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Sleuth 19/02/2010

Elano steals chef, Manchester bishops discover mobile devices and let's boycott Metrolink

Published on February 18th 2010.

Sleuth 19/02/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Albert's Shed chef stolen
Sleuth was in Albert's Shed in Castlefield sampling our new Strictly Confidential deal for £22. James Ramsbottom, the proprietor, was talking to Sleuth about how you can lose good staff. “We had a great Brazilian pastry chef, Neri, for a couple of years, then one day he left because he went to work for Elano, the Manchester City player, in his home as his personal cook. About a month later Elano left City and was transferred to Turkish club Galatasaray. Great, we thought, we can get Neri back. Instead Elano took our pastry expert with him, couldn't believe it.” Sleuth knew Elano had been unhappy in Manchester but stealing admired chefs from city businesses seems underhand.

Elano celebrates stealing Albert's Shed chef

Bishops pray for Sleuth
Sleuth loved the Ash Wednesday RPR (Religious Public Relations) this week when Anglican Bishops from Greater Manchester went on to the streets to say prayers for the public. As a spokesperson for the Diocese said; “Nobody needs a dog collar to be heard by God, but for many people, knowing that someone is praying for them gives them confidence to make their own prayers, and prayer is often the gateway to hope.” Nice. But better by far was the announcement of 'Virtual Bishops: a new web-based service allowing people to share their prayers anonymously via their own home computer or even on the move through a mobile device'. Sleuth loves the phrase 'mobile device'. What's that then? A bike? A spoon? Anyway the web address, should you require a digital word with the Big Man, is www.SayOneForMe.org

Let's boycott Metrolink
Forget tradespeople, perhaps one of the agencies we should trust least is Metrolink as run by Stagecoach. This Monday the editor will post an interview with Metrolink bosses in which they assure us that things are back to normal. Right. On Wednesday Sleuth was waiting at Trafford Bar Metrolink and a tram didn't come for 20 minutes. There was no announcement as to problems on the supposedly six minute service. He called up Metrolink customer services, the lady told Sleuth there was only one person manning tannoy annoucement and they hadn't got round to Trafford Bar yet. She then implied that Sleuth was fibbing about the lack of trams: “Are you sure that a vehicle hasn't come past and you couldn't board because it was busy, rather than none coming past?” Sleuth had a little crowd of other frustrated punters now, so he put the call on loudspeaker on his mobile device. “A very little tram might have come past,” he joshed, “one I couldn't see, or maybe an invisible one.” After the call a fellow passenger had an idea: “this service has got so bad we should organise a boycott of the system, get the public and businesses involved.” Sleuth shed a mental tear for a service that was once a flagship operation but the man's right we should boycott Metrolink. Confidential might run a campaign.

Winterton derails the Conservatives
Sir Nicholas Winterton is an old style Conservative MP who is trying to single-handedly make his party unelectable. His fave sport is diving in and out of hot water. He's been in trouble over expenses, over slapping a lady MP's backside and now he's in trouble over oiks. Yesterday defending the right of MPs to travel first class on trains he described those who travel second class as a "totally different type of people”. The implication was that they were beneath a travelling professional such as he. As someone pointed out, forget first or second class, Winterton is different class.

All the Brits for United
Sleuth was watching the fun in Milan on Tuesday with United beating AC 3-2. It struck him halfway through the match that for once the dominant force on the pitch was the UK. Unlike say an Arsenal match with Real Madrid, where despite a British team playing there are no British players, on Tuesday eight took part: Paul Scholes, Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand, Jonny Evans, Michael Carrick, Darren Fletcher, Wes Brown and for AC, David Beckham. The latter used to play for United too. Whatever people say about Sir Alex 'Beetroot' Ferguson, he certainly gives hope to young British players who want to make it to the top in football. Very few, if any, other top teams have that number of own nationals in their side.

Trust in scissors
Sleuth's favourite daft 'fact' this week was about which professions we trust. Some company trying to sell something – Gradwell – has commissioned a survey up here. Apparently 'new research into attitudes towards tradespeople has revealed that people in the North West found that car salespeople are the least-trusted'. This was perhaps the least dramatic news so far in the twenty-first century. So which category of worker were deemed the most trustworthy? Not bankers clearly. No the most trusted are hair-dressers and then driving instructors. Sleuth's thinking of re-training as a hairdressing driving instructor. He reckons he'd never be out of work.

'Ello, 'Ello, where's that waterway thingySleuth was in a pub with some Castlefield residents the other night. One had tried to call the police about an incident on the Bridgewater Canal. “The policeman had never heard of it?” he said. “Well the canal's only been there since the 1760s,” said another. “And to be fair, they can't drive along it,” said a third.Sleuth's lies to tell tourists part ten
The Romans arrived in Manchester in AD79 led by General Agricola. In the latter's biography written by his son-in-law Tacitus in AD, it's said that the General found Panacea on Deansgate a 'bit too flash'.Panacea, too flash for the Romans

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19 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Leigh ScottFebruary 19th 2010.

I am all for the boycott, I get fed up with ranting on this site about the poor service.

BluebelleFebruary 19th 2010.

Apart from City's Joe Hart, Stuart Taylor, Javan Vidal, Joleon Lescott, Wayne Bridge, Shaleum Logan, Nedum Onuoha, Micah Richards, Adam Johnson, Gareeth Barry, Micahel Johnson, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Craig Bellamy...

Meh MehFebruary 19th 2010.

Bluebelle, he said "top teams" ;o)



Neville, Hargreaves, Rio, Brown, Owen, Rooney, Foster, Carrick, Scholes, Welbeck, Cleverly, James, Amos

British & Irish:

Giggs, Fletcher, O'Shea, Gibson, Evans, Cathcart

I've probably fogotten a few too.

Don't forget all the ones Fergie has bred too; Butt, Philis, Becks, Sharpe, Richardson... to name the first few that came to my head.

SleuthFebruary 19th 2010.

Bluebelle, Sleuth's not having a dig but was talking starting line-ups and Champions League. Still let's hope City's in that competition next year.

Tom HFebruary 19th 2010.

Yes definitely agreed on ManCon taking a lead against the Metrolink - this is exactly what I want to see ManCon doing - my suggestion is a fare strike - a boycott is good but the problem is people still need to get to work/the shops etc - so an organised fare strike might be the better idea - if the only thing Stagecoach seem to care is the bottom line, then not paying would be the only way to make them listen. I'd like to see the contracted gorillas try and force a carriage full of ticket-less commuters off the tram at rush hour!

Son of HughesyFebruary 19th 2010.

Bluebelle, when did City ever put that team out? I think that the point is that the British players were all in the starting 11. Anyway City have a history of dismissing Great British managers and bringing in more expensive "fasionable" foreign imports.

AnonymousFebruary 19th 2010.

I'd suggest that the trams are currently more visible than the ManCon members' card, restricted content and exclusive offers - you might do well to concentrate your efforts closer to home at the moment.

ToffmanFebruary 19th 2010.

You have to have some sympathy for Winterton don't you: second-class travellers do smell.

Yul BrynnerFebruary 19th 2010.

I trust my hairdresser.

Captain Jean Luc PicardFebruary 19th 2010.

I trust my hairdresser too

Bobby CharltonFebruary 19th 2010.

I didn't use to trust my hairdresser now I do

CootFebruary 19th 2010.

I trust my hairdresser

Charles IFebruary 19th 2010.

My hairdresser missed and my head fell off

CTIDFebruary 19th 2010.

I am a big fan of ManCon but when it comes to football you lot make my blood boil. You seem hell bent on being as one-eyed as the MUEN and your finger has been way off the pulse in some of your previous articles.
Manchester is a great footballing city, and all the better for its blue and red rivalry. But you do not seem to articulate this well at all. Perhaps you should stick to your review of hot dinners and posh buildings and leave football off topic altogether?

Chaka DemusFebruary 19th 2010.

I can't wait until the trams get set up to Didsbury and then I can join in the anti Metrolink rants!

I'm already a seasoned anti Stagecoach ranter....I need a new area to vent on

CakelandFebruary 20th 2010.

CTID what is wrong with that comment about the British players, it's red vision its fact, even as a Bury fan I can appreciate what Ferguson does with British players.

ANNOYEDFebruary 20th 2010.

I agree, there is no way this service is "back to normal" on the eccles line there are constant delays, im sick of complaining as you get no joy from the worst possible customer service department.
I asked if my complaint could be forwarded to the managing director, only to be told (by emai copy kept) that he does not reply to customer emails WHAT?

AnonymousFebruary 22nd 2010.

The trams are terrible as are stagecoach buses. I have long wanted to boycott them (lets not even mention their homophobia and evangelical links here) but the problem i face if i do that is being unable to get to work / social events etc. I am a disabled person who can not cyle or walk great distances. I can't drive either (and i'm not keen on encouraging more cars!) so I rely on public transport even though it is shit. I would love something to be done! As an aside: bus drivers. when someone on crutches is clearly struggling to get on board please do let them sit down before zooming off. I have made so many complaints which never get answered it just isnt funny anymore.

Leigh ScottFebruary 22nd 2010.

Can we not organize a car share scheme? unless of course there is already one set up in which case Mancon may promote it better and disgruntled passengers can begin voting with their feet.

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