Sleuth 13/05/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Sleuth’s City silliness of the week

Sleuth can’t believe the homepage of the official City website - above. Look at the Barclay’s Premier League table. Look where it starts. With second place and Chelsea. That doesn’t stop United being top dear City people. It doesn’t make their neighbour’s success any less real.

Sleuth’s most terrifying email from Confidential of the week

When we send emails out to readers we write titles to go in their inboxes. BT internet shortens these to fit them in a list. Sleuth was shocked to read this at the start of the week: Manchester’s biggest ever cock… Of course it was meant to say Manchester’s biggest ever cocktail. “That email will have a big opening rate,” giggled Gordo. Here's the evidence. 

Busiest Wetherspoons

Sleuth’s heard a rumour that the Wetherspoons in the Trafford Centre is the busiest regional Wetherspoons. The back of the bar features loads of famous Manchester street names lifted cheekily, given the location, from the city centre, including that major thoroughfare, Coronation Street. The front of the bar features loads of desperate men for whom shopping has lost all appeal. The men are texting their wives, elsewhere in the big mall, asking if they could drive home, as two pints are always better than one. A single pint is just lonely. 

Sleuth’s wrong word of the week

Spot it yourself - on this car park sign.

Sleuth’s error of the week

Andy Spinoza spotted this and put it on his Twitter feed @andyspin: ‘The Observer: Mario Balotelli goes to a Mcr "nightclub" called “Jukes”. When it's a pub named Dukes. No Northern staff, no local knowledge.’ Very perceptive Andy thinks Sleuth. It's pisspoor. 

Sleuth’s pure pain of the week

Sleuth is devastated his fave club has closed. Sleuth got an email a week or so ago saying, ‘Do you know Pure is shut?’ Sleuth replied with, ‘Yes I know Pure is shit, but it can be good fun if you’ve had enough to drink and happen to be in the Printworks?’ The correspondent informed Sleuth that he must have misread the email. 

Sleuth’s picture of an unlikely duck - of the week

Binns, our News Editor, sent Sleuth this picture in an email. He called the email ‘Picture of a Duck’. Binns is well-known for his accurate journalism, “I stick to the facts,” he said. The duck is walking down an alleyway in Salford. Sleuth reckons it was trying to save the environment by not flying. It later got on a bus.

Sleuth’s poke in the eye letter of the week

This from Manchester’s Minister for Fun Councillor Pat Karney to The Guardian letters page: ‘For the past few months Manchester has been singled out for crude and targeted attacks from coalition leaders and ministers. We had everything thrown at us, from made-up figures about our finances to imaginary posts in the town hall, like a "twitter tsar". We were accused of treating Manchester as a political laboratory so that we could force through political cuts to embarrass the government. Manchester has now spoken. In a historical sweep of candidates all Liberal Democrat councillors up for election were swept away for these deceits. Manchester is not just a Tory-free zone; we are now heading towards a Lib Dem-free zone.’ Likes a good gloat, our Pat.

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