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Sleuth 18/05/2012

Mancini's tipple, Siri's limitations, War reporting in Salford

Published on May 18th 2012.

Sleuth 18/05/2012

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's twisted truth. 
He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Siri Technology Fails Internet Love

Sleuth has Siri on his iPhone, the app that's being advertised on TV where you ask questions of your device and it replies. It's useless for Sleuth as it doesn't understand his accent. It can get worse than that though.

A geek loving friend was telling Sleuth how suddenly finding himself single he tried out internet dating. He met up with a girl called Carol in a bar and was getting along wonderfully, liked her a lot. In a fit of geek madness he decided to demonstrate Siri. "So what's in the diary tomorrow?" he asked Siri. "Tomorrow," said the robot voice, "you are taking Emma out on a date to the Northern Quarter."

Manchester City All The Rage

So Sleuth was out with 28 Finnish ladies this week all wearing yellow carnations ao they could identify each other. They were a bit interested in the history of Manchester but mainly interested in the shopping. All the usual stuff, best indie shops, big department stores and of course souvenirs for the kids and the menfolk of football shirts and such gumpf.

"So you'll want to know where to pick up Manchester United stuff then," said Sleuth because that's all ever foreign tourists want to buy. "No," said around eleven of the ladies, "Manchester City please." "Anybody for United?" asked a baffled Sleuth. Shakes of the head all round. "You're a fickle bunch, aren't you?" said Sleuth thinking, wow, anecdotal evidence of the rise and rise of the Blue Moon just days from Aguero's net rippling strike. 

Finnish ladies with luggage to fill City memorabiliaFinnish ladies with luggage to fill City memorabilia

Single Espresso Macchiato Mancini

So Lucy Photographer was remembering working in Caffe Nero on Piccadilly close to the Malmaison when City manager Roberto Mancini first came over. City would spend pre-match sleepovers at the Mal before home games. Apparently Roberto Mancini always nipped over the road in the morning to buy a single expresso macciato. Always the same drink - it's apparently the secret of his 'focus' as sportspeople say. Or maybe he just had a massive hangover from raiding the mini-bar all night.

Macchiato ManciniMacchiato Mancini

Manchester Park Staff Prove the Cliche

Some of the Oswald Road footy teams in south Manchester still had games to play in their leagues. But when one of the kids' teams turned up to play Wilmslow at Chorlton Park they had a surprise. They had to throw the game and award the points to Wilmslow because there was something missing at their home pitch. Manchester parkies had taken down the goalposts that were supposed to stay up until the end of May. "Maybe they've been sold off as part of council cuts," said one disgruntled coach, before adding, "Now I understand the expression 'moving the goalposts'."

Sleuth's Sign Of The Salford University Times

Sleuth is always meeting up with young people doing Salford University's journalism course. He never fails to pass on bad advice. This week news from the course, based at MediaCityUK, reversed things and left Sleuth lifting his hat and scratching his head. Apparently the modules on the course have been altered.  Magazine writing has been ditched and war reporting is being offered instead. Sleuth hopes this isn't in response to some atitudes of BBC staff concerning their move to MediaCityUK. 

Sleuth's Most Famous Error In City Navigation

Dear Drivers, there are some bollards outside Marks & Spencer that rise when the free buses have gone through to prevent cars accessing Cross Street during daytime shopping hours. These have been there for many years. They were installed in Roman times it's believed and yet many of you seem to not be aware of this fact. So here's another picture from this week of what happens should you try to follow said free bus. You are impaled publicly. People come along and laugh. They take pictures on phones. They send them to Sleuth. Who puts them up on Manchester Confidential. You should especially not do this if you're in a police car as shown below. Then it's even funnier. Yours, as ever...

It's happened againIt's happened again

Sleuth's Lies To Tell Tourists

Carlos Tevez, looking down from the Manchester City victory parade bus, was astonished to find that there were more than two restaurants in Manchester. 

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12 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

tblzebraMay 18th 2012.

I do believe that's an unmarked BMW 530i police car worth c.£30k, complete with two armed police officers in body armour.


1 Response: Reply To This...
SleuthMay 18th 2012.

Sleuth forgot to cut and paste in the last three sentences Zebra woman. Thank you he has now.

tblzebraMay 18th 2012.

You're very welcome Sleuth, I knew you'd know that. I'm very intrigued to know why the police apparently didn't know what they needed to know, though.

AnonymousMay 18th 2012.

I thought the police were allowed through, so it's probably a fault with the bollards rather than driver error...

AnonymousMay 18th 2012.

Also, eSpresso...

1 Response: Reply To This...
SleuthMay 18th 2012.

So it is. Thanks.

AnonymousMay 18th 2012.

Ah but the law doesn't apply to Kev the manc polece man in his police car. I was over taken by one doing at least 60mph on the parkway last night. He had to slow down to my speed past the speed camera, but then disappeared into the distance.

avoMay 19th 2012.

The BMW isn't even the current model so will probably be worth less than £10k given the mileage it would have done.

The age of the vehicle will probably mean that it would have been on the force's pool of cars for over a year, therefore the driver should know whether it is fitted with the sensor which would allow the bollards to drop.

Notwithstanding the above, there is a control post before each set of bollards which will flash green to let the driver know that it is safe to proceed through the crossing.

1 Response: Reply To This...
GordoMay 19th 2012.

Jesus Avo, find yourself a girlfriend!

tblzebraMay 19th 2012.

lmao @ Gordo!

PS Avo, what will it cost to replace the BMW though?

Andrew SpinozaJune 1st 2012.

Its 'publicly'. Not 'publically'. Sorry.

1 Response: Reply To This...
SleuthJune 1st 2012.

I think it can be both but I prefer your version

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