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Sleuth 10/09/2010

Terry’s advice for Rooney, vases, odd monuments, idea for the BBC site

Published on September 15th 2010.


Sleuth 10/09/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Sleuth and the Chelsea Captain
Sleuth asked Juan Terry if he had any advice for Wayne Rooney given the unfortunate headlines regarding the latter’s private life.

“I’d play a classic 4-4-2,” said the ex-England captain. “Four girls in Rosso, four in Manchester235 and a pair up front in the Lowry.”

Sleuth’s favourite rant of the week
After our story about Cyril Smith, Morrissey and Rooney (click here) one of our readers made an interesting point about the footballer element of the story. JOHNTHEBRIEF 07 September 2010, 22:40:11 I've eaten in Rosso several times and never got a shag there. It's the same old story, favourable treatment for "celeb" customers and no thought for the ordinary punter.

Sleuth best event title of the year
Manchester Literature Festival this October has an event called ‘Odes on Lancashire Vases’. This is a two day course where ‘participants use the Pilkington’s Lancastrian Pottery exhibition as a source of inspiration’.

Sleuth’s decided to have a go. This is his adaptation of the well-known Kipling classic ‘If’.

If you can talk with vases and keep your virtue,
Or walk with vases - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving vases can hurt you,
If all vases count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving vase
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Vase and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Vase, my son!

A portrait of the young William Shakespeare as a vase

Sleuth is an Aussie
Sleuth got a taxi into work the other day and had this conversation.

“Are you Australian?” said the Pakistani cabbie.

“No,” said Sleuth, “born and brought up around here. How could you possibly think I was Aussie with my accent.”

“You seemed very direct is all, which is very Australian,” said the cabbie, before adding, “I was born in Pakistan but grew up here. I left for three years when I was nineteen, fell in love and ran away from the family to London, got married.”

“Oh,” said Sleuth feigning interest.

“Worst decision of my life,” said the cabbie weaving in and out of other vehicles on Chester Road. “I ran away again when I was 22. The woman I fell in love with turned out to be a monster. My family eventually caught up with me and made me get divorced and then have an arranged marriage.”

Sleuth was interested now, “That must have been terrible,” he said.

“No, best thing that ever happened to me. Been happy for twenty years, had kids. It’s been wonderful, I’m really pleased my parents made me do it,” said the cabbie.

What an interesting inversion of what we normally hear thought Sleuth. Not that he’s a fan of arranged marriages of course. Sleuth is a romantic at heart.

Sleuth and TwitterCricket players, colleagues and now rocksters (see below). Why do people on Twitter think they aren’t being watched. Every sad hack in the world has Twitter feeds from celebs. For more on this subject check out Sleuth’s Twitter page - mcrsleuth.

Twitter and seaside
Sleuth follows Tom Bloxham of Urban Splash on his Twitter page. Tom who’s Twitter title is the modest TomBloxhamMBE likes to use tweets to advertise his buildings – relentlessly. One this week was ‘The Mirror likes our Midland Hotel in Morcambe ! (click here)’ Sleuth shook his head at that. Morecambe please Tom, not Morcambe.

Sleuth’s quotes of the week
This week’s guest editor on the ‘Quotes of the Week’ is Mani, ex of the Stone Roses and latterly of Primal Scream, and recently of Freebass, the Manchester group he set up with Peter Hook ex of New Order. He’s been tweeting in the manic way of a man who really doesn’t give a flying fuck about anybody. Very Madchester, very Manchestoh. Or maybe these are just the foolish comments of someone who’s so arrogant as to think being rude, objectionable and vile is ok because he’s Mani and a bit – a bit – famous. Sorry dear readers, Sleuth got serious there but look at these quotes from Mani about Peter Hook and the thirty year long dead Ian Curtis.

"used to adore the man, now he's a self centred sellout reduced to hawking his mates corpse around to get paid. And he can't play"

"I'm fine, dunno about the vulture who is ravenously devouring the last morsels of putrid flesh from Wilson/Curtis bones [...] I'm getting back with the "real"players tomorrow thank fuck. Can't be doing with talentless nostalgia fuckwit whores."

"and I haven't even started on the cunt’s amateur night, one trick pony shite 2 string bass playing yet either. Used to laugh [...] we were all laughing behind his back watching the stupid wank struggle to do the same old shit he's done for the last 30 years !!"

On Freebass - "it's where it belongs mate.... In the fuckin bargain bin before it's even released. you live and learn. I'm still no 1 though."

"recovered from my vicious rants of last night.dont take to kindly to getting mugged off by people who cant hold a torch to me [...] either personally or professionally. ever wondered why im universally loved, and another manc ex legend in his own mind is despised by most [...] simple really, treat people with the same respect as you would expect from them”

Sleuth loves the last line but wants to add an eleventh commandment to the classic ten: ‘Thou shalt think before thy tweet’.

Sleuth’s idea of the weekThis comes from Neil Thornton and regards the BBC building and site on Oxford Road – click here Neil quoted Jackie Potter the chief executive of Corridor Manchester, the organisation overseeing the development of the Oxford Road area. In 2009 she said: “It's not just about the dull stuff, but also about creating somewhere people enjoy being. I want it to be incredibly green, with really good public transport and infrastructure.”

Neil says: ‘So, why can’t the 5.4 acre BBC site become Manchester city centre’s first new park in more than a century, if not ever? A mixture of public and publicly-funded bodies (BBC, Manchester Universities, hospitals, the council) already have a vested interest in the site and could make turning this city centre landmark into a world-class inner city park the next priority. Many other cities around the world have parks in the city centre and it has always been to Manchester’s detriment that there are no significant green central acres for its residents and visitors.

'They could even raise funds through public subscription, just like in the old days when funding for public monuments, statues, recognition of great achievements, or simple thanks for great deeds done, was required.’

Sleuth’s spelling error of the week
Sleuth thinks Neil Thornton’s idea for the BBC site is fabulous. Sleuth did have to change a small detail in Neil’s thoughts. The last paragraph originally read: ‘They could even raise funds through public subscription, just like in the old days when funding for pubic monuments, statues, recognition of great achievements, or simple thanks for great deeds done, was required.’ Sleuth hopes the spelling mistake was genuine, he hopes Neil didn’t really mean ‘pubic monuments’. Sleuth doesn’t want any pubic monuments in the city. Although given the BBC site lies over the River Medlock from Fac251 and given Mani’s rash comments, if we had to have some - one of a dick might be appropriate.

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26 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Pubically mindedSeptember 10th 2010.

Didn't you have some rather enchanting pubic monument pics from when it snowed around Christman

Hook, line and slinkerSeptember 10th 2010.

Poor Mani. I've heard him speak and he's not very bright. Probably didn't know what he was saying.

WordsworthSeptember 10th 2010.

The boy stood on the burning vase. April is the cruellest vase. Shall I compare thee to a summer's vase. She walks in beauty like the vase. I wandered lonely as a vase. Dulce et decorum pro patria vase.

Eddy RheadSeptember 10th 2010.

As a lad growing up in the 80s i remember manchester being dotted with lots of open air car parks on wasteground. Then some selfish so and so's went and built on them - Bridgewater Hall, Urbis, Piccadilly Place etc etc. As the current government seem determined to take us back to those halcyon days again i expect the BBC site to become a very large surface carpark.

Pedantic poetSeptember 10th 2010.

If you pronounce vase the American way does it work as for as scanning is concerned

EugeneSeptember 10th 2010.

ManCon - lovin' the idea re a city centre park...why don't you start a campaign? It really is a top idea...there are a few parks dotted around town - St Johns St Gardens/Sackville Park/ Roman Fort, but they are all pretty small....at least if they took half of the BBC site to make a park and built on/sold half, that would be sizeable and worthwhile. O Road itself is choked with fumes from those damn buses so this would go some way to supporting the health of the city and it's residents.

J E SibberingSeptember 10th 2010.

The city needs a children's playground. Somewhere, anywhere.

AgricolaSeptember 10th 2010.

Vase, vase burning bright in the forest of the night. O Vase thou art sick. To see the vase in a grain of sand. Oh no all my vases are William Blakes

AgricolaSeptember 10th 2010.

TBLZEBRA I think the city needs a children's vase. Somewhere, anywhere. V

John HarrisSeptember 10th 2010.

I've said many times that the proposed site of West Properties pretentious and obtrusive abortion by Canal Street should be turned into an underground car park (the w@nkers at West have already done that bit) and the surface made into a public park.

Mancon's favourite councillor Mr Karney said this isn't possible but I'm sure there are powers for the council to acquire land which is derelict and has been abandoned, as the Origin site has.

All that's there are some idle cranes and some advertising for "purchasing opportunities" that stink of hubris.

JohnSeptember 10th 2010.

So, Sleuth, you berate Tom Bloxham MBE for leaving out the 'e' in Morecambe but add an extra 's' to Stone Roses, Mr. Pot meet Mr. Kettle.
As for Hook, Line and Slinker, you may have heard Mani speak but if you think he's not very bright then you've obviously never met him. The Madchester scally act is just that, he's a smart guy

DescartesSeptember 10th 2010.

The Stone Rosses were pretty cool though John

DibigoSeptember 10th 2010.

Wow imagine having a job where you followed tweets and then commented on gramatical errors. Also the story about the taxi driver, so interesting. Always a fascinating read the Sleuth section of "Man Con".

TwostringSeptember 10th 2010.

Mani's right. Anyone who's ever met Hooky thinks he's a stuck up ****. He is milking the corpses of 2 genuine legends to a fine tune. Any musician will tell you he can't really play and the less said about his DJing the better. Tweet that!

AnonymousSeptember 10th 2010.

What's the big joke about Morecambe. It's fab. If you can find a better view than from the Midland Hotel bar and front facing bedrooms in the North West of England please tell. Where do you like then you cynics?

AnonymousSeptember 10th 2010.

Sleuth should get out more and talk to some British (born) Asians as we used to call then. They are just British now and find out how they are making out not not believed all he reads in the newspapers.

SleuthSeptember 10th 2010.

Ah yes Dibigo, but we're big fans of the odd typo - in fact we often laugh at ourselves over this. We're getting there but as yet we don't have a team of sub-editors. The content is always our fault or occasionally if you like what we do, to our credit. Anyway we've changed Stones to Stone - thanks for letting us know.

SleuthSeptember 10th 2010.

Oh and Dibigo, grammatical has two ms.

Jo NSeptember 11th 2010.

A NIMBY 'yes, please!' to the park! Please, pretty please, I'll cut the grass myself etc.

love vigilanteSeptember 11th 2010.

I've still got all my old Joy Division and New Order albums on vinyl. I've also got a Primal Scream CD. It makes a fine coaster.

Jenny KennedySeptember 11th 2010.

Good one Love Vigilante. Not thought about it that way. New Order are immeasurably more important in musical history than Primal Scream.

Freaky prancingSeptember 11th 2010.

Primal Scream are very dull compared to New Order it is true. More to the point Mani should never have tweeted like this. He should have thought twice.

James11364September 12th 2010.

Primal Scream New Order SO LAST CENTURY!

Oxford Urban DictionarySeptember 12th 2010.

Why are WaGs called WaGs and not WoGs? I guess this behaviour has been subconsciously accepted a long time ago...

AgricolaSeptember 13th 2010.

Eh. You fool. Guess why.

Freud''s right every timeSeptember 13th 2010.

Guess why what? Why it's a socially accepted AND and not OR? Probably 'cause footballers have no say whatsoever in the changing room and need to let their frustation out somewhere. Max Moseley on the other hand, who has everything to say 'in the changing room', seems bored by all his power and therefore prefers to get spanked...simples

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