Sleuth 4/3/13: Best Snails In NW, Pants, Vanity And The Rumour Mill Of Openings

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Bone Dust In The Ruins

Sleuth loved the launch of Manchester International Festival in the Upper Campfield Market on Thursday. Sleuth reckons its the strongest of the four festival line-ups to date. Of course there are some wonderfully off-beat notions which Sleuth always finds very diverting. Stravinsky's Rite of Spring being performed in the abandoned and decayed Mayfield Station by Russia's Perm Orchestra will be memorable. Not least because the work will be accompanied by 11 tons of animal bone dust dancing in the air. Sleuth's looking forward to this tremendously although he might be taking along his great uncle's old gas mask. 

There may be dust

Sleuth's Worst Bargain Of The Week

The retailer Dwell, in Manchester, really needs to re-read its promotions.

Dwell deal

Sleuth’s Favourite Restaurant Promotion

Mystery eaterie R House in the Northern Quarter on Hilton Street is at it again. This time a poster on the window is inviting people to ‘sprend’ Mothers Day there. The poster is next to a big silver 'artwork' of a naked woman. Ideal for your old mum.

The Frank Watch

The new DQ magazine is out from the business to business..er..business called Downtown run by Frank McKenna. Frank is a modest soul who every time his magazine comes out likes to hide from the limelight by filling the pages with images of himself. In the latest mag he's depicted 18 times on the 47 pages of the magazine. More confusingly the cover of DQ shouts the name of Tim Bacon, boss of Living Ventures, the restaurant group behind Australasia, Grill on the Alley, The Alchemist and so on. Looking at the cover Sleuth thinks Tim’s changed and somehow become more influential.

Are we sure that's Tim Bacon?

All Star Lanes, ruined by smelly pants. 

A member of the Confidential team was invited to check out the new Great Northern retro-themed bowling alley All Star Lanes ahead of the grand opening this Friday. She and her friends had some snacks and drinks at the bar, competed gleefully on the brand new lanes and danced around to Kings of Leon and Springsteen on the sound system. The fun was topped off with a meal in the 50s-style diner, which reminded her of Jack Rabbit Slims in Pulp Fiction. Looking around she noticed the kiss-curled restaurant team pointing and smiling at her, which she put down to her inherent attractiveness... until she realised that a pair of her undies had fallen out of her bag and were sprawled across the floor next to her table like a big, smelly Labrador. You win some you lose some.....

All Star

Vain Restaurateur: Jamie Oliver

OK, Sleuth acknowledges that Jamie probably knows nothing about the utterly vulgar sell-on bollocks in the corner of his gorgeous eponymous restaurant at the top of King Street. Sleuth reckons that it was down to the marketing bean counters bored out of their tiny skulls who decided that what the world is missing are Jamie branded umbrellas, Jamie branded teatowels, loads of books with Jamie grinning on the cover and giant anti-pasti 'planks' for £45. Mind you those pointless planks might have a use if one of those marketeers comes into range... 

Vulgar nonsense - it's Jamie

Sleuth's Rumour Mill

A rackshack of ribs for old Relish bar in the Great Northern complex, major Indian operator for the old Bar 38 opposite, top French deli to open on Bridge Street opened by established Manchester restaurant, Manchester House posh restaurant in Spinningfields to open in May, Hardman Square in Spinningfields due for an overhaul with boutique shopping chalets and a re-positioning of the screen, IKEA to confirm plans to move headquarters for the UK into the old Granada site in the next 12 months. Of course all this could be just a load of old Swedish horse meat balls. Or maybe not...

Sleuth's Mancmentator Illuminations

We put up this story this week, a puzzle picture, and the editor created a word 'mancniscience' meaning a person who has a comprehensive knowledge of the city. Other people joined in on Twitter with @Sue Langford coming up with 'mancnifique' meaning the view across Ancoats at dawn, and @SteveMurray came up with 'manchiavellian' describing the destruction of Library Walk. Then there's 'mancnaminous' which describes a Mancunian saying, "No, really, I love Liverpool and if I had to live somewhere else it would definitely be there." That could also be 'mancdescending'. 

Sleuth's Snails

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street by policemen, firemen, concierges, Tim Bacon pretending to be David Cameron, underwear on the floor, rumour-mongers, old bone marrow and the complete cast of Branagh's Macbeth, and asked "Where can we find the best snails in Manchester?" 

"Why," says Sleuth, "that would be at 63 Degrees, the truly excellent French restaurant on Church Street in the Northern Quarter. They're not only the best snails in Manchester but also the only ones."

And to prove the story he showed this picture to the policemen, firemen, concierges, Tim Bacon pretending to be David Cameron, underwear on the floor, rumour-mongers and old bone marrow, the complete cast of Branagh's Macbeth. Sadly there's a limit to how attractive snails out of their shells look.

Snails at 63 Degrees