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Sleuth 08/02/2008

The Super-brothel, MEN redesign, speed dating and endless Afflecks

Published on February 8th 2008.


Sleuth 08/02/2008

Super-brothel
Sleuth hears of a new government scheme for East Manchester: a Super-brothel. This follows the rejection of the Super-casino plan because ‘there might be better ways to regenerate the area’. A grubbyment spokesman told Sleuth. “A Super-casino was wrong because it would encourage poor people to gamble - unlike the other sixteen large regional casinos which were proposed at the same time and are still going ahead. Or even the internet with its unrestricted and unregulated access to gambling.” So what would the Super-brothel bring? “It would provide a safe regulated environment,” said Jeffrey Archer, “and it would be taxable, boost tourism and add jobs…er…which is of course different from the idea behind the Super-casino in no way whatsoever. Still inconsistency works for us.” The Super-brothel scheme will be rejected later in the year when Gordon Brown gets to hear about it.

MEN make massive leap forward
Back to reality and Sleuth had the publisher, Mark Garner, excitedly breathing down his neck this Wednesday. “I’m going to ring the MEN,” he said. “Didn’t think the last re-design worked, but this one looks great.” Sleuth has to agree. As our picture shows, the new design shows gravitas, distinction and allows the writers room to get to grips with a story.

Last Straw“Evils of teenage girls drinking…” proclaimed an article in the MEN in the revamped Wednesday edition. Sleuth then read the story in Confidential’s 250 section today. ‘Jack Straw has admitted he was an underage drinker. The justice secretary spoke about cracking down on teenage binge drinking this week. Mr Straw commented that it is easier for teenagers to purchase alcohol but that the government is continuing to strive to tackle the problem.’ Of course the story in the Evening News was put up in 1958. There really is nothing new under the sun is there?

Grapes on wheels
Sleuth was passing by Grado, Manchester’s smart new Spanish-ish restaurant, under City Tower in Piccadilly last Friday. Amongst the fitted suits and designer skirts he spotted Manchester’s most famous bike courier at the tapas bar. This was, of course, Matt the Bike, who's been doing his job since the first bicycle was invented in 1861. So long in fact that he's forgotten his surname. Matt was flamboyantly dressed, putting the rest of the folk to shame, in old fashioned shorts with pockets and a floppy carefree shirt as though he'd just got off a bike, which he had. Sleuth approved: about time a smart venue got it right with dress-code.

The speediest speed dating ever
Nexus, Confidential’s new favourite café on Dale Street, is hosting a speed-dating event on Valentine’s Day. This takes place at lunchtime. For thrills it probably beats a sandwich at the computer. Nexus is volunteer run by the Methodists in the basement of Central Hall, so they offer other services too. ‘We have a Reverend on demand’, their press release states. Sleuth reckons this could be the perfect event for those who want to re-define the notion of a whirlwind romance.

Love is in the er…
‘There's blood on your legs. I love you.’ Possibly one of Sleuth's favourite lines penned by Johnny Bramwell from I am Kloot. Confidential will be running a competition next week asking readers for their favourite Manchester love songs from I’m Not in Love to Patience via There is a Light. Kloot, by the way are doing a Valentine's gig next Thursday at Night & Day on Oldham Street – check out www.ilovekloot.com for free tickets.

Pie Factory
SONS Music (Sons of North Staffordshire – yes really), the record company in Stoke, love to compare themselves to Manchester’s Factory Music. The owner knew the great AHW and Factory is their model. To showcase the talents on offer in Stoke they hired the huge Victoria Hall last weekend and invited up, at considerable cost, Steve Lamacq, Phil Jupitus and sundry luminaries. Just about half of nobody turned up. This was exactly how the Hacienda started back in 82. SONS might be taking that link with Factory too far. As a SONS representative mournfully commented, “Stoke people aren’t famous for music, although we do, officially, eat more pies than any other UK town or city.”

Son of Afflecks
Sleuth welcomed the survival of Afflecks Palace: it gives joy to youth and gives a leg-up to new business. Turns out though that the transfer of the day to day running to property developers Bruntwood, wasn’t as simple as first seemed. Elaine Walsh, who’s looked after the place for the last 26 years, has kept the rights to the name. So instead of no Afflecks Palace at all, we might get two. Or fifteen.

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36 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

To recapFebruary 8th 2008.

That's because it's been edited (the picture) and so doesn't make sense any more.

LilyFebruary 8th 2008.

Can we give the MEN bashing a rest now please? Getting vair tedious. I don't read snidey comments in the MEN regarding ManCon, maybe I've missed them? Time to take off the short trousers boys, and join the grown ups.

MancunianFebruary 8th 2008.

Just to let you know I think your article about the MEN revamp was in appalling taste. In a week where Manchester remembered the loss of the Babes in such a dignified way you should know better. There is nothing amusing in this article - its just a very very poor piece of journalism.

BowksFebruary 8th 2008.

Is it not about time that the habitual mourning of the Munich air disaster is put to the back of people's memories. Whilst I understand that at the time this was a tragic incident and respect the fact that there will be families who will have lost loved ones to this awful chain of events, it is not an isolated incident. There have been numerous plane crashes in years gone in whcih the victims families have received little or no remorse from the general public. Does this indicate that Manchester United have used this situation to create a sense of nostalgia and history around the club? I shall let you decide that for yourselves. Is it not high time that people allowed the families of the berieved to go about their daly lives without the yearly reminder of what was clearly a tragic incident, one which a member of the public would wish to forget as soon as possible, let alone 50 years on.

rogerFebruary 8th 2008.

agree with Bowks, 1 billion people have died in the last 50 years. Many tragically.

PaulFebruary 8th 2008.

Can i just defend sleuth on the cheap shot at the MEN despite it being a Munich commemorative issue. You question Sleuth's journalistic abilities. If Sleuth had journalistic abilities he wouldn't be writing on this website, so pipe down. Treat like with like. It's meant to be irreverent, gifted amateurism which Sleuth does incredibly well. I bet the poor guy or girl hasn't even trained as a journalist for god's sake. Keep up the good (bad) work, as it were.

David BrentFebruary 8th 2008.

I think everyone needs to chill out yeah.

AnonymousFebruary 8th 2008.

"We're male?" Just who is "mancunian?"

StephFebruary 8th 2008.

I'm probably getting carried away, probably need to get a life, but Not a Manc writes: 'Sleuth is so lacking in judgement, it's unbelievable Anyone with half a brain knows that any mention of the Munich air disaster brings all kinds of emotions bubbling up amongst people'. Two things, there is no mention of Munich in the original silly snippet of the article and good God, in the 21st century everything should be up for debate and discussion, that is a problem, we can't talk directly about religion, ethnicity and now you're saying sporting tragedies as well. Nothing is too sensitive for rational discussion.

SupersupersleuthFebruary 8th 2008.

If you refer to the editor of the website then let me defend him as I know the circumstances - and he's not always Sleuth by the way. He chose to leave the Manchester Evening News when he was a freelance writer. There was no sacking because he wasn't an employee. And importantly he went to them and told them he was coming to this site. So Supersleuth that makes you a bit of a tit. The bigger question is why it matters so much if Manchester Confidential takes the piss out of the MEN? It would be great if the latter reacted - why don't they? Private Eye, Have I Got News For You and other organs do it all the time nationally with all sorts of media, problem is there is bugger all else to take the piss out of except the Guardian Media Group in Manchester. And occasionally it's very funny. Hey Supersleuth I have it on good authority that I know nothing about you, but did you ever get sacked by Manchester Confidential?

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

I'm Mancunian and sorry but I kinda agree with Bowks on this. It's all more or less a football thing rather than Manchester's cultural identity. oh and I do believe Lily is referring the *story*, the one with lots of words that mentions a redesign of the MEN and pokes some fun at them. You'd know that if you'd actually read this page rather than just looked at a picture and spewed out some rubbish about something that's completely irrelevant to the article. I don't think she really cares what your saying I know I don't. Please engage your brain before replying

mancunianFebruary 8th 2008.

Bowks: Your coments on Munich are crass and uneducated. You clearly do not understand what Munich means to primarily United people but also Mancunians and wider football people. Obviously the crash is not an isolated incident but there has not been another event our City has experienced to compare with this. Amongst others there were 8 young men lost their lives who were part of one of the worlds best football teams and they were representing our City. They were a massive part of peoples lives In Manchester in 58 and they brought immense joy and pride to Mancunians and they would have gone on to do this for another 10 years. They helped make our City what it is. Their legacy is passed on to our subsequent generations and we understand this. You need understand this to before you express your insensitive opinions. I was privaledged to be at the memorial service on Wed and sat next to one of the survivors and his family. He did not look to me as though he wanted to be left to grieve for his friends alone as you suggest. Nor did any of the families of the berieved I saw. Infact the opposite is true. They drew comfort and support from the fact that 50 years on people still remember their relatives and friends and commemorate them in such a dignified and respectfull manner. Two and a half thousand members of the public stood outside on the forecourt also chose not to be alone at 3.04. Bowks you are clearly not a United fan and probably not a Mancunian so I would suggest you do not comment on something you obviously do not understand.

KarenFebruary 8th 2008.

Jinkies you really have ruined your arguments

AnonymousFebruary 8th 2008.

ManCon, I trust you'll be deleting the above post (and presumably the poster's account), as it clearly represents the abhorrent witterings of a repulsive, embittered halfwit, not to mention being utterly irrelevant on almost every level.

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

They're mental.

SuperSleuthFebruary 8th 2008.

Superslueth has it on good authority that the writer of Sleuth was sacked by the men hence the bitter remarks my friends. Either that or he's a Blue ;-)

UnsubscribedFebruary 8th 2008.

Comments regarding MEN revamp are inconsiderate and unacceptable. Having cheap laugh at the loss of 28 lives... I hope you are proud of your abilities as a journalist.

StephFebruary 8th 2008.

I was in a bit of a passion then so I apologise for the typos.

not a manc, but I get it....February 8th 2008.

Sleuth is so lacking in judgement, it's unbelievable. Anyone with half a brain knows that any mention of the Munich air disaster brings all kinds of emotions bubbling up amongst people. Anything at all to do with Munich has to be so carefully handled - its exactly the same as the Moors Murders. No-one will tolerate any ****ing about with it by anyone. Absolutely understandably. Munich is part of the collective memory of the city. I have no personal experience of the Busby Babes but I do remember, vividly, my Liverpool docker father, a huge Evertonian, telling me what a fantastic team the Babes were and that Duncan Edwards was the finest player he had ever seen or was ever likely to see. And he really used to mourn every time there was an anniversary of the crash - even though he lived in Liverpool and didn't even support United. There was fellow feeling there - he understood how the people of Manchester felt at the loss of such youth and such talent. It gave me shivers as a kid - it still does. And it makes me realise how unifying and how important and part of the fabric of life in the city such things become. Its in the DNA of Manchester now, father to son, mother to daughter, across the gender gap and across football. It's much more important than football (to misquote Shankly). It is about the essence of the city. I suspect, amazingly, that Tony Wilson will become part of that same DNA at some point in the future. You cross the line and **** about with such powerful emotions at your peril. I hope the ****wit sleuth has learnt his lesson - I suspect he hasn't. He doesn't even understand the city he works in - toss-pot. He should go away, hang his head in shame and grow up.

mancunianFebruary 8th 2008.

Lily: No one is having a pop at the MEN over Munich. They have covered the issue very well. Perhaps you need to need to digest the comments a little more thoroughly before you start making your snidey comments. If you find it tedious - log off - simple. ps what makes you assume we're male ? - somewhat sexist eh.

mancunianFebruary 8th 2008.

Bowks: Your coments on Munich are crass and uneducated. You clearly do not understand what Munich means to primarily United people but also Mancunians and wider football people. Obviously the crash is not an isolated incident but there has not been another event our City has experienced to compare with this. Amongst others there were 8 young men lost their lives who were part of one of the worlds best football teams and they were representing our City. They were a massive part of peoples lives In Manchester in 58 and they brought immense joy and pride to Mancunians and they would have gone on to do this for another 10 years. They helped make our City what it is. Their legacy is passed on to our subsequent generations and we understand this. You need understand this to before you express your insensitive opinions. I was privaledged to be at the memorial service on Wed and sat next to one of the survivors and his family. He did not look to me as though he wanted to be left to grieve for his friends alone as you suggest. Nor did any of the families of the berieved I saw. Infact the opposite is true. They drew comfort and support from the fact that 50 years on people still remember their relatives and friends and commemorate them in such a dignified and respectfull manner. Two and a half thousand members of the public stood outside on the forecourt also chose not to be alone at 3.04. Bowks you are clearly not a United fan and probably not a Mancunian so I would suggest you do not comment on something you obviously do not understand.

JimFebruary 8th 2008.

Jinkies, you were doing well until that last comment which is beneath you. I am a United fan and live in Old Trafford. I have a very close friend who is a Liverpool fan who lives in Torquay and I know of a group of ex-pat Londoners who have a Crystal Palace supporters club in Manchester, whilst I have a Russian acquaintance who is mad for United like me. Jinkies if you do favour a team I rather hope after your comment that you live round the corner from your club and go to games in a scarf wielding a rattle. Otherwise dear sir or madam you've been hoist by your own petard.

UnsubscribedFebruary 8th 2008.

Re: My previous comment... Manchester Confidential have now changed the photo so it doesn't make sense anymore.

Seen the light (red)February 8th 2008.

Super Brothel? wheres this story come from? Its obviously a load of eyewash. As if the people of east manchester would put up with that! laughable, it wouldnt create jobs for toothless irish simpleton mancs anyway round there as they dont want to work, so it'd be full of slutty eastern european whores who think they are too good to work in our factories cleaning etc! Money is all they dream about, so much so they invent children and get child benefit sent back home. Its Common knowledge.

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

Yeah but that's because most of Manchester United's supports don't actually live in Manchester aint it ;)

JimFebruary 8th 2008.

Can we stop talking about Afflecks now? I feel that I've been part of the best reverse advertising campaign ever. I dream about the place now and wake up covered in sweat and weird Goth white face paint. In a coffin.

StephFebruary 8th 2008.

With all the hullabaloo here I read that passage about the 'MEN makes leap forward' again. And it not only doesn't mention Munich but it also implies that back then the MEN treated the story with 'gravitas' because they had time and space to do so rather than we sensationalist. The problem is today that it's all emotion not rationality. Yea it was a tragedy but some people on here seem to feel it more than they might do a deceased relative. Are we saying that events like this thoruhg the media gain more weight than something close to us we have suffered? Read the thing properly. And Unsubscribed and Not a Manc to be adult is to be in control of your emotions most of the time to be not in control of them is to be a child so why don't you grow up.

StephFebruary 8th 2008.

Therapist, yea be in touch with your emotions not ruled by them. Big difference. The point still holds. Lots of Wednesdays's behaviour was borrowed through the filter of TV, learnt rather than natural. Of course there were those who remembered the time and had lived through it and relatives and so on, and that was genuine and moving, but much of the emotion was strange. It would also, I think, have appeared strange to the public and players of 1957, those, honest, direct, pre-TV boys looked like they knew what was what.

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

I'm confused, Unsubscribed did you actually read this story before posting?

PhilFebruary 8th 2008.

Folks just read this and Munich is not mentioned at all in the article. So why are you folks?

JinkiesFebruary 8th 2008.

Oh and regards Afflecks, my bet's on her licensing the name to whoever takes over, charging absolute fortunes for it and living happily ever after because no-one would dare change the name. What else could you call it though, Hippyland, Gothicity?

SarahFebruary 8th 2008.

I'm not sure Manchester Confidential want to grow up. I rather hope they don't.

MMAFebruary 8th 2008.

That Super-brothel thing is in poor taste too. But it's funny....I don't think the MEN thing is attacking the Busby Babes is it? What time does the speed dating start as well?

THERAPISTFebruary 8th 2008.

I think Steph could do with some help if she thinks that to be in touch with your emotions makes you childish. Rather, it is the sign of a fully functioning human being.

mancunianFebruary 8th 2008.

Jinkies: Take your point about the Lily comments - I read that wrong. I have now re-engaged my brain & apologies to Lily. With regard to the other issue you're way off the mark I'm afraid. If football is not a part of Manchesters cultural identity I dont know what is. Its poart of what makes this City tick. It sets us apart for other blander places. Its integral. Go abroad and speak to people and what do people instantly identify with our City - football - and (no disrespect to the blues) but its primarily United. Why was Bobby Charlton chosen to be our Citys ambassador when we were bidding for the Olympics & Commonwealth Games. Football is umbilically linked to our Mancunian cultural identity. With specific regard to Munich I suggest you speak to people who were around at the time - it effected nearly everyone in Manchester not just football people. But whether its a football thing or not people should have more respect than to criticise how other people choose to pay their respects to the dead. Now lets leave it eh.

Not a Scouser...February 8th 2008.

Hey, fantastically well said: "not a manc, but I get it...."

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