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Sleuth 14/05/2010

New network of Manchester tunnels found, Van Gogh found, Legoland raided

Published on May 14th 2010.


Sleuth 14/05/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

First Banksy: now original Van Gogh found
“I couldn't believe it,” said Sleuth. “A man called in today to say he'd spotted an original Vincent Van Gogh painted on the side of the People's History Museum. I went down and couldn't believe what I saw. Imagine this coming right after that Banksy picture was found in the Northern Quarter (click here). It's clearly an original.”

The picture shows a man with the side of his head bandaged.

Sleuth called some experts to check the works authenticity.

One expert, called Sewell, said, “Van Gogh did get to Manchester sometime in 1886 while on a holiday fishing for lethal chemicals in the River Irwell. He disappeared for several days, it was a real mystery. There were reports of him being spotted up some scaffolding close to the river with an absolutely massive stencil. The mystery of his whereabouts now appears to be solved.”

Some theories suggest he painted this while looking at his reflection in the Civil Justice Centre over the road. They also suggest that because it was a rainy day when Van Gogh was painting his ear he abandoned that bit of his face and covered it with a big bandage.

Sleuth asked Banksy what he thought of this amazing discovery. Banksy said “.......” As usual.

Other rumours of a Goya on Minshull Street, a Titian on Faulkner Street and a Constable in Piccadilly have been dismissed as pure rumour. “We've not seen a Constable here for years,” said one trader, “never mind an Inspector.”

However rumours of several original examples of 'art' in Manchester Art Gallery appear to be true.

What's a Banksy?Sleuth sometimes exists in a bubble. He thinks everyone should know what he knows, or maybe that art which has been in the news will have been clocked by everyone. Thus one person in the Confidential office said after our best revelation of the week: β€œI don't understand this. What's a Banksy?” Everyone turned and looked at him. He went red. β€œIt's where you put your monsy-wunsy,” said Sleuth. A shade cruelly.

Sleuth's rant of the week
This was from the Banksy story. It painted a picture of missed opportunity: Goosey says: 'I was in the erstwhile Zumbar (now Odder) on Oxford Road years ago when Banksy was caught by the owner (Papa Smurf Kevin for those who remember him) 'graffitiing' the bogs. Kevin went mental and dragged him off to get bleach and a scrubbing brush, standing there over him while he made him clean it off, oblivious to the fact if he just removed the tile concerned from the wall he could probably retire on the proceeds. Epic fail, as I believe the kids say these days.'

The bloody BBC
Sleuth was out living it up the city last night but he heard that the BBC ran a feature on the Banksy our reader had found for us. “Hey,” Sleuth said to a BBC contact this morning, “how come you didn't credit us for the story?” “I'm sure you use our stories all the time,” said the prickly contact who wished to remain damnably nameless. “Maybe occasionally in our 250 News, but otherwise never,” said Sleuth. “And the difference is you get more than £3bn in a licence fee/tax a year, we have to fight for every advertising and offer penny we earn. A little more graciousness might be nice in such circumstances. And the odd little credit.” Sleuth slammed the phone down. He loves the Beeb but some of them can be damned ingrates.

Incredible network of Manchester tunnels foundConfidential has been doing tours of the tunnels under Manchester for readers. Sleuth got this email from one the other day. 'Will it be dark?' they wrote. 'Hope so,' replied Sleuth. There was a pause in communication for an hour or so, then the same person wrote again. 'Will the tunnels be underground?' 'Preferably,' replied Sleuth. Intriguing notion though - overground tunnels. 'Are there many tunnels in the city?' people might ask. 'Yes,' locals could reply and point down Market Street or Deansgate, 'we have one of the most extensive networks of overground tunnels in the country, although these are also called streets.' Deansgate overground tunnel

Legoland at TC amnesty
Sleuth often gets depressing Police notices about the trivial crimes which daily take place across Greater Manchester. This week though Legoland Discovery Centre told Sleuth that in the month and a half since opening some 2000 Lego mini-figures have been pocketed, some 500 car wheels from the Test and Build area have been liberated, while 23 pieces from the Selfridges' Birmingham Bullring model have been relieved along with a whole model Blackpool tram. Legoland has now offered an amnesty to try and recover some of the missing items after the Police failed to piece together the evidence.

Lego and Sleuth's joke
Sleuth's proud of the joke in the last sentence of the above story - the police weren't actually involved at all. The amnesty is true though. The funniest thefts have been repeated violations against the mini-Wayne Rooneys and Stigs (from Top Gear) in the various Lego scenes. Mind you Sleuth isn't convinced this is anything to do with their 'celebrity'. He thinks they've been nabbed as spares. Look at the pictures below, lego men heads look like Rooney's noggin and racing drivers all look like Stig.

Spare Rooney HeadsStig

One ticket machine forward, one back
Sleuth likes the new Metrolink machines, especially as a couple of weeks ago, there was a nice Metrolink man helping explain them to customers. But it always seems one step forward, at least one step backwards on the system. It's good news that you can now use a credit or debit card to pay for tickets, it's bad news that formerly there were two ticket machines, now there's only one, the other two having been decommissioned. So now in the morning at the busy Trafford Bar station punters get twice the queue they used to.

Elderly women and Gordon Brown
Good joke to Sleuth by Manc wit Luke Bainbridge on Tuesday. He texted with: 'I bet when Brown leaves Buckingham Palace he's muttering: “Disaster....just some bigoted woman.”' Sleuth's a bit of a liberal monarchist (it's a new definition he's given himself), but wit is wit.

Sleuth loveliest picture of the week
This is our fashion editor Lynda Moyo on the 45th floor of Beetham Tower in a friend's flat. Who would have thought Hulme could look so lovely?

Sleuth's lies about cows
If cows stand up it's going to be sunny. If cows are wearing evening gowns, they're off to the Bovine of the Year awards.

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9 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Max CliffordMay 14th 2010.

Is Sleuth really so surprised about the BBC? BBC Manchester's news gathering skills comprise of reading the Manchester Evening News (and clearly Man Con too by your account) in the morning and pinching the stories for that evening's North West Tonight. I regularly send the BBC press releases, only for them to ring up the following day wanting to cover the story once it has been splashed all over the local and national press. So much for journalists wanting to be first with the news. Here's an idea for you BBC: read your emails! Better still, set up separate email accounts for news providers, so you separate press releases from the comments you receive from the public. That way, you might get the odd exclusive.

Smyth HarperMay 14th 2010.

I see it's also in the MEN today and they haven't credited you either (although I don't think the MEN actually acknowledges that Mancon exits lol).

AnonymousMay 14th 2010.

I think trains or roads are passing through tunnels in mountains, which may not be called "underground"??

AmigoMay 14th 2010.

I loved the comment about wee papa smurf and Banksy. As a former slave/employee of said establishment I remember having to try and warn the musicians (who were sent over from Mark and Lard's show at the Beeb) about the food in a diplomatic way. Wee papa smurf refused to serve PJ Harvey a baked potato and I remember Robert Fripp flipping out about the muzak.

daveybMay 14th 2010.

is that the real max clifford posting on manconf?

Scott NeilMay 14th 2010.

Lynda Moyo. indeed, Sleuth.

Dr Lego-verMay 14th 2010.

The "racing driver" lego men are clearly astronauts..... tut tut.

CorncliffeMay 14th 2010.

Nice looking lady

Lover of NooksMay 15th 2010.

Nice, she's beautiful. And so's Manchester in this picture

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