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Sleuth 10/02/2012

Venus, Christopher Samba, Bes and Bez, Father Ted And The Inane Twitter Of The Week Award

Published on February 10th 2012.

Sleuth 10/02/2012

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
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Sleuth Spy Spots Crime Of The Century In Bolton

Sleuth's spy Rambo, serial tablecloth scrawler, was at Bob's Smithy Inn in Bolton over the weekend. In the loo she found the latter hastily written message. Sleuth can't believe that someone would stoop so low.

Naughty doings in toilet scandalNaughty doings in toilet scandal

Sleuth’s Most Important Research Project Ever – Yes Men And Women Are Different 

In the otherwise fine University of Manchester magazine titled UniLife there’s an article called ‘Men are from Mars and Women from Venus’. This reported on a study by Manchester Business School that involved 10,000 men and women and found, astonishingly, that men and women are different. Apparently ‘women show more warmth, sensitivity and apprehension whereas dominance, assertiveness and emotional stability are more typically male characteristics’. No shit, Sherlock.

Sleuth has an idea, maybe the next study might look into whether parents generally aren’t as up-to-date with music as their children, or perhaps whether hungry people want to eat food. 

Men And Women 005Men And Women

Sleuth thinks Manchester Confidential should sue Greater Manchester Police

A police bulletin came into the ManCon control centre yesterday. The headline read: ‘Man cons way into elderly woman’s home’. When Sleuth first read it he thought Confidential had a new writer and this organ of happiness you're reading was starting some weird form of advice column. 

Sleuth’s Bes/Bez Moment Of The Week On A Happy Monday

Sleuth was enjoying a fine time in Manchester Museum this week. He came upon this statue, shown below. Apparently the spelling of the name is the original form of Bez and the statue dates from the 1st Century AD, when Happy Mondays first formed.

The note below it reads: ‘Bes, portrayed as a grotesque dwarf, was a household diety in Egypt, and enjoyed widespread popular worship as the God of dancing, music and marriage’. How very appropriate thinks Sleuth. Still Sleuth is thankful that the modern day Bez has learnt to put some trousers on. 

Naked Bes - God of dancing and musicNaked Bes - God of dancing and music

Sleuth’s Rant Of The Week

This came from Tomegranate and referred to our picture of the architect Roger Stephenson carrying a ‘Chetham’s’ brick. The brick has been specially designed for the school he’s designed - click here. Tomegranate saw this and ranted how the picture reminded people of Father Jack’s love of his brick in the Father Ted TV series. Click here for the clip.

BrickmanHoly brick

Roger's brickRoger's brick

Sleuth’s Footballer Find Of The Week

This goes to Christopher Samba, the captain of Blackburn Rovers, who has recently stated he won’t play for the club because he thinks he’s better than them and he doesn’t like the place after being there for four years. He said: ‘Blackburn need players who are 100 per cent for the club — and I'm not’. Nice bit of captaincy that. Anyway Sleuth was in Leckenby’s on King Street West when he saw Samba popping into a nearby footballer fave restaurant. Why bother working hard, thinks Sleuth, to get your team away from relegation when you can swan into town instead for a jolly?

Valentine’s Night Pop-Up Restaurant At Black Lion

This is a clever idea and pleasant one. The Black Lion pub over the river on Chapel Street in the city centre is hosting a Valentine's night meal where customers pay exactly as much as they think the meal is worth. Any money raised will go to installing a stair-lift to the first floor function room cum theatre cum cinema. It's from 7.30pm and there's a £1 booking charge. Contact www.futureartists.co.uk

Sleuth’s Tour Of Manchester With Racoon

Sleuth went on the editor of Confidential’s tour of Manchester entitled ‘S**t Happens’ on Saturday. And it certainly did. The guests were bombarded by yoghurt from a flat, and by snowballs from ragamuffins in Piccadilly Garden where they also saw the world’s smallest snowman.

Most bizarre of all they saw a girl carrying a racoon in the Northern Quarter. Nearby was a man with a coati. There was no explanation for the exotic beasts aside from maybe a need to keep warm. The racoon looked like the best hot water bottle the girl could find. Very curious.

Racoon womanRacoon woman


Tiny snowmanTiny snowman

Historical inevitability of racoons in the Northern Quarter


After Sleuth’s brush with animals on Tib Street, architect and academic, Dominic Sagar, got in touch and sent him a story from the Manchester Guardian of June 1834. It described how complaints had been made about Italian boys with animals on Tib Street, the centre of the pet trade in the city then and for many years.

The boys were brought before the magistrates and 'six had monkeys round their necks, one had a racoon and another white mice'. They were discharged on a promise they left the town. Sleuth reckons there's nothing new under the sun, but he doubts whether its the same racoon, even though it's a well-known fact they can live for more than 150 years.

Sleuth's Inane Twitter Comment Of The Week

This came from a young lady who should know better and who knows who she is. It appeared on Thursday. It read, ‘I haven’t got any food, I’ll have to go to the shops’.

She can now join the ranks of the great thinkers of mankind such as Aristotle, Immanuel Kant and David Beckham.

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5 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

RicFebruary 10th 2012.

Stop nicking our rants.

Samantha HallwoodFebruary 10th 2012.

Atleast the girl was showing off her racoon and not her beaver!

CobbydalerFebruary 10th 2012.

That Bes looks a bit portly to me, not diety...

tomegranate with an 'E'February 10th 2012.

Woop, glad my wit was appreciated!

1 Response: Reply To This...
tomegranate with an 'A'February 10th 2012.

Or I should say with an 'A'. Massive fail.

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