinning whether you can claim back love eggs? As Sleuth’s vulgar acquaintance, Senor Software, suggested.

Hazel 'the grin' Blears

More haste less speed for young wizards
When we put articles up on Manchester Confidential we use various methods. Occasionally when in a rush we briskly put in temporary titles to stories which we intend to change before the newsletters are sent out to our lovely readers. Occasionally the system fails. Thus this email went out last week with this title for the latest Harry Potter film. Some fans complained. Sleuth laughed. Click here

More Confidential email disasters
This might all be a bit navel-gazing but the above story wasn't the first instance of an email muck-up. Last week we sent out the Friday round-up email advertising Rufus Wainwright's opera Prima Donna in a banner at the top of the newsletter. Directly underneath we had an email title referring to Sleuth's dislike of the opera which read, 'Rufus Wainwright should be arrested' - click here. As we told told Manchester International Festival, you can't buy that sort of publicity.

Florence and the Place of Worship
Sleuth bumped into Andy Salmon, the Vicar with the tunes, from Sacred Trinity Church (click here) and St Philip's Church in Salford. He’s the vicar who puts on the gigs with the beers and the great bands – in his churches. In June, Florence and the Machine arrived at St Philips entertaining the masses (not the...er...mass, wrong denomination). This was just prior to the band going stellar. The Rev Andy told Sleuth: “She's a cheeky girl. Florence climbed into my pulpit to sing. I didn’t know what to think.” He paused before continuing, “but I have to admit she probably looked better in it than me.” Judging by the picture below and the video link here, Sleuth agrees. Click here for a Youtube link to a live St Philip's church Salford version of Rabbit Heart.

Tree wardrobe
The picture below shows Gustav Metzger’s sculpture Flailing Trees outside the Tourist Information Centre in St Peter’s Square. This is how the artist described the work to Sleuth: “A subversion of the natural order that brings nature and the environment into sharp focus. With flourishing branches replaced by dying roots, the sculpture is both a plea for reflection and a plaintive cry for change, and is sure to provide a catalyst for debate,” Metzger paused and then added. “Oh and it’s a great place to hang my weekend dancing shoes as well.” Well that’s how Sleuth remembers the conversation.

I’ll keep the meter running
Sleuth has a friend who was going to France on a trip. She was meeting up with some friends in Stretford first. She called a taxi having given the destination as Stretford tram station. The taxi arrived, the overseas gentleman driver, helped courteously with her cases into the boot. “Where you going?” he said in broken English. Sleuth’s friend having given the Stretford destination to the taxi depot thought the question was more general. “France,” she said cheerily. The taxi driver looked shocked, “I think my license is for England only,” he stuttered.

Architect's downsizing prize night
What with the Vodka cordials and the Urbis PA, Sleuth couldn't tell you who were the winners at last night's Best of Manchester Awards. Save one. The jammiest architect in the room award went to Roger (Hacienda apartments, new entrance to Manchester Central, forthcoming Chetham's Concert Hall) Stephenson of Stephenson Bell. His to drive away for two weeks, a sleek black Jaguar. Except his raffle prize Jag XK is commonly taken (by those of a Clarkson mentality) to be a cut-price, toned down Aston Martin. Which is a shame as Roger's usual Mondeo bashing, Mercedes scoffing wheels is a sleek black Aston Martin Vantage. The architect's car of choice. Roger, being a gentleman, didn't sneer.

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12 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

EditorialJuly 23rd 2009.

But Sleuth's sources are infallible. Anyway she's sex-changed back.

AnonymousJuly 23rd 2009.

Argggh, the Hazel Blears love eggs concept is not one I want in my head - how do I unread your article? Help.....

Mr SoftwareJuly 23rd 2009.

Ed, my mate is a "she", who'll have yer knackers for calling her manly! She's even patronised one of your tours, in both senses of the word.

Smicheal SmirnoffJuly 23rd 2009.

I suppose I'd better have Hazel Blears for two weeks then. Honestly though I have no idea what I'll do with her.

Pro Pimps PLCJuly 23rd 2009.

Gordon, body blows are best - although they can cause internal bleeding.

Gordon WrongJuly 23rd 2009.

May I use Florence of Florence of the Machine for two weeks. I'll give her back unmarked I promise.

JayneyBabyJuly 23rd 2009.

Gustav Metzger's Flailing Trees would have beeen much improved with a chain saw.

Jaspar PolariJuly 23rd 2009.

Can I have that Carlos Acosta for a couple of weeks? He'll look lovely in the apartment.

NancyJuly 23rd 2009.

Hahaha love the Harry Potter link, has brightened up my Friday morning no end. Glad that I'm not the only one who thinks Potter is a load of old Hogwash!

Graham GnashJuly 23rd 2009.

May I use the Jag for two weeks then....or even the Aston Martin. I'm not fussy.

Danny DanielsJuly 23rd 2009.

Gustav Metzger’s sculpture Flailing Trees would have been much improved with the addition of some undercrackers complete with stains. It would be in the Tate in seconds.

Michael WestJuly 23rd 2009.

Sign in The Empire Exchange Emporium - Hazel Blear's Hustings worn Love Eggs (passim Sleuth 30/01/09)

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