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Sleuth 17/06/10

A Confidential Invitation To Restaurants, Andrew Nutter, Tom Bloxham, Phallic Shadows And The Case Of The Curious Cactus

Published on June 16th 2011.

Sleuth 17/06/10

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Sleuth’s Twitter Madness of the Year

There’s a new Tweet record holder for Manchester one @will_hoe has tweeted more than 80,000 times – 81,704 at time of writing. If he’s been on for five years, that’s two tweets every hour every day over 1780 days. The funny thing is, if you get his name wrong you go to @willhoe who has done two tweets, two years ago. The second and last of these reads: ‘not a big fan of twitter haha’. And the rest is silence. The coincidence made Sleuth laugh out loud.

Sleuth’s Twitter profile nonsense of the week

After last week’s insolvency shenanigans (click here) Sleuth got a follower it was lawyer called Greg. His profile reads, ‘personal injury lawyer helping seriously injured people; expert in accidents at work, road traffic accidents & defective products. getting married in july!’ Spot the odd one out. Do professionals sometimes have no shame? And no grammar.

Vampires in the Nave

Speaking of God and parties and beer. Read Katie Slade’s fabulous piece on Andy Salmon, Salford Vicar, here. Katie was surprised that Salmon puts on gigs with a licensed bar. “Jesus drank,” Andy told her. “Some of the best beer in Belgium is brewed by monks. Beer and wine are one of God’s greatest inventions.” Good lad. It was also splendid to learn that his C of E churches host a vampire role playing group. More blood, vicar?

Sleuth’s Italian story of the week

A Confidential reader has been in Italy recently. She’s got a notoriously dirty mind and found the way the sun penetrated the stonework here suggestive of something. The wall is at St Peter’s in Rome. Tourism is all about personal growth after all. About getting to know other cultures and their interesting balustrades. Our reader stayed round to watch for a while because as she wrote to Sleuth: ‘As the sun gets lower in the sky, they get longer’. 

Strange plant in restaurant

Sleuth has noticed a general decline in journalistic drinking habits with some hacks going home early, not hoarding gin at their desks, and not falling over in a right state in Manchester's drinking dens. Confidential attempted to put this right on Tuesday. At one point the loud music led one of the team into drawing a map on the tablecloth thinking he was in an old Est, Est, Est. Regrettably the tablecloth was made of linen not paper. This was followed by another member of the team drawing a strange cactus-like plant - pictured here. Very botanical. This was naughty behaviour and we humbly apologise and promise to pay for the damage. Still at least we feel we've restored a bit of shine to journalism's tainted crown. Pride and shame. A proper night out. Now which restaurant wants to host us this Tuesday?

Let the privileged pay

At the Parklife Festival in Platt Fields park last weekend, the folk in the hospitality tent were in a right tizz on the second of the two days - the miserable wet Sunday. They might have been able to escape the rain in relative comfort but someone had noticed that the beer was £4 a pint in the tent and £3 outside at the booths. The debate was, save a quid and get muddy, or stay put. They stayed put. 

Vodka cache: the best ruse ever

One of the Confidential crew has a friend who didn’t want to pay £3, never mind £4, for booze at Parklife. So prior to the Festival he worked out the perimeter and buried three bottles of vodka. He retrieved them during the event and enjoyed the fruits of his battle against event organiser authority - thankful that he hadn’t miscalculated and been left to scrabble in the mud, his arm through the fence, his fingers achingly short of the treasure.

Where is Tom Bloxham MBE and his hat this week?

Sleuth has often been asked, do you know Tom Bloxham, the Urban Splash, property developer, and if so how do I spot him? Sleuth says study the main picture at the top of this page of Parklife and memorise that hat. That’s the way to spot him. Not that he’ll always be swaying to Kelis. 

God at the gig

On Sunday at Parklife, a topdog at Ear to the Ground, the event organisers, was told the music had to be turned off for an hour at 5pm. “On whose authority?” he asked. “It’s a request from The Holy Trinity church so they can conduct their Sunday service in peace,” came the reply, “So it comes from God really, the highest authority.” The Ear to the Ground representative said, “In that case we’d better agree.”

Andrew Nutter's favourite poster

Sleuth was sent this elevating and interesting poster from Rochdale's favourite chef maestro. He likes references to his surname no matter what the context is. Sleuth replied: "Andrew, I'm always worried about you."

The World according to Andrew Nutter

In a strange coincidence Sleuth bumped into Andrew Nutter on Monday night. He’d been entertaining veg wholesalers, the Noones, in Australasia. He was in fine form. A particularly good moment was when he said: “Make bacon sandwiches with goose fat, but don’t eat it looking at anyone. It must be eaten near nobody.” Sleuth still has no idea what he meant by this and he never wants to learn. He finds it poetic. More Nutter wisdom next week.

ImagesMandrill stained glass Sleuth’s picture of a Mandrill of the week

This is from the Church of Treesus and the Latter Day Apes in Heywood – a town known to the locals for reasons lost in history as monkey town.

Sleuth’s astonishingly accurate facts  of the week

Substitute food from supermarket internet ordering is always better than your first choice.

Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

M AdhatterJune 17th 2011.

I wonder where Mr Bloxham got that hat? Did he go to Whippells in Albert Square?

AnonymousJune 17th 2011.

Ha, One of my friends who went strapped a bag of wine (out of a box) to his body underneath his T shirt, and another friend took vodka in an (unused) catheter bag. They always find a way.

Sandy CastleJune 17th 2011.

That's a lovely picture of a Cocktas. And wonderful how the young blonde lady is gazing at it with such yearning. She'll hold her hand out to it soon.

AnonymousJune 17th 2011.

Anonymous, we've got rid of this rant because it's so aggressive and if there was a mistake it was honestly made. But calm down fella....yours, Sleuth

John HuttonJune 17th 2011.

The man with 80,000 tweets is clearly mad. Just mad. Or very very bored.

AnonymousJune 20th 2011.

Fair point it was a bit abrasive... wrong side of bed that morning. Just for the sake of accuracy the bridge that looks like it was designed by a schoolboy is Westminster Bridge in our own capital, your friend is mistaken. Kind regards, anon.

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