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Sleuth 15/06/2012

Bad Feng Shui In Chinatown, Jay-Z, Jay-S, Jack Black, NQ Bars Get Northern Accent Lessons

Published on June 15th 2012.

Sleuth 15/06/2012

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. 
He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Bad Lucky Arch In Chinatown Shock

Sleuth hears that the Chinese Arch erected in the 1980s in Chinatown is casting bad spells. Apparently the repairs needed at the top of the arch are proper bad Feng Shui. Some Chinese businesses think the area's equilibrium is all out of whack because of the disrepair and the big bag put over the crown of the arch. Problem is the council say they don't have the money (around £40k Sleuth hears) to finish the repairs while the local community groups also don't have the money. Bad news for balanced diners in the area then. 

That big plastic bag is twisting the mellowThat big plastic bag is twisting the mellow

99 Problems But A Barrier Ain’t One

Jay-Z and Kanye West were in town this week as part of the European leg of their Watch The Throne tour. And what a gig it was, for several reasons. Confidential’s Lynda Moyo was there along with our in-house photographer Emma Golpys. Emma is still beaming over the fact she was “close enough to Jay-Z to kiss his feet” while in the press pit for the first three songs of the gig. Sleuth presumes that was a good thing. View Emma’s close-up shots here

Jay-Z At Manchester ArenaJay-Z At Manchester ArenaUnfortunately within the group of snappers, two photographers from London who were supposedly shooting the gig for XXL – an American hip-hop magazine – decided they wouldn’t be leaving after their allocated slot of three songs. Press photographers have to clear off after then. The daring duo hurdled over the barriers and disappeared into the crowd in the mosh pit. Security weren’t happy. “What did they look like?” they asked. “Well they were black with caps on,” replied Emma.

Security didn’t manage to track the culprits down due to the fact a large proportion of the crowd were either black or had a cap on, or erm, were both. In fact the description could easily have been of Jay-Z and Kanye West themselves.

Well, not far off actually. Confidential can confirm that one of the naughty men ironically goes by the name Jay-S. Here’s his website: www.jaystewartphotography.com

Jay-Z And Kanye West At Manchester ArenaJay-Z And Kanye West At Manchester Arena

Festival Of Best Coverband Names Ever

Sleuth is a bit in love with Festwich taking place in September in Prestwich of course. This features lots of cover bands. The names are fantastic. There's Higher-On Maiden, Nearvana and Mentallica. Sleuth's absolute favourite is Antarctic Monkeys.

Lynda Moyo's Most Amazing Emporium

Health and Beauty editor Lynda Moyo gets sents samples and products by companies trying to promote themselves. Every now and then she has a clearout and Confidential staff get to choose all the things that La Moyo has decided she doesn't want. She's generous like that. Among all the perfumes, make-up, after shave and so on, arranged impressively on a table there was one product that people were ignoring. "What's this, Lynda, in this strange box?" asked one hardy soul. "That's the chlamydia testing kit we were sent," said Lynda, "do you want it?" "No," said the person, "I've always been very careful." Too much information, even by implication, thought Sleuth.

Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea testing kit anyone?Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea testing kit anyone?

Sleuth's Most Amazing Gentleman's Aide de Wardrobe

Mind you at Lynda Moyo's shop Sleuth was enticed by some gentleman's suspenders, called the Shirt Companion. These attach from shirt to socks to keep the latter up and your shirt crisp and tucked into your trousers. As the description says from Sharp&Dapper.com 'With natural comfort, The Shirt Companion, makes you feel confident and leaves you looking immaculate'. "I'll have these," said Sleuth, "admiring the elasticity of the suspenders, I can hang something horrific from the roof in the Haunted Underworld tour with them."

Just what a gentleman %28and tour guide%29 needsJust what a gentleman %28and tour guide%29 needs

Decked Out Beautifully

Sleuth was with the Confidential team down at a barbecue at Bohemia in Castlefield. The bar and restaurant was launching its outdoor terrace made from the most splendid assemblage of decking in Manchester. Siobhan Hanley was there from Manchester Food and Drink Festival. Sleuth was taking pictures of the decking. Gordo from Confidential was taking pictures of one half of the crowd. "That's very funny," said Siobhan,"you're taking pictures of the woodwork and Gordo's taking pictures of the women." "Each to their own mademoiselle," said Sleuth, "our magazine serves a broad church." "Eyyyyyyyy!" exclaimed Gordo with raised eyebrows.

Fit decking - can you spot Gordo?Fit decking - can you spot Gordo?

Jack Black Dwindling And Dawdling In Don Giovannis

Speaking of famous people Jack Black was in town with his band Tenacious D and had dinner in Don Giovannis on Oxford Road. The restaurant sent this picture which is very sweet although it redefines the word 'grainy'. Now, thinks Sleuth, is that waiter very tall or is Mr Noir tres petit? If it's the latter, maybe he wasn't the best choice for the role of Gulliver in the movie Gulliver's Travels. He'd probably fit right-in in Lilliput. Sleuth wonders if he had the kids menu at Don Giovannis.

Jack Black (not the one in the tie)Jack Black (not the one in the tie)

That Library Walk Again

Serious Sleuth. We've been vexed here, and so have many people about the plans to put 'a glass link' on Library Walk. Read the rants here, and here, and here. Now one of the campaigners from the 'Save Library Walk' Facebook group has sent us this. 'Originally the full associated planning documents were not attached to the application on the planning (webpages). It was only when I emailed the officer in charge (about 14 days ago) and pointed this out to them that the full application documents were put up.' So legal eagles out there does this mean that the consultation period should be extended? 

Sleuth's Lies To Tell Tourists

In Manchester's Northern Quarter bar and restaurant staff are given 'Northern Lessons' so they can speak with authentic Northern accents. Each member of staff has to learn the home accent, Manc, and a second accent. So, for example, in Common Bar the 'second accent' is Geordie, in Odd it's Scouse, in Black Dog Ballroom it's South Yorkshire and so on. One of the funniest things to do in Manchester is to ask for your drinks in that 'second accent'. The results are hilarious and the staff love it. 

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7 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

FurFoxAcheJune 15th 2012.

RE Planning: Their argument will be that the documents were available on request from the officer. I don't think the consultation would be extended.

Poster BoyJune 15th 2012.

Cover bands...the last vestige of those who have grown old and given up...

AnonymousJune 16th 2012.

How about instead of building that stupid library walk conservatory they use the money to repair the Chinese arch.

AnonymousJune 20th 2012.

The Chinese Arch is a tourist attraction which adds to the draw of Manchester. Perhaps the businesses in the Chinese Community can make fixed contributions to the repair. They could be honoured with their name (or business name) on a plaque.

AnonymousJuly 6th 2012.

Listen, all you hear in in and around Tib Street (Northern Quarter is a marketing too for non mancs to improve the dump it is and always will be btw) are Southern accents being served by southern accents because god forbid, if bars and upmarket restaurants (owned by southerners)are to prosper then you would prefer "your own" to serve in them not common locals surely, who might lower the tone somewhat, and no im not exaggerating either. The Millstone and the Unicorn are about the last bastions of northerness around those streets and they seem to be doing everything to socially cleanse that area in cahoots with a council who often dont hail from Ooop north too Richard Leese Pat Karney etc etc being a case in point, amongst many others too, why on earth do they want to listen to our grating northern accents eh when we can listen to "rent a grammar" false BBC style received pronounciation? Give me a "ta chuck" any day of the week! Its also funny how many of the contracts across the city ie: Co-ops new multi million pound "NOMA" white elephant (also name of a facial deformity!) development are going to Londoners too, its shameful. The Library walks "greenhouse" should also be scrapped and confined to the bin of loony ideas and then said councillors who came up with plans chucked in with it!!

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousJuly 6th 2012.

There's plenty of vacant premises in that part of town, and there's fuck all stopping any of your precious genuine Mancs opening bars and exclusively employing other genuine Mancs. I don't think accents are a deciding factor in getting a licence.

Very sad that you have a problem with the fact that people from all over the country want to come to Manchester to live, work and do business. Very sad indeed. If it's any consolation they're mostly confined to the centre and south of the city.

JimJuly 6th 2012.

Lord as a through and through northerner that last post is really really embarrassing.

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