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Sleuth 18/02/2011

Sleuth reveals the truth behind Nicky Butt, Daily Mail protests, Sainsburys, Yagdar, lies and colons

Published on February 18th 2011.


Sleuth 18/02/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

More Daily Mail madness
After our article earlier this week on Daily Mail rubbish (click here) we’ve found more evidence of nonsense.

The Mail was offended that Manchester Council Leader Sir Richard Leese has apparently said: ‘Since I was first elected to the council almost 27 years ago, I have seen many difficult times. Just weeks after becoming council leader in 1996, I had to deal with the aftermath of the IRA bomb. But nothing has been as difficult or as painful as the struggle we have been having over the last two months to produce a legal, balanced budget.’

The Mail then procured a quote from Tory MP Stephen Hammond: “These are surprising and disappointing comments and incredibly insensitive to families who lost loved ones in this tragedy.”

Thing is nobody died in the IRA’s vile attack. Sleuth called Mr Hammond to ask if he’d really said this, or whether the Mail had made it up? His wife (his PA and office boss wouldn’t you know?) answered the phone and said he was away but she would ask him when he returns next week.

Interestingly, the article in question has now been altered on the Mail website to remove the ‘lost loved ones’ comment.

The Mail backlash
After our ‘Daily Mail is rubbish’ article this week, which had thousands of reads, one reader contacted Confidential with: ‘Great article on the Daily Mail. My 83-year-old mother hates the paper. She lives in Scotland and goes into John Menzies and turns it upside-down in the hope of discouraging purchases.’

Sleuth and shameless plugging
Sleuth has been given a DVD celebrating Nicky Butt’s football career. It highlights the Manchester-born footballer’s time at United, Newcastle and now in Hong Kong. “Is it a sort of a promotional thing for the player?” asked Sleuth. “Yes,” came the reply, “I suppose you could call it a plug for the player.” “Ah, a Butt plug, then?” said Sleuth. “Er... well...”

Sleuth’s least heroic Twitter follower of the week
‘ColonHealthMagazine (@ColonHealthMaga) is now following your tweets (@mcrsleuth) on Twitter.’ Sleuth thought they must be taking the piss but on reflection decided he didn’t want to mix his metaphors.

Sleuth’s best Manchester retail mix
Sleuth loves the Manchester Arndale’s mix of retailers under the frightening Food Hall. In a row we get the Beauty section of Boots, then Games Workshop with a model of a vast alien death robot and then Berketex Brides shop with a mannequin wearing a wedding dress. Beauty and the beasts indeed.

Sleuth’s crazy interior of the week
This the Yadgar, Hilton Street, where they think nothing of placing a Mona Lisa, next to a junk shop landscape and surrounding both with a chipboard frame of not inconsiderable cheapness. Bloody good rice and three though.

Sainsburys crust-out
Moyo, tough nun, safe cracker and the woman of many brunches, needed some Saturday sustenance. “We were on our way to IKEA and wanted a cheap snack,” she says, “and as there is nothing worse than IKEA food we ended up at Sainsburys.” Sadly a notice informed them that the toaster was bust – which is part of what the woman wanted. So Moyo took a picture and tweeted: ‘Went to @sainsburys instore cafe for a breakfast (desperate times) to see this sign. Don't they SELL toasters?’ This is true: there are toasters for sale in the store. Sainsburys tweeted back: @lyndamoyo It turns out to be a safety issue. We can only use tested equipment in the café.’ Sleuth wonders if that means that all the ones they sell are dangerous.

Spin dating
Sleuth is often seen walking past a gym really quickly. He finds them strange torture chambers of madness where people to be uncomfortable. Sleuth likes sport - football, cycling - but he doesn’t like any interior exercise unless it’s horizontal. Recently though he found a notice on Virgin Active’s gym surprising. This was inviting people to come along for ‘spin-dating’. Apparently that involves using an exercise bike and flirting with your next door ‘spinner’. “Do you sweat here often?” Sleuth reckons would be the perfect opening line.

Sleuth’s lies to tell tourist
13 June 2011 will be Manchester Meringue Day when the Chief Executive, the Council Leader, and the cast of Coronation Street will jump from Beetham Tower into a massive pile of meringues, wearing no safety equipment other than hats made from meat. There’s no point to any of it.

Sleuth's western neurosis of the week
Young Sleuth was sat in Brown's reading about Istanbul in the Dorling Kingsley Eyewitness Guides. There was a section called ‘Top ten tips on Islamic etiquette’. Sleuth couldn’t believe his eyes; point ten was: ‘Don’t joke about Islam or criticize anything to do with it’. Why say that? What went through DK's silly minds?


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13 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Kevin HandFebruary 18th 2011.

I'm with the old gran on this one. I'm off to the newsagents now.

Caroline FaulknerFebruary 18th 2011.

Ooh the raw fish platters at Ikea are lovely!

IkeaphobeFebruary 18th 2011.

Ikea produces ugly furniture that doesn't last and meatballs which could be shot from old fashioned muskets through their strongest smug table range. Why people subject themselves to travelling distances to buy such astonishingly poor kit is beyond me. Give me oak, give me wood. Er...so to speak.

Yagdar-la-la-laFebruary 18th 2011.

Rice and three for me. Yum. That article reminded me to go again. Like the Mona Lisa I will leave sporting an enigmatic smile.

Kevin PeelFebruary 18th 2011.

I won't have this slander of Ikea food - I love a hearty plate of chips and meatballs with that weird sauce in the middle of a shopping trip!

ChesneyFebruary 18th 2011.

Don't you have to put Ikea food together with a range of small tools?

AnonymousFebruary 18th 2011.

Is the DK guide allah-aving a laugh?

(posting anonymously due to embarrassment rather than risk of fatwah)

DescartesFebruary 18th 2011.

Kevin Peel, what do you mean 'weird sauce in the middle of a shopping trip'? Shouldn't the weird sauce come on a plate!?

JimFebruary 18th 2011.

Over here in France I often have cravings for Ikea meatballs and have to drive all the way to Geneva to pick some up. They're not the same when you've cooked them yourself though. Also like that Dime bar cake.

jollieFebruary 18th 2011.

ikea meatballs - i think you will find that:- 24,621 people like this.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/ikeameatballs

Neil BrookeFebruary 18th 2011.

Great idea from the 83 yr old dear. Let's get a movement going! Who's up for turning Daily Mails over wherever it's on sale...

NoelFebruary 18th 2011.

Howard Rayner has died...such a shame. He was an inspiration to so many Manchester people.R.I.P Howard

NoMoreInsideJobsFebruary 19th 2011.

Re:the daily mail

one day : RED WINE GIVES YOU CANCER

next day : DRINKING TOO LITTLE RED WINE GIVES YOU CANCER

following day: do muslims give you cancer ?

Totally irresponsible ' journalism'

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