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Sleuth 12/03/10

Mark Owen, Gary Neville, David Beckham, Marshal Tito, Sir Richard Leese and Alice: the truth at last

Published on March 11th 2010.

Sleuth 12/03/10

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Disgraceful confession
Sleuth bumped into a man the other day who had something truly shocking to tell him. 'I'm not famous, and I haven't done anything that put me on the news,” he said. “But I'm afraid to have to admit that I have never had any affairs or been unfaithful in any way. I've simply not slept with ten different women in the last year. Nor indeed any which I shouldn't have in the last ten years. I've been totally loyal.” Sleuth couldn't believe what he was hearing. The man went on: “I'm so deeply sorry for the pain my actions have caused. I'd like to ask the media to please respect the privacy of the family during this difficult time."

Gary Neville from Take That
Of course it was Mark Owen of Take That, or perhaps Shag That, who admitted that he'd been a naughty boy this week. Meanwhile Sleuth was watching United v AC Milan on Wednesday when he was surprised to see Gary Neville at 35 running around like a spring chicken. So how are Take That and Gary Neville linked? Well it reminded Sleuth of Gary's wedding in 2007 and his brother's best man speech. Apparently the bride, Emma, had been smitten by Take That. “A friend in a bar said to her,” explained Phil Neville, “look, there's Gary Barlow of Take That. It was this mistake which led to the couple meeting. It was later revealed she'd misheard, and what was really said was, there's Gary Neville, the twat.”

Beckham sea of green
So Sleuth was on Radio 5 Live on Wednesday morning talking to Nicky Campbell about the Beckham affect in Manchester. Had he been good for the city in his time playing at United and all that? The segment was introduced with clips from Beckham's career underscored by a tune from a popular Manchester band. Namely Oasis playing Don't Look Back in Anger. Sleuth asked on air whether using a tune from a fanatically Man City supporting group had been appropriate? “Ooh, don't be so chippy,” said Campbell. Those BBC producers eh? They like their secret fun. Anyway here's a picture of the lovely David at Manchester Airport.

Dutch cups
Sleuth got a little tiddly in San Carlo restaurant before AC Milan were humiliated at Old Trafford. Some Dutch season ticket holders (yep, they fly over every home game) came in and started messing about with an exact European Cup replica made from steel. “Not sure, you're going to get into the ground with that,” said Sleuth, “might be deemed an offensive weapon.” “Oh no,” came the reply, “we won't take it, we're just having fun. But we also have a friend here who makes them, makes them like real, for sale, you know. It's cool. Want to buy one?” Sleuth declined, he's done several foolish thngs in his life while drunk but buying a fake European Cup was even beyond him.

Marshal Tito is Manchester Council Leader
Sleuth bumped into Sir Richard Leese, the boss of Manchester City Council at the formal opening of the People's History Museum on Friday 5 March. “Did you like the picture we'd photo-shopped of you as Joseph Stalin for your interview with us?” Sleuth asked (click here for the pic). “It was good, but I was thinking more Marshal Tito of Yugoslavia,” said the esteemed leader. Sleuth felt that was a gauntlet thrown down. So here's Sir Marshal Richard Tito Leese. Next week Chairman Mao Tse-Leese.

Pant head art
So Sleuth was walking past Central Library the other day when he noticed this set of underwear draped over the face of the main man on the magnificent Adrift sculpture in St Peter's Square - just outside the Town Hall Extension. A short time later they were gone. Sleuth applauds the Statues (Removal of Undergarments) Department at the Town Hall for their swift work. Thanks to their tireless endeavour most of our public art remains free from nether garments year in and year out.

Alice in Wonderland
Sleuth went with family in tow to watch Alice in Wonderland at the IMAX cinema in the Printworks Odeon last week. Loved it. Thing was Family Sleuth were a few minutes late. The IMAX was packed out. The attendent was about to separate said family to all four corners of the cinema when she realised they'd been given complimentary media tickets. “Follow me,” she said. Right in the middle of the auditorium, two thirds up, in the best place, were four empty seats. Family Sleuth had to edge past people whose vision was impaired by 3-D glasses. One Sleuth child knocked over somebody's water, another somebody's coke, Sleuth kicked a man's foot who yelped and knocked over his popcorn. Everywhere. On the four empty seats were notices saying, “Reserved, Manchester Confidential.” People nearby were staring hard: the family felt like prawn sandwich supporters in a United directors' box. They were as popular as the Glazers. Just then, in a quiet movie moment, Ralph, the youngest, said, “Hey this is great, and it was all free.” More stares. Sleuth concentrated on the film and pondered the merits of corporal punishment.

Sleuth's sweetest promo of the week
This comes from Rags to Bitches, the lovely Tib Street shop, complete with vintage clothes, bric-a-brac and dress-making classes. They are holding a fifth birthday event this week. The sweet promo goes: 'Hi. Thanks again for all the RSVPs. Anyone else intending to come it'd be nice to know so we know how much trifle to make.'

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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AgricolaMarch 12th 2010.

Sir Richard is very dapper as Tito I reckon

Tyson ThebeerhoundMarch 12th 2010.

Umm, shouldn't that be Marshal, not Marshall? That was his rank, not his name. SLEUTH COMMENT: Of course it should. What a fool with the spelling. Went American there. Changed.

AgricolaMarch 12th 2010.

That Shag That story makes me think a lot better of the Nevilles and I'm a Blue. Very funny.

Peter18156March 12th 2010.

but its the Art Gallery that does statues and probably pants as well.... very conceptual

Elaine16773March 13th 2010.

David B. When he was in the tunnel and he gave 'the ladies' a peck on the cheek.Aah! Nice lad.

GordoMarch 14th 2010.

I had that trifle... it was bloody good, thanks rags, a charming evening.

Phil , ManchesterMarch 24th 2010.

Marketing Manchester rips Manchester City Councill off

With jobs cuts forecast already by the city council I fully support the calls for the thousands of pounds (£421.000) which was overpaid to Marketing Manchester last year to be paid back. How at any time, let alone during this current economic climate, the council can sit back and allow such a huge amount of tax payers money to be thrown away is staggering.

The council claim that it would be too expensive to chase and reclaim this overspend, yet this is the same council who will quite happily chase through the courts and send out very expensive bailiffs to all bad payers of the council tax, parking tickets or any other small sum that is owed to them.

This double standard where yet again it is the poor tax payer who suffers for this gross incompetence is quite frankly disgraceful.

And as an upstanding and reputable organisation surely Marketing Manchester should be quite happily refunding the monies themselves and doing what they know to be the right thing.

At the very least this is extreme bad management and at the worst you have to ask just how complicent is the council in this fiasco? Has the council received a back handed payment to encourage them to drop the case? Were Marketing Manchester aware of the overspends as they were occuring but said nothing?

These are of course very unpleasant questions, but with such a huge amount of tax payers money being involved here I think we all have the right to ask them, and indeed to demand that they are answered.

Will the council explain to the next person made redundant, or explain to the next OAP who has had a service cut thats affected them, that perhaps £421,000 could have saved that job or service?

How many further police would that put on our streets for a year? How many computers or books would that have bought for our local schools?

This is a huge amount of OUR money, and I think we all have the right to demand that we get it back.

J E SibberingMarch 24th 2010.

Phil, it wasn't an overspend, it was an accounting blunder. MM were paid the correct amount, but Manchester CC paid more than it should have and the other councils less... over a six year period.<br><br>
So it's NOT MM who owe anything - the councils should sort it out amongst themselves, you'd think it wouldn't be difficult.

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