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Sleuth 23/10/2009

Tom Jones sings for his supper, Panacea re-opens in Alderley Edge, Gordo becomes an oil painting and Emergency pie stop

Written by . Published on October 23rd 2009.


Sleuth 23/10/2009

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Tom Jones is hot for food
Sleuth got an excited phone call last Friday. Kabir the boss of Pakistani restaurant EastzEast at Riverside off Blackfriars was breathless with excitement. Tom Jones had visited the night before. Kabir, told Sleuth that the singer had swanned in on his own with just a friend and no minders. Sleuth asked Kabir for a list of what the Welsh warbler had eaten. This is it. Jones had ‘Why, why, why Jalfrezi’, ‘The Green, Green, Madras of home’ , ‘What’s new (on the special’s board) pussycat’, ‘It’s not unusual(ly hot is it, because this food might melt my plastic surgery)’ and ‘Naan bread of heaven.’

No really
Actually if you’re interested in what Jones ate, he had Lamb Chops, Chicken Masala off the bone, Lamb Sukha Bhuna on the bone, Tiger King Prawn Masala with Pilau Rice and Large Garlic Family Naan with Special Mango Sorbet. But that’s not as funny is it - we hope?

Literature festival pecking order
Michael Schmidt, writer and publisher of Carcanet Press, the Manchester based poetry company, was giving a reading for the Manchester Literature Festival last Saturday in a non-traditional venue - Epernay Champagne Bar just off Peter Street. It was a take it to the people event away from academia and bookshops. The event organisers were miffed though. The Festival had booked the furthest space from the bar but the bar area was open to the public. The noise from the public area was dreadful, Schmidt couldn’t be heard, the event was a farce. “Can’t help you,” said Epernay’s boss when the Festival complained. “But the guests paid for this event,” said the organisers. It was £5 or £3 concessions including a free glass of champagne. “Ah,” said the boss, “but they were only paying cost price.” Poetry not in motion thinks Sleuth, naughty Epernay.

The Police take an emergency call
Here’s a police van on double yellow lines. Is it stopped: a) because there’s a robbery taking place, b) because there’s a man threatening to jump off a building, c) because there’s a Gregg’s here and the officers need a pie and a vanilla slice? Well done, it’s c), it's a snack 999.

Labour and Lib Dems go cool
Daggers drawn rivals Lib Dem MP for Didsbury and Withington, John Leech, and Labour’s Lord Bradley (who lost his seat to Leech at the last election) took the stage together on Saturday in the University of Manchester. It was during a graduation ceremony of Nazarene Theological College (NTC) and marked its 50th anniversary in Manchester. Lord Bradley and John Leech were a picture of silent, miserable, discomfort as they stood side by side on stage and were given commemorative paper weights by NTC. The speaker attempted to break the tension by declaring himself to be a Tory so "there was no political bias". It didn’t thaw the mood between the two one bit. Lord Bradley and Leech had to walk side by side as they left the stage and the hall. They hadn't walked in together though as Leech arrived 30 minutes late, because his "Blackberry had crashed the day before". Sleuth loves technology, it really is the bee's knees for excuses.

Panacea: the missing information
Sleuth hears that Panacea Alderley Edge is re-opening tonight – the second Panacea after the modest, understated bar (something like that) on John Dalton Street. Crazy interior designer Bernard Carroll has ignited a huge amount of interest in the area with his design spread over two floors, featuring a 100 cover restaurant on the ground floor, together with a lounge bar and outdoor dining area. The upstairs will be available for private hire. Sleuth missed something on the invite sent for the opening event. Amidst all the hyperbole and exclamation marks, it failed to mention an ill-fated opening a year ago of the same venue. Now why did the bar have to close after just five days of trading? Sleuth thinks PR makes itself ridiculous when it fails to mention a vast elephant in the room. Still Sleuth really hopes the new Panacea can set the Alderley Edge scene alight – in the best possible of ways.

Leonardo and the Street of Importance
Speaking of PR there was a nice bit of fluff from SKV about Coronation Street star Michelle Keegan this week. She was apparently ‘dead made up’ (geddit?) to be asked to be recreated as Mona Lisa for an amazing photographic recreation of the Leonardo Da Vinci masterpiece, as part of a new exhibition at MOSI (Museum of Science & Industry). The exhibition is called Da Vinci – The Genius, and opens on 14 November. Having Michelle Keegan getting touched up so to speak is designed to get people see the painting afresh. Michelle is reported as saying: “It was an honour to be asked to do this shoot. I knew how famous the Mona Lisa painting is and was very excited, if a little bit nervous.” Ah bless. But even better Sleuth loves this follow-up quote from the brassy actress: “The Italian Renaissance was completely different to Coronation Street but I really enjoyed experiencing sixteenth century glamour.” No shit Michelle, it was different. Corrie is far more important.

Mona Gordo
Anyway we thought we’d have a go at this Mona Lisa game. Below is our representation of how Leonardo, if he’d been any good, would have painted the picture. Look at our food critic here, look at that enigmatic smile. We got him to do that by placing a bowl each of oysters and sweetbreads just out of frame. The Louvre has already offered us a couple of mill for the picture.

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5 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AndreaOctober 23rd 2009.

I was at this event and did find it a little noisy. It was brave of Epernay to host such an event on a saturday night. It took over the majority of the space avaliable and the people weren't buying drinks at the bar. The cost of the event was also less than another festival poetry reading by Ruth Padel.

johnthebriefOctober 23rd 2009.

I hope for Mr Akka's sake that he's taken the precaution this time round of paying his contractors rather than telling them to feck off. Either that or that he's invested in some very comprehensive fire insurance. And of course I still hope nobody goes near the place while the detestable Mr Akka has anything to do with it.

AnonymousOctober 23rd 2009.

couple of mill? you mean two barley corns roasted an the aga

davidOctober 23rd 2009.

did you know that numero at casino 235 has closed and is being franchised as a chinese restaurant?

JJOctober 23rd 2009.

But Sleuth, you haven't got a Blackberry!

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