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Sleuth 20/04/2012

Patrick Vieira, National Rail, New Village Bar, Cows Feet, Marketing Suite and Inane Tweet

Published on April 20th 2012.

Sleuth 20/04/2012

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. 
He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Sleuth’s Helpful Human Award Of The Week

“Is this the Marketing Suite?” Sleuth asked at Student Castle, for the topping out ceremony of Manchester's fourth tallest building. “No,” said a Polish builder helpfully, “Market Street's near the Arndale Centre."

Sleuth’s Public Transport Incident Of The Week Part One

Sleuth was on a train reading a novel, the woman next to him was reading ‘Urinary Incontinence Among Geriatric Patients’. Sleuth wasn’t swapping.

Sleuth’s Public Transport Incident Of The Week Part Two

Sleuth wanted to buy a rail ticket from Manchester to Penrith and then return via Liverpool. Surely simple? Tourists must do that kind of thing all the time. The nice lady on the National Rail Enquiries phones was very sorry but told Sleuth that “You have to buy a single to Penrith, then a single to Liverpool, then a single to Manchester.” That’d be £81 please. Sleuth ranted about the impractical nature of this, how it was bad for the traveller and visitors to Britain. The lady made sympathetic noises. Sleuth ranted again about the absurd lack of transport integration. Then he suddenly stopped midsentence. The lady was in India, he realised, in a call centre. There was nothing to be done. A desolate wave of existential futility washed over Sleuth. 

Sleuths And Manchester Missing City

Several Sleuths were at the launch of Joleon Lescott’s line of T-shirts in Manchester Art Gallery. Lescott, the City central defender, had a full team of colleagues out to support him. Well nearly a full team. Carloz Tevez and Mario Balotelli were absent – a not uncommon occurrence this season thinks Sleuth.

Patrick Vieira And The Virgin Train

A couple of Sleuths chatted to Patrick Vieira, the Manchester City ‘executive’ and French World Cup winner (main picture above). He has a house in Alderley Edge and a house in Hampstead. “So have you been out much in Manchester?” asked the Sleuths. “No, not really, my family like it, but I don’t know what to do here so I get the Virgin train back to London to go out.” Sleuth is disappointed in Mr Vieira. He always seemed one of the more intelligent players. Now Sleuth isn’t so sure. Can’t footballers do what other people do in new cities: buy guidebooks, go on tours, read listings sites? Can’t Vieira read Confidential? Why is this dapper and seemingly intelligent man and other footballers so childishly helpless. Sleuth really likes San Carlo but there is more in the city than just that restaurant.

Joleon's Fruity T-ShirtsJoleon's Fruity T-Shirts

Sleuth’s Commanding Use Of Cow On A Menu

This sign is from Jerk Junction in Whalley Range. It’s pleasingly imperative. The Caribbean menu famous for its patties and curried goat will be getting a visit from Sleuth to sample them there feet.

Cow commandCow command

Sleuth In the Tunnels And Brenda’s Bombshell

Sleuth took people under the Great Northern Tunnels on Tuesday. These are made up of a nineteenth century canal that was converted into bomb shelters in WWII. On one of the tours was Brenda, a child during the war. She was a delight. "I remember on one occasion we had a special assembly and we were told not to go near an unexploded bomb that had fallen not far away,” she said, looking at Sleuth with a glint in her eye. “Of course, when school was over the whole lot of us went for a ganders. It was huge.” The old bulldog spirit in two sentences.  

Sleuth's Hungry Person In Chorlton Park

Sleuth thinks some glutton in the park here really overdid the McDonald's wraps.

Glutton hits the parkGlutton hits the park

Sleuth’s Hears Of New Village Bar

There’s a new bar for Canal Street opening in May. This is in the Bar Below site – a basement bar, as the former name suggests, close to the Sackville Street junction. The new bar will be called Oscars which reminds Sleuth of a Rochdale bar in the 1980s with the same title. Sleuth wonders whether it was that bar which inspired the name for this one. Or maybe it’s something else altogether. If the Rochdale bar did inspire the name Sleuth can’t wait for a Manc version of Nell Rackers to open.

Sleuth’s Inane Tweet Of The Week

This comes from Malcolm this week: “I’m eating cheese on toast right now.” Sleuth honestly couldn’t give a flying frack. 

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GimboidApril 20th 2012.

“You have to buy a single to Penrith, then a single to Liverpool, then a single to Manchester.”

That sounds absolutely standard to me. A return ticket is the for same journey in opposite directions. What you were asking for is two different journeys, whether or not your endpoints are the same.
Should you be able to buy a 'return' ticket with any return journey, no matter how circuitous the return route is? How would you propose return tickets that let you have different routes would be priced?

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