Sleuth 17/07/2009

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Manhunt for Rufus Wainwright at Manchester International Festival
Sleuth's been to loads of Manchester International Festival (MIF) events. The whole occasion's been full of gems. Sleuth doesn't think Rufus Wainwright’s opera Prima Donna has been one of them. At one point in the silly production, the heroine Regine and her maid sing in unison, “I’m going to call the Police.” They sing it in French. On his visit Sleuth decided to call the Police as well. In English, “Could you come and arrest Rufus Wainwright?” explained Sleuth. “He’s a thief. He’s just stolen two and three-quarter hours of my life.” The sergeant in Bootle Street Police Station sighed and sang tenor-like in French: “We’ve had calls asking for the Canadian songsmith's immediate deportation. His opera has no tunes and causes consternation." Then Sleuth, the audience and the Police sergeant all sang together: “We’d have preferred an opera by Alfred Wainwright, the Lancashire fell-walking man. Climbing Scafell in the rain would have been better than this sham.”

Pantomime in Albert Square
Sleuth might be being a bit harsh about Wainwright’s opera, although many people seem to agree with him. Still in a festival of premieres and special events there were bound to be a few bum notes. One person who liked the Wainwright opera, however, was the Council Leader, Sir Richard Leese. Sir RL said to Sleuth about Prima Donna: “I really enjoyed it. You obviously missed the point. It was a real entertainment.” “I disagree, it was a pantomime of the worst sort,” said Sleuth. “Oh no, it wasn’t,” said the Council Leader. “Oh yes, it was,” said Sleuth.

BBC late arrivals
There was further embarrassment on the night that Sleuth attended the Wainwright opera. This was caused by Ekow Eshun (pictured below). You might have seen him all over the TV, he’s a writer, journalist, and artistic director of the Institute of Contemporary Arts in London. He’s also a regular contributor to BBC2's Friday night arts programme Newsnight Review. He arrived late to the opera and caused a scene demanding to be let in. He kept grabbing the auditorium door handle and pulling it open. The attendant kept wrestling it closed. Eventually the management relented and he, and the lady with him, made a ridiculously loud entry into the theatre. The Newsnight Review was until recently called the Late Review. In this instance Eshun was the Late Reviewer - ho, ho. Still he provided the most entertaining moment of the opera by causing a scene far more dramatic than anything happening on stage.

The dead can’t count
Sleuth was on his way to an event in Manchester Art Gallery on Sunday. On Mosley Street he bumped into a vast procession of zombies. The procession involved lots of Mancunians dressed up as the undead. The idea was to break the world record Zombie walk, which is held by Nottingham with 1200 people taking to the streets. Sleuth stopped one of the undead and said, “Have you broken the record?” The charming walking corpse replied in a shaky voice, “I don’t know. I can’t count. I’m dead.” Bless him. Still Sleuth reckons given the number of people he saw that they must have buried that Nottingham figure.

Nutter and the tape measure
Sleuth had a fabulous lunch at Harvey Nichols on Monday courtesy of new head chef Stuart Thomson. Sleuth was with Gordo, David Gale, the chef of the Podium Restaurant at the Hilton, and Andrew Nutter, of the eponymous Nutter’s in Rochdale. Nutter, who likes to live up to his name, had a tape measure slung round his fetching pink shirt. “What’s that for?” asked Sleuth. “It’ll come in handy measuring things later,” said Nutter mysteriously. Sleuth never did find out what he might be measuring.

Space pensioners
Sleuth gets asked to do some odd things, including recently on 6 July a guided tour for the team of the Discovery Space Shuttle, led by Astronaut Mission Commander Lee Archambault. The spacemen had returned from the International Space Station in June, and were in Britain to inspire the nation’s budding astronauts at the Museum of Science and Industry. It was the second mission for Astronaut Swanson seen in the blue T-shirt here. “They call me a veteran now. Strange in space travel how after two jobs you become a veteran. In most trades you’d still be a novice.”

Royal Exchange sells out
So Sleuth was in the Royal Exchange with James Sullivan, a well-known teacher of this parish. “Ah what a terrible shame,” said Sullivan. “They’ve had to sell out. Fruit machines in the theatre, times must be really hard if they’ve gone down that road to raise cash.” He was looking at the fruit machines in front of the theatre entrance. “Yes,” said Sleuth, “and there’s lap-dancing every Wednesday. With oiled babes I believe.” “That’s going too far,” said Mr Sullivan, not apparently too shocked. “You have to question whether this government has its priorities in the arts sorted out.” Sleuth couldn’t keep it up any more. “You daft bugger,” he said, “these machines are part of the set for the Manchester International Festival’s Everybody Loves a Winner play set in a bingo hall.”

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