Sleuth 08/04/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Chorlton:Heston
Our Chorlton:Heston April Fools’ (click here) story last week went down a storm. Sleuth was buying some bead necklaces on Beech Road on the Saturday after when he was approached by Badly Drawn Boy who said: “Congratulations. I’ve twittered it to all my friends. The menu was hilarious.” Then he was approached by Stephen Fretwell who said, “Loved the April Fool's story. Brilliant.” Sleuth looked in the mirror and said: “That was the best April Fools’ in the country.” He patted himself on the back.

Sleuth’s artistic firemen of the week
Here are a pair of firemen with an easel after a call-out to Spinningfields. On the left is Leonardo Da Hose and on the right Tracy Emingency callout.

Sleuth’s indignant reader of the week
Our fabulous writer Laura Marsden wrote a piece about having a coil fitted. Then we sent the article out on one of our newsletters. This was one ranters response: NICKI99 ‘Thanks Confidential! How stupid to send an email with contraceptives in the title, think on where your readers may possibly be at 12pm on a Monday. Work perhaps? Doing a presentation and up it pops in the bottom right hand corner labelled Manchester Confidential - Contraceptives. I'm unsubscribing..’ To which ANON TOO replied, ‘Hmm. Perhaps closing down your emails and alerts while giving a presentation is a good idea?’

Sleuth’s surprise gypsy picture of the week

NHS travellers spotted in Belle Vue.

United banner boast gaffe
Sleuth was watching United win at Chelsea in the Champions' League on Wednesday evening when his attention was drawn to this banner paraded by United fans. Not only 'seperated' [sic] by success, but education also...(as a City fan remarked to Sleuth).

Sleuth’s effective 100% sure diet plan
Sleuth had a bet with Lynda Moyo, Health and Beauty editor at Confidential, that he could pioneer a new diet plan, whereby he didn’t change his lifestyle, didn’t do any more exercise, and still lost 10lbs in a month. Moyo and the office laughed at him. Sleuth did it in less than a week. He got gastro-enteritis and didn’t eat for four days. Not quite want he intended but effective. He’s writing a book: The D.E. Plan Diet. Dramatic Evacuation.

Sleuth’s best funeral line of the week
This was during the funeral of five times married Bob Greaves, the well-known Granada anchorman. In a moving ceremony, Greaves’ son Chris, lightened the mood with this line. "To some of you Bob was a friend, to many a colleague, to us a family, but to most of you he was a husband."

Sleuth’s pithy headline of the week
Sleuth was getting confused over this headline: was it the full story? Or a downloaded Tweet?

Sleuth’s crazy van men picture of the week
Sleuth was tweeted this picture. It shows some workmen, some bollards and a van. Sleuth can’t work out what’s wrong with the picture. Can you?

Follow Sleuth on twitter Sleuth