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Sleuth 10/10/2008

The story of Shaun Ryder and the dog with two members plus Kevin Cummins, creches for men, and Alan McGee's hat (almost)

Published on October 10th 2008.


Sleuth 10/10/2008

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Shaun Ryder – the wrongest story ever
Sleuth hears that the Buy Art Fair launch at Urbis was a smash hit last night. One sculpture is by all accounts the wrongest thing to have arrived in this city for a long while. Michele Howarth Rashman (wife of well-known man about town, Elliot Rashman) has produced ‘Hey Shawarma’. This is based on a Happy Mondays’ line ‘dog with two dicks’ in the Dr Dick song from the Uncle Dysfunctional album. The sculpture has the appearance of a misshapen dog with Shaun Ryder’s head and two...well, er...dicks. Mr Ryder hadn’t seen this before last night and liked it. A photographer asked for some pics, someone made a suggestion: the result was Ms Howarth Rashman and Mr Ryder each fellating one of the sculpted members of the beast. “Won’t be seeing that in the local press,” a passer-by commented. Indeed.

Festival feeling
Great to see that the Buy Art Fair in Urbis got off to a good start. Sleuth loves the event. It brings Urbis alive with contemporary art from lots of private galleries. One the first evening a nice £6k work sold and one gallery cleared fifteen pieces. The Damien Hirst doodles which are being auctioned off for charity started with healthy prices, the shark doodle has a £2250 bid, which readers can go down and out-do if they so wish. The fair goes on to Sunday 12 October and costs £5.50 (£4.50) to view.

Cummins in the air
Sleuth was in the Midland Hotel with the In the City folk last week when pr guru Andy Spinoza moved over. He introduced Sleuth to Kevin Cummins, photographer to the stars, famed for a Smiths set of snaps and big City fan – he has some work at the Buy Art Fair, see above. Cummins told how he’d once been invited to the States and was asked if he could take a United Airlines flight. “I’d rather not,” he deadpanned, “it’s the name you see.” This became the stuff of legend amongst fanatic Blues even though Cummins had only been joking. “One time,” he told Sleuth, “this fan said to me, ‘nice one with the United Airlines thing. Came as a shock though, didn’t even know the fuckers had their own airline.’”

Just cummins
Sleuth enjoyed In the City. He attended a seminar about what the internet sex industry could teach the music world wide web (turns out, probably very little). Jerry Barnett from www.strictlyporn.com, which builds porn sites for others, said to the confusion of everybody, “there are various attractive models you can look over, but when it gets to the nitty gritty, the simplest models are always prove the most satisfying.” Another guest, the erotica site owning Holly Randall, from www.hollyrandall.com looked puzzled as well. It was a while before Holly and the bewildered audience twigged that Mr Barnett was talking business ‘models’. Make it clear fella, would you?

Statistically proven
Following the above story Sleuth is wondering right now just how many one handed Confidential readers have logged off and are already sampling the other type of models on www.hollyrandall.com

Men sorted out
Sleuth is always pleased to see pubs using a little ingenuity in fighting for their survival. The sign below can be found on Mosley Street pointing to the Seven Oaks pub in Chinatown. Creative marketing at it's best, Sleuth reckons.

Lot of hot air
Sleuth was asked to show some Croats around Manchester last week. They were bigwigs he was told, in the building trade. One was an architect who wanted to see the best new building in the city. Sleuth took them to The Trafford Centre. Only joking. Sleuth took them to the Civil Justice Centre in Spinningfields. He described the energy efficiencies of the building, how by using natural elements the need for conventional air conditioning was reduced. “It’s the future, one day we can get rid of all that noisy, polluting plant on roofs,” Sleuth said enthusiastically. Most of the Croats looked sad. The architect said, “they’re all air conditioning engineers. Perhaps the organiser didn’t tell you?”

Ting Ting unplugged and in your house
Sleuth was pleased to learn that a friend had got a new lodger in to help out with the bills and the chores. She’s Chinese and she’s called Ting Ting. Sleuth’s friend has had to stop the children, though, following her around singing, “that’s not your name, that’s not your name.” Kids eh?

Farcebook
Meanwhile Sleuth’s acting as a mentor for Lady Lavinia in her wanderings around the city. Lavinia hates Facebook, says it’s full of the inane and the foolish who’ve forgotten how to talk to each other. She has evidence. “I had this boss,” she says, “and he fired me. It was an acrimonious, no-holds barred, dirty dismissal that was very painful. Then Facebook came along and he invited me to be a friend? Can you believe how insane the web turns people?” Er, yes, I can, thinks Sleuth, have you seen Paul and Gary banging on about Alderley Edge on the All Bar One review this week?

Cutting edge journalism
Sleuth was at the closing party of In the City this week at Mint Lounge. He was a little tiddly. He was stood next to Alan McGee, music bigwig, formerly of Creation Records, the man who discovered Oasis. Sleuth’s friend said, “don’t you want to chat to him, talk about his experiences, get some juicy stories?” Sleuth looked at his beer, looked at McGee, looked at his beer again. He shook his head. “No I just think I’ll take a picture of the back of his head and that silly hat he’s wearing without a flash.” Here’s the pic below. Sleuth is going to leave Manchester paparazzing to Eamonn Clarke.

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Cracking One Off Right NowOctober 10th 2008.

I am ashamed.

Bingo BagginsOctober 10th 2008.

Is that you Gordo?

MarkOctober 10th 2008.

Cracking one off while reading Confidential would be like eating on the toilet.We've all done it.

GordoOctober 10th 2008.

No Bingo, and I am still trying to figure out where Mark got that one from. And, I haven't been eating and dumping at the same time.

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