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Sleuth 19/10/2007

Next Star Wars movie to be filmed in Manchester: George Lucas says it’s perfect

Published on October 19th 2007.

Sleuth 19/10/2007

Typical citizens
Sleuth was intrigued by the composite Mancunians of the future arrived at by the Museum of Science and Industry through genetic research. They looked a bit fuzzy round the head but at least they were recognisably human. Similar research also revealed the typical inhabitant of lower Oldham Street and Spear Street in the Northern Quarter.

Trolls and other mythical creaturesSleuth was watching the good people who frequent Fridays bar underneath Sachas Hotel beating on the door of that…er…basic venue. Seems there was a problem with them getting in. Knowing the types who patronise the place Sleuth reckons he knows why they were so agitated. It was about to get light.

Musical madness
Sleuth got a press release the other day about the new musical Hot Flush at the Palace Theatre. It’s a musical about the menopause. Indeed. It includes a song called ‘HRT’. My God. The fine MEN review contained this line about actress Rachel Izen, ‘she brought the house down trying to zip up her trousers’. Despite repeated requests the Palace is refusing to allow Sleuth a ticket for every performance until the show closes. Still at least he can look forward to the next musical, Pulling It: a fun sing-along about dentistry containing popular hits such as, ‘28 unerupted’.

Another week and another cause
Sleuth got his menopause fill anyway. Thursday 18 October was World Menopause Day. Meanwhile the whole of last week was Carbon Monoxide Awareness Week. It was hard to know how to mark these occasions. No matter, according to the UN and the EU the next seven days constitute, Don’t Give a Shit Week. This was to culminate next Friday with World Apathy Day. Sleuth can confirm that the Police haven’t been bothered to prepare for a massive demonstration in Albert Square which won’t take place.

Acting up again
Sleuth bumped into Claribel and Trisha, Manchester’s equivalent of the debonair flappers of the 1920s on Thursday. “What’ve you been up to this week,” he asked them. “Went to see Henry V at the Royal Exchange,” said one, “Wow, I was thinking I might get bored then the lead actor came on.” “We don’t call the play Henry the Fifth anymore,” said the other, “we call it Henry the Fit.” Sadly the last performance of Henry the Fit is on Saturday.

Henry the Fit

Salford wins Rugby World Cup

The rugby world cup is named the Webb Ellis Cup. William Webb Ellis was born in Salford in 1806 and was the child at Rugby School who picked up the ball and ran with it in 1823 thus creating the game of rugby. Rumours that should England win the World Cup on Saturday, the Webb Ellis trophy will go on permanent display in TK Maxx on Regent Road, seem wide of the mark.

Idiot quote of the week
This award goes to Phil Spencer of Location, Location, location who co-presented a 100 minute run-down on Channel 4 of the top twenty best and worst locations to live in Britain. Manchester came seventeenth from the bottom. The show, itself, won an award for the worst example of live presentation ever. This was compounded by Phil ‘stupid’ Spencer saying earlier in the week, “The results of a survey like this, frankly, are pretty meaningless.” Odd how one hundred minutes of TV can be rendered pointless in just eleven words.

Tractor factor
Sleuth was in Chorlton the other day. He was stuck behind three mothers taking up the whole pavement near the Barbakan. He was stuck behind them because they were all pushing huge prams with massive pneumatic tyres. A young man in a tracksuit sauntered up, “it’s a nightmare mate, innit? Effing Chorlton tractors taking up all the space”. So, in London there are 4x4 vehicles called Chelsea Tractors, in Manchester 4x4 prams called Chorlton Tractors. Sleuth likes the name, especially as the mums who push Chorlton tractors would no doubt criticise the drivers of Chelsea tractors.

Stuck again
Sleuth can’t open this link, can anybody help.

Where is James Purnell?
Following James Purnell’s faked photograph at Tameside Hospital, we ask the Culture Secretary and MP for Stalybridge and Hyde, where he’s not been this week.

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26 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

randomOctober 19th 2007.

Ah, not the bit about Don't Give A Shit Week makes sense.

AndyOctober 19th 2007.

I never thought I'd read such racist sh*te as what Get Real is posting on this site!

waste o time thisOctober 19th 2007.

the 'star wars'..bit (can't think of a word for something so desperate for web page hits!) is akin to spam. How do I get off the mailing list?

POGGIEOctober 19th 2007.

For REAL Musical Madness read CP Lee's new book "When We Were Thin" about Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias - remember them? Music, Madness & Manchester.

Captain James T KirkOctober 19th 2007.

We'll be in the Castle from 1pm. Star Trek is the perfect multi-cultural world. We used to have some Get Reals back in the early 21st century but like the dinosaurs they died out. The world changed and they couldn't evolve and got left behind by people with greater intelligence and more empathy for others. Spock would agree with this but he got pissed drinking Unicorn ale with that old sot Bones. Scott meanwhile jammed in the back room with a group of Klingon dignitaries who were complaining about the state of the Gents. Wussies. I stayed sober as I was on a promise from Uhuru - wow that girl knows how to beam a man's soul right out.

Get RealOctober 19th 2007.

Its funny how people (white people strangely) feel threatened when others use terms like "ethnic" "multicultural" and "whites" isnt it?! laughable - you dont work for the fascist city council do you? hahahah. These things always causes a stir which is what we need really..... look again and analyse whats been said esp before being prejudiced against MY comments which to me, are equally valid and thought provoking. You have no right to try and tell me my views are racist have you? cos in essence that makes you "worse" than me! Maybe youre the real fascist one eh? Did you support ENGLAND in the rugby world cup I wonder???

MatOctober 19th 2007.

Oh come on Gordo the Hut, Alan Coren could be really boring and twee, especially as a writer. At least Sleuth and these fellas are trying to inject some humour into the humourless Manchester media. Chorlton tractors is just funny.

John S. LockeOctober 19th 2007.

As one of the former proprietors of the pub formally known as 'The King' on Oldham St. can I point out that lookalikes of the cast of Shameless have been re-enacting scenes from the Star Wars bar at the pub for over 20 years - this is not news to us!!!By the way - 'The Northern - an Original and Modern Manchester pub' opens its doors on the site that was the aforementioned King in December this year...and NO Jabba,Darth,Chewie and the Ewoks are not welcome!

randomOctober 19th 2007.

Putting StarWars in the headline and then having a pic of Jabba as your excuse does not bode well for this site. Have you missed a paragraph or are you just liars?

wayneOctober 19th 2007.

Get Real makes a fool of himself or herself. Andy does too. The fact that weird one-eyed viewpoints exist such as Get Real's are part of city life. Andy you can't make these people un-exist just because you don't like their opinions. That pushes in the other direction. Confidential should keep these types of views up perhaps. They expose how nasty and brutish such prejudiced people are.

JimOctober 19th 2007.

Ceefax...now you are getting into the spirit of Don't Give a Shit Week.

Darth VadarOctober 19th 2007.

I am your father

countydaveOctober 19th 2007.

I must say I protest with the above images of a typical mancunian man and woman, I know it's meant in tongue and cheek but we live in a very ethnically mixed city which is proud to have a multi race population, yet why is the typical male and female both white? Im white, and offended by the fact this article contains little information about the headline and such poor graphical content. RegardsDavid

ceefaxOctober 19th 2007.

is anyone else not bothered or proud about manchesters multi race population. Thats not to say im against a multi race population,live where you want, do whatever you want. I just dont notice any benefits or detrement from having one??????

Get RealOctober 19th 2007.

yeah and who do you think they are copying?....

Get RealOctober 19th 2007.

im certainly not that proud that Manchester is mulicultural as because of this its now an even scruffier overcrowded dump than it was 20 years ago! (look at Rusholme and Longsight whilst travelling on the stockport train are they proud to live in England?!) and county dave is obviously a traitor to his people and country who we need less of. If there were less ethnics the place wouldnt be riddled with crime so much lets face facts? especially fraud/gun crime, thats why it came seventeenth on the worst place to live poll! CRIME! Ask the police about why they are still stopping ethnics? cos they carry knives and drugs which has now spilt over into mainstream society. bad influences i say dragging the country down with their so-called "street" culture. they wouldnt survive five minutes on the streets most of em...It'd be a change for people to actually take a stand against multiculturalism what do whites have to gain from it? that should be the question in a mostly white society!

SleuthOctober 19th 2007.

Star Wars is being filmed in Mother Macs on Back Piccadilly. Star Trek's new movie is being filmed in The Castle on Oldham Street, Battleship Galactica in the Unicorn on Church Street. Go and have a look if you don't believe me. Only problem is that this is being done in a parallel universe, the place it seems where several people's sense of fun is located. The Museum story is part of this universe however so check out http://www.nowgen.org.uk/events . Jabba the Hut is real too and lives on Spear Street.

Gordo the hutOctober 19th 2007.

the salford wins world cup! star wars in a parallel universe!! On a day when we lost a great wit in alan coren, it's good we've still got sleuth. ahem.

JimOctober 19th 2007.

Don't Give a Shit Week is taking place in a parallel universe isn't it?

SpockOctober 19th 2007.

Kirk you're a liar. I was down at the Kings on the karaoke doing a duet with Princess Leia of 'You're the one that I want.' Zulu was the pissed one, he was down at Mother Macs showing Jabba the calibre of his phaser.

GordoOctober 19th 2007.

Waste o Time, it's an intelligence test. Oh you're still here are you?

Jabba the HutOctober 19th 2007.

It's all a lie, Spear Street is too frightening for me.

lesleyOctober 19th 2007.

countydave, PLEASE tell me you are joking. pc gone mad

AnonymousOctober 19th 2007.

So what? I'm white, I live here and I'm proud of it.So the typical manc bloke is white. Big deal, get over it.

AnonymousOctober 19th 2007.

So where is Star Wars getting filmed?

lets get realOctober 19th 2007.

get real, pls get real..and all the whites out there, aren't you forgetting sthing here, look at Rhys jones case n the growing concern about gang culture that has caused a life of an innocent boy..and who are those responsibled?? You would be surprised if they were all white teens age from as young as 13 ???

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