Sleuth 19/02/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Albert's Shed chef stolen
Sleuth was in Albert's Shed in Castlefield sampling our new Strictly Confidential deal for £22. James Ramsbottom, the proprietor, was talking to Sleuth about how you can lose good staff. “We had a great Brazilian pastry chef, Neri, for a couple of years, then one day he left because he went to work for Elano, the Manchester City player, in his home as his personal cook. About a month later Elano left City and was transferred to Turkish club Galatasaray. Great, we thought, we can get Neri back. Instead Elano took our pastry expert with him, couldn't believe it.” Sleuth knew Elano had been unhappy in Manchester but stealing admired chefs from city businesses seems underhand.

Elano celebrates stealing Albert's Shed chef

Bishops pray for Sleuth
Sleuth loved the Ash Wednesday RPR (Religious Public Relations) this week when Anglican Bishops from Greater Manchester went on to the streets to say prayers for the public. As a spokesperson for the Diocese said; “Nobody needs a dog collar to be heard by God, but for many people, knowing that someone is praying for them gives them confidence to make their own prayers, and prayer is often the gateway to hope.” Nice. But better by far was the announcement of 'Virtual Bishops: a new web-based service allowing people to share their prayers anonymously via their own home computer or even on the move through a mobile device'. Sleuth loves the phrase 'mobile device'. What's that then? A bike? A spoon? Anyway the web address, should you require a digital word with the Big Man, is www.SayOneForMe.org

Let's boycott Metrolink
Forget tradespeople, perhaps one of the agencies we should trust least is Metrolink as run by Stagecoach. This Monday the editor will post an interview with Metrolink bosses in which they assure us that things are back to normal. Right. On Wednesday Sleuth was waiting at Trafford Bar Metrolink and a tram didn't come for 20 minutes. There was no announcement as to problems on the supposedly six minute service. He called up Metrolink customer services, the lady told Sleuth there was only one person manning tannoy annoucement and they hadn't got round to Trafford Bar yet. She then implied that Sleuth was fibbing about the lack of trams: “Are you sure that a vehicle hasn't come past and you couldn't board because it was busy, rather than none coming past?” Sleuth had a little crowd of other frustrated punters now, so he put the call on loudspeaker on his mobile device. “A very little tram might have come past,” he joshed, “one I couldn't see, or maybe an invisible one.” After the call a fellow passenger had an idea: “this service has got so bad we should organise a boycott of the system, get the public and businesses involved.” Sleuth shed a mental tear for a service that was once a flagship operation but the man's right we should boycott Metrolink. Confidential might run a campaign.

Winterton derails the Conservatives
Sir Nicholas Winterton is an old style Conservative MP who is trying to single-handedly make his party unelectable. His fave sport is diving in and out of hot water. He's been in trouble over expenses, over slapping a lady MP's backside and now he's in trouble over oiks. Yesterday defending the right of MPs to travel first class on trains he described those who travel second class as a "totally different type of people”. The implication was that they were beneath a travelling professional such as he. As someone pointed out, forget first or second class, Winterton is different class.

All the Brits for United
Sleuth was watching the fun in Milan on Tuesday with United beating AC 3-2. It struck him halfway through the match that for once the dominant force on the pitch was the UK. Unlike say an Arsenal match with Real Madrid, where despite a British team playing there are no British players, on Tuesday eight took part: Paul Scholes, Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand, Jonny Evans, Michael Carrick, Darren Fletcher, Wes Brown and for AC, David Beckham. The latter used to play for United too. Whatever people say about Sir Alex 'Beetroot' Ferguson, he certainly gives hope to young British players who want to make it to the top in football. Very few, if any, other top teams have that number of own nationals in their side.

Trust in scissors
Sleuth's favourite daft 'fact' this week was about which professions we trust. Some company trying to sell something – Gradwell – has commissioned a survey up here. Apparently 'new research into attitudes towards tradespeople has revealed that people in the North West found that car salespeople are the least-trusted'. This was perhaps the least dramatic news so far in the twenty-first century. So which category of worker were deemed the most trustworthy? Not bankers clearly. No the most trusted are hair-dressers and then driving instructors. Sleuth's thinking of re-training as a hairdressing driving instructor. He reckons he'd never be out of work.

'Ello, 'Ello, where's that waterway thingySleuth was in a pub with some Castlefield residents the other night. One had tried to call the police about an incident on the Bridgewater Canal. “The policeman had never heard of it?” he said. “Well the canal's only been there since the 1760s,” said another. “And to be fair, they can't drive along it,” said a third.Sleuth's lies to tell tourists part ten
The Romans arrived in Manchester in AD79 led by General Agricola. In the latter's biography written by his son-in-law Tacitus in AD, it's said that the General found Panacea on Deansgate a 'bit too flash'.Panacea, too flash for the Romans

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