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Sleuth 21/09/2007

Exclusive – Jose Mourinho on his way to Manchester

Published on September 21st 2007.

Sleuth 21/09/2007

Sleuth exclusive – Mourinho for Manchester
After leaving Chelsea Jose Mourinho will head up the region’s bid to embrace congestion charging with the Transport Innovation Fund. “This job in Manchester is a special one,” he told Sleuth. “It is difficult to win major competitions, of course, but I will play Sir Richard Leese in a Joe Cole role dodging the difficult tackles, nipping and tucking, he's very good at that. Sir Howard Bernstein will play alongside him in midfield. I see him as a new Bobby Charlton. This is not only the hair. He is pure gold in this position. Tomorrow I will give him a bling…I mean ring.” Sleuth asked Mourinho how he will handle criticism of the Transport Innovation Fund. “Jealous people always criticise me. This is natural. My main opponents will be Peel Holdings but fortunately I have experience with aggressive multi-millionaires.”

Trans-Atlantic Metro
Observers of the Manchester arts scene who think the coverage in the daily free Metro is written largely by writers who don't know their arts from their elbow received further confirmation the other week. Metro carried a lengthy interview with Jonathan Munby, currently directing a new production of William Shakespeare's Henry V at the Royal Exchange Theatre. So which local expert did Metro commission to write the feature? Step forward Jim Burke, the much-respected theatre editor of City Life magazine between 1991 and 1998. Jim now lives in Quebec. That's Quebec in Canada. Let's hope Jim didn't pay for the call...

One for the boys
The Guardian Media Group (GMG) is getting increasingly masculine. On Thursday the MEN started handing out a magazine aimed at men. This is called Shortlist – although Shortlived might prove more likely. It’s full of homo-erotic stuff like pictures of James Bond, Burt Reynolds, Sumo wrestlers and rugby players jumping all over each other. So masculine in fact that when Gorgeous Georgina, the Confidential number-cruncher, tried to take a Shortlived the MEN vendor snapped, “You won’t want it love, it’s not for you.”

Two for the boys
Following on from Shortlived came a GMG press release about Rock Radio. This will be launched in May next year and broadcast, to quote, ‘music from legends such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Thin Lizzy and U2.’ Fair enough, older is in - Radio 2 and all that. Still Sleuth did a double-take when he read that the station ‘is aimed at the 35+ man’. For a minute there he’d thought that was the anticipated audience. Sleuth was just getting confused with Channel Erm.

Naming game
Funny old week for names. First up is Andy Tickle from the University of Manchester’s Conference Centre. Sleuth would love to meet Mr Tickle. Best name this week though belonged to a Dutch delegate at the Aerosol Association Convention (yes, this really did take place) at G-Mex, aka Manchester Central. He was called King Cool. With a name like this, Sleuth thought, the man would be just like a seventies pop star, all tight shorts, gold chains and sideburns? King Cool turned out to be a bit of disappointment: a pleasant man in a blue suit who was getting on a bit.

Turning up the heat
Speaking of names, a Confidential reader tells Sleuth that a former Manchester academic with a curious moniker has been featured in an article in the current edition of the New Scientist magazine. The article is called ‘Women come into heat just like other mammals’. Not the snappiest title but sort of pulls you in, doesn’t it? First paragraph goes, ‘Women might not miaow and they don’t scratch at the door,” says Randy Thornhill, “but they do have oestrus.” Sleuth has only a sketchy idea of what oestrus might be but he thinks that if sexuality is your area of work then a name like Randy Thornhill is just about right.

The extra Curry mile
Our £100 meal in an Indian restaurant offer has lit a bonfire in the rant box and resulted in several million entries. To win the meal you have to tell Confidential what your fave Indian restaurant is and why – there’s still time if you want to join in. Sleuth isn’t sure people are getting the point. Chris for instance put ‘EastzEast’ which is to the point, but also pointless in its brevity. Meanwhile Angela wrote, ‘Indian Harvest, ROSSENDALE. Ambience: romantic low lights yet casual...The Taste: smooth, rich but subtle, abundant, wildy flavourful...Service: Impeccable! They ROCK MY WORLD!!!!!! " Sleuth likes this: it’s sort of pornographic. If she wins, we might specify that she takes Randy Thornhill along.

Mystery message
Finally Sleuth can’t open this link. Wonder what it says?
click on here

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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

SleuthSeptember 21st 2007.

Hey, who's pretending to be Manchester Confidential? If you were a real insider you'd know that Gordo ate the keys and then the petty cash box and then the safe. There's a bit of a £5 note sticking out of the corner of his mouth right now.

mancon commentSeptember 21st 2007.

We are considering buying the Guardian Media Group, but Gordo has lost the keys to the petty cash tin..

AnonymousSeptember 21st 2007.

Funny names: There was a DC Pickle keeping the streets of Mcr safe. Once had a couple of Lib Dems in his police stations helping with his enquiries. Unfortunately lying on election leaflets was considered an insufficient crime and with the representations of Lib Dem B, Lib Dem A got away with the serious thing he was accused of.

Half Man Half BiscuitSeptember 21st 2007.

Is Short List only half a magazine or didn't you have enough room for a full picture? Find Your Inner..what? Tube?? That's it then, a mag for male cyclists . Just what we need.

RedFredSeptember 21st 2007.

Agree about that shortlist. we never have any good magazines. remember that awful city life, full of in-jokes about writer's mates and student-tastic articles replete with embarrassing spelling mistakes. Now that was ****e. why doesn't manc conf do a mag: be good to have something to physically hold: c'mon gordo sort it

RedFredSeptember 21st 2007.

well, it ain't going be gordo I want to physically hold: that was physically impossible even before he munched the petty cash and safe. Didn't know sleuth was a throwback to bitty life: like most people I didn't buy it - flicked through it in the newsagents before returning it to the piles on the dusty shelf

PurplePeteSeptember 21st 2007.

What does RedFred want "to physically hold" exactly?

AnonymousSeptember 21st 2007.

And if you where anything of an insider, you'd know that Sleuth is a throw back from the days of sh*tty life...

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