Welcome to Manchester Confidential
Reset Password
The Confidential websites will be undergoing routine updates. This may cause the sites to go offline. We apologise in advance for any inconvenience.

You are here: Manchester ConfidentialSleuth.

Sleuth 09/12/2011

Polenta Revelation At Livebait, Meryl Streep, And the Panther Strikes Manchester

Published on December 9th 2011.

Sleuth 09/12/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
 Follow Sleuth on twitter @Sleuth

Sleuth's Liverpool City Moment

Sleuth was in Liverpool in the Hilton Hotel a couple weekends ago. Manchester City had stayed there before their game with Liverpool FC. In the morning after it quickly became apparent that Mario Balotelli had completely failed to burn down the hotel, City manager Mancini did a remarkable thing. He took the whole team out for a walk - see below. Sleuth was with some Norwegian tourists: "There goes half a billion pounds of male meat," he said, as some young men in blue tracksuits, and a talent with a spherical object, receded into the distance. Apparently Mancini does the same thing when the team stay in Manchester's Hilton prior to a game. Civilised man that Italian chap. Makes sure his players get out of their rooms and off their PlayStations and experience something of the cities they visit. Nice one.

Oxford Road And Liverpool 092

Right Up Her Streep 

Meryl Streep managed to gate-crash a wedding in Manchester Town Hall whilst filming scenes for her new film 'The Iron Lady'. Oscar-winner Streep, who was playing the role of Margaret Thatcher, surprised newlyweds Freya and Graham McAnally who were getting married in the Town Hall. Freya M said: 'It was surreal - Meryl Streep was standing there dressed as Margaret Thatcher. The last thing you expect is an A-List celebrity at your wedding.' Or even thinks Sleuth, a Conservative in Manchester Town Hall.

Fishy Surprise At Livebait 

Sleuth popped into Livebait on Lloyd Street for the first time in ages on Wednesday. He met Richard Muir the new owner, and his chef David Spanner. Before refurbishing the place in the new year they're already transforming the quality of what was previously dull food. The menu is unchanged to read but Spanner has completely varied the way it's cooked. The red mullet dish shown at the top of this page was simply magnificent. For once a Spanner in the works is a good thing.

Spanner In Sleuth's Works

Spanner at Livebait has also achieved the impossible. Sleuth hates polenta as much as he does mayonnaise. Polenta is the polyfilla of the food world, a waste of taste space. But Spanner by some weird magic involving butter and milk has made a polenta cake which is divine - with a divine sauce. Here it is with some cod. Sleuth likes it very much. He's become a relenta over polenta.

Polenta And Playdoh 018

Sleuth's Mis-timed Press Release Of The Week

On Thursday Sleuth got a press release titled 'Trafford confirmed as a top class tourist destination'. Part of the release referred to the 'world famous Old Trafford Football Club'. Sleuth thinks this was a reference to MUFC rather than something called OTFC. In which case it was a shame that Thursday was the day after United had been knocked out of the Champions League. In one fell swoop Trafford's 2012 tourism potential took a hit.

Sleuth Pompousness Of The Week

Sleuth likes to be pompous. He was telling two younger members of staff on Confidential not to use clichés such as ‘life’s rich tapestry’ – a sentence which one of them had used - but to think of other ways of expressing ideas. Young Alex decided to jump on a web thesaurus and look up alternatives. He came up with ‘life’s marvellous throw-rug’. Sleuth liked that and as he walked across town later contemplated the marvellous throw-rug of life pulsating on Deansgate.

Sleuth Meets Jeremy Clarkson In Christmas Markets

Sleuth had a chat in Albert Square with Jeremy Clarkson or at least someone who looked a bit like him. The Clarkson-ish man  exclaimed "Every bauble in the Albert Square markets should be taken out and shot in front of their families". A representative of Save The Baubles was immediately contacted so she could be outraged. "It's deeply horrible that this awful man should pick on things less fortunate than him especially at this time of year," she said. The BBC is due to close down next week because of the incident. No baubles were injured, but their pride was hurt during this incident.

Sleuth Goes AWOL

Sleuth visited AWOL Studies in Ancoats on Friday for an open day. A splendid place full of excitement, shiny things and atmosphere. The studios sit in a mill of 1824 and fill it beautifully. Sleuth particularly loved the neon coffin by Michael Trainor shown here - Trainor is the current holder of the best moustache in Manchester award. Sarah Greaves' embroidered graffiti work was fun too, such as her vandalised toaster.


Awol 023

Awol 022

Awol 042


The Panther And The Call Centre

Sleuth's main absurd correspondent Mark 'The Swan' Jorgensen sent Sleuth his exchange with a call centre from his blog here

"Hello Mr Jorgensen, its Jenny from Barclays Premier. Are you free to speak?"

"Briefly Jenny."

"Ok fantastic, thank you. Before we start I’d like to ask if it would it be ok if I call you Mark?"

"No, I don’t think so."



"Ok then, Mr Jorgensen."

"I don’t want you to call me that either."

"Erm, Ok. What would you prefer?"

"The Panther."

"The…The Panther?"

"Yes, that’s right, The Panther."

"Erm, I’m not really sure if…"

"Everyone calls me The Panther Jenny, and I would ask you to extend me the same courtesy."

"Oh, ok, panther would it…"

"Sorry Jenny, it’s ‘THE Panther’, if you don’t mind."

"Oh, sorry, The Panther."

"Sorry this was terribly rude of me. Is it ok for The Panther to call you Jenny?"

"Yes, thats fine The Panther, thank you for asking."

"Courtesy is a two way street isn’t it Jenny?"

"Very true The Panther. Are you available to speak to me about upgrading the account level we currently hold for you at Barclays?"

"No Jenny, I’m afraid The Panther is busy."

"Is there a better time for me to speak to The Panther today?"

"Probably not Jenny, I’m going to be tied up all day with meetings and searching for a wounded gazelle I can smell  in the distance. I’ve been trailing it for a few days now."

"Oh, ok The Panther. Perhaps I can try again next week?"

"Is that a philosophical quandary or a request, Jenny?"

"I suppose it’s a request, The Panther."

"I see,  appreciate your frankness. Yes that’ll be fine Jenny. Have a great day."

"You too The Panther, thank you for your time."


Like what you see? Enter your email to sign up for our newsletters which are chock-a-block with more great reviews, news, deals and savings.

8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Kevin PeelDecember 9th 2011.

AWOL looks great, where is it?

1 Response: Reply To This...
tblzebraDecember 9th 2011.

Google AWOL Ancoats Mr Peel; you'll receive a far faster response than posting the question on here. It's even the top result.

AnonymousDecember 9th 2011.

That could looks undercooked.

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousDecember 9th 2011.

Damn autopspell - that COD looks undercooked.

AnonymousDecember 9th 2011.

Kevin, type A..W..O..L.. into Google, followed by A...N...C...O...A...T...S. Then click on the find symbol. Voila. Quicker than posting on here.

SleuthDecember 9th 2011.

Tblzebra. That's a bit sparky. Sometimes we're so slow we're the first to bring news to people.

tblzebraDecember 9th 2011.

It's not, why can't he Google like everyone else does, rather than filling up the rants with inane questions?

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousDecember 9th 2011.

PS I didn't mean you're slow replying on here Sleuth, although I see how it can read like that.

I know you're like greased lightning, especially when you borrow that contraption JS has between his legs on Twitter.

To post this comment, you need to login.Please complete your login information.
Or you can login using Facebook.

Latest Rants


Looks like Daisy Mill in Longsight is for the chop too. This time MCC own the building and are…

 Read more

The initial plan, by all concerned, was always to save & redevelop Ancoats Dispensary though wasn't…

 Read more

That's perfectly true, but for various reasons not relevant to the original point. I'm happy to…

 Read more

I'll try again..of course it won't, it's not listed so it will go. The fact that it is elegant,…

 Read more

Explore The Site

© Mark Garner t/a Confidential Direct 2021

Privacy | Careers | Website by: Planet Code | SEO by The eWord