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Sleuth 08/08/2008

Meat stories, Howard Bernstein downsizes (perhaps), bells, Tesco madness and green silliness

Published on August 8th 2008.

Sleuth 08/08/2008

Chief executive moves to the hills
Sleuth went to Glossop this week. Imagine his surprise when he saw this office next to the town's cute station. Sleuth reckons we all get tired at some point, especially when we have a high-pressure job. And being the chief executive of a major city must be exhausting. No wonder then that Howard Bernstein has downsized, taken a legal practice in a small town and given back his knighthood. Or maybe Sleuth's leaping to conclusions.

Pig falls asleep on man
Sleuth was in Glossop visiting an abattoir. He wanted to see the whole process that leads to the meat on his plate. He wasn't visiting just any old slaughterhouse either but the one that belongs to the award-winning family butcher, Mettricks. John Mettrick, the boss, was explaining things in his charming manner when this man walked by (see picture below) with his pig. "That," said MEN journalist Neil Sowerby, who'd also come along, "is a classic piggy-back." Sleuth agreed. You couldn't get a finer example. It was a masterpiece of piggy-back excellence.

Sleuth's Best Geographical Coincidence of the week
Mettricks' abattoir is just up the road from a gym called Bodycheck. Fit bodies and dead bodies cheek by jowl so to speak.

Eccentricity enhanced
Sleuth hears that things are going to get odder in Manchester. Or maybe Oddest. The lovely Clio Farman has decided that just having Odd Bar in the Northern Quarter and Odder on Oxford Road isn't enough. So the tatty Polar Bar in Chorlton has been acquired and is to be given a dose of peculiarity. It will become logically Oddest. Sleuth thinks that given this is the superlative of the word then Clio's going have to go crazy with the design.

Hard-nosed business men
Email bulletin battles have broken out between business magazine rivals Crain's and Insider. A source close to the murky world of business publishing told Sleuth that Crain's had decided to bring its 3pm daily email newsletter forward to 12pm following Insider's decision to introduce a daily lunchtime news service recently. Crain's may have been upset that stories appearing on the newspaper's website in the morning were also on the Insider's lunchtime bulletin, meaning they may have been old news by 3pm. Sleuth can't help but notice that Crain's seemed to reduce its morning news postings just as Insider started sending out slightly thinner emails, but is sure the two are purely coincidental. Crain's now presses its send button at noon, the same time as Insider, rather than late afternoon. It's dog eat dog in that business world, but there's nothing like a bit of healthy competition.

Near, far, wherever you...
Sleuth went up the Town Hall tower the other day. He learnt that the bells can be controlled, like a pianola, by punched music scores. Apparently there’s a Southport company that still produces these. Sleuth thinks we should get some modern Manchester music together for special occasions. We could have had ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ or ‘Temptation’ ringing out during the recent commemoration of Tony Wilson. Couples getting married in the Town Hall could pay extra and have their fave song played by the bells as they leave the building. No, thinks Sleuth, stupid idea. Who'd want ‘My heart will go on’, 'Lady in red' or 'Love is all around' ringing out across the city?

Rings a bell
Speaking of bells, Sleuth's found in the la-la land of the world web wide a group of eccentrics who have recorded the Town Hall bells. They're said to produce some of the purest sounds in the UK – click on this link for a listen.

Sleuth’s environmental bollocks of the week
The Nantwich Food and Drink Festival (26-28 September) is having an event called Low Emission Menus. Sleuth says, for f**k's sake. Chefs are being asked to produce menus from ingredients which have travelled short distances. Meanwhile the organisers will be encouraging shoppers and traders to 'embrace eco packaging initiatives'. Oh for f**k sake, again. How exactly will they be encouraging shoppers? With locally sourced bull whips and cattle prods reared in an organic, free-range, carbon neutral environment?

Spoilt for no choice
Sleuth loves this from Tesco about the company winning permission to build a Tesco Express in Chorlton. A spokesman said: "A new Tesco Express will significantly enhance the range and choice within the local area." How exactly? By offering Chorlton those niche, hard-to-get products such as Warburtons bread, Coca Cola and Kellogg's Corn Flakes?

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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

superdog500August 8th 2008.

re. the pig story. are you crack(l)ing other people's jokes now?

HowardAugust 8th 2008.

"Low emission menus" eh? That'd be no beans then would it, locally sourced or otherwise?

James PAugust 8th 2008.

Thank you Manchester Confidential. My life is complete. The bells, the bells. I'm a lawyer and now every time I hear those bells from the Town Hall on Sleuth here I will find peace and relaxation. Ding dong merrily on high as you might say.

scoteeeAugust 8th 2008.

Shinawatra bad man!!!......see link.......www.hrw.org/…/thaila16544.htm…

Red FanAugust 8th 2008.

My boss told me Steve has left Sams chop house , and sold it to that guy who owns Man City . That cannot be true !

AnonymousAugust 8th 2008.

After the dreadful lunch we had recently at Polar Bar in Chorlton, I am delighted it has been "aquired". The cleanliness of the place was very questionable too.

GruntAugust 8th 2008.

I'm a pig, and I resent my friends limp bodies being carted around like this and then used as lame jokes by websites. It makes me grunt. Alright I had a little smile on my snout but still....

QuasimodoAugust 8th 2008.

I agree with the comment above

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