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Sleuth 08/07/2011

Dirtiest family in Manc, Bjork, The Cicchettis, Aiden Bryne's new restaurant, Smudge Jones in toilets

Published on July 8th 2011.

Sleuth 08/07/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
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Sleuth’s mysterious case of the Piccolino names

Sleuth asked the teen placement, Adele, to ring a key operator in the city centre for this story on parking. "Get the surname of the manager of Piccolino, I've forgotten it,"said Sleuth. “The full name is Ettore Cicchetti,” said Adele after making the call. Sleuth rang Piccolino again bewildered. “Yes, just like the new Cicchetti restaurant, in fact they asked Ettore to run it when they opened,” the charming staff member said. If Ettore had accepted that would have been Cicchetti of Cicchetti. Sleuth wonders if the names of other staff at Piccolino goes as follows: waiters, Giovanni Gusto, Paolo Rosso, Adriana Croma, Dino Bella Pasta; chefs Fabiano Rustica and Gino Pesto, with front of house Allegra Pizza Express and Sofia San Carlo.

Confidential and MEN have a josh together

When Confidential put up its news in brief section (City news in 250 words) on Thursday, the MEN newdesk (@mennewsdesk) asked pleasantly on Twitter why the picture of the tram we'd used looked strangely similar to their picture. Had we perhaps borrowed it? We made sure there was no such accidental 'borrowing' and then sent them back the image at the top of this page captioned, 'Is this the picture you mean?' (http://twitpic.com/5mg10y) The MEN Newsdesk and Confidential proceeded to have a very pleasant exchange on Twitter. All sweetness and light. So nice to see in these days of newspapers accusing each other of all sorts that Manchester's media can still have a bit of fun together. 

Sleuth chases the dragon

The picture below shows a big hole in Market Street down which Sleuth nearly fell down. Turns out this was a promo for The Carphone Warehouse’s LG Optimus 3D - maybe some form of Transformer wonders Sleuth. Further up the street and turning right Sleuth fell down a big hole in Brown Street which turned out to be caused not by a descent into the Apocalypse but some missing cobbles.

Sleuth Image

Sleuth and Aiden Byrne’s new restaurant

Sleuth learns that well-known chef Aiden Byrne, chef proprietor of the Church Green in Lymm, Cheshire, and the Collingwood in West Kirby, is to launch a third restaurant in the North West. It’s going to be the Aiden Byrne British Grill at the Macdonald Hotel at Craxton Wood near Chester. Byrne is well-known for at one time being the youngest British chef to achieve a Michelin star. He was seven, although Sleuth may have misheard that last fact. Anyway the editor, Schofield, first reviewed the Church Green a couple of years back for Confidential. He noted that amongst the decent food, the place had been turned into a shrine to Byrne with his picture everywhere. Good to see with the name of the new place in Chester that that type of egotism has disappeared.  

Sleuth’s Dirtiest Family of the Week

Sleuth received these phone pictures on Monday morning. “Wow,” said Sleuth, “that must be the dirtiest family in the city, but you have to admire the size of their picnics.” “Eh,” said Sleuth’s correspondent, “that’s rubbish left the morning after the Beech Road Festival not their picnic.”

Because of litter and rowdiness, some people who like it ‘Oh so quiet’ have called for the Festival to be banned. Sleuth has an idea. Make the whole thing an acoustic celebration. Calm it down. This worked in an Old Trafford festival a couple of years ago. It even got the old ladies coming back happy that their ears weren't going to be ripped off their heads by drum'n'bass or indie chaos. Community festivals like this should be for everybody, no matter how big the picnic. 


Sleuth’s mad cyclists of the week

Sleuth is a cyclist but on the various Confidential debates about car parking and trams this week, Sleuth couldn’t help wonder whether some of his fellow two wheelers are insane. Ranter Paul wrote: ‘I'm really happy about the decision to increase parking charges. I live in the city centre and am sick of all the cars. Get on yer bike.’ Simon Smith referring to the opening of the Chorlton Metrolink line wrote: ‘I can't understand why anyone except the disabled or elderly would ever use anything but a bike for such a short commute (from Chorlton).’ Some people turn totalitarian the more they become single activity obsessed. Strange how its left wing types - and cyclists - who tend to do this the most. 

Bjork is an Icelander filled with Frost

Ruth Allan, food writer and cultural guru of Manchester, wins best Tweet of the Week Award. She tweeted: ‘New Bjork facts: she doesn’t speak for A WHOLE DAY after each performance and she likes steak from Frost's (the well-known butchers) in Chorlton.’ Bjork is appearing at Manchester International Festiva. Sleuth was intrigued by these facts and asked for proof. Ruth replied with ‘I was buying some sausages at Frosts butchers when a girl came in and said "I am here to buy fresh steak for Bjork."’ Sleuth knows that Bjork has friends in Chorlton, ex-members of the group 808 State, so it makes sense.

Sleuth's fervent desire of the week

Sleuth wishes he had a girl to buy him meat. 

Sleuth and Bjork

In case people missed Simon Binns' Bjork review it’s here. He quoted in the review a line from Sleuth’s friend who had texted him during the performance with, “It’s like listening to the closing credits of Star Trek for an hour and forty minutes.” There were huge screens during the performance of Earth-Mother themes, plants growing, volcanoes spouting, fish swimming. Sleuth thinks it might have been nice if Bjork had broken off from all that stuff and shown a brief demonstration of how she cooks those Frost steaks, with video support. 

How to take pictures

Sleuth was at the launch of Dan Dubowitz’s Peeps project in Ancoats (click here) trying to take pictures of the event. He was stood next to one of Manchester’s best photographers Len Grant http://www.lengrant.co.uk. Len watched Sleuth for a minute or two before saying, “Oh for God’s sake, Sleuth, give it to me.” He took the camera from Sleuth and took the pictures in the gallery below of Sir Richard Leese, Council Leader, speaking while being barracked by some charming small children. Sleuth defers to Len Grant’s greater talent.

Sleuth’s worst type of recognition – in the toilet

Young would-be Sleuth Mr Smudge Jones was led astray not so long ago and ended up in lap-dancing club Long Legs on George Street where the girls christened him a ‘poor man’s Jarvis Cocker’.

More recently he was led astray again and ended up in The Press Club – the original sticky late night drinking den. It was three in the morning.

Later in the toilets, the attendant, the man who offers gents towels and aftershave post ablution, said to Smudge, “I recognise you. Aren’t you the kid I saw in the toilets of Long Legs a couple of weeks back when I was working there? It was wasn’t it? Because I remember your friend came in and said, “Hurry up, I’m paying for you to see some boobs out here.”’ Smudge had to admit he had been correctly identified.

He has thus managed to take fame down to new levels. Being well-known in the toilets of Manchester is one thing, being recognised exclusively in the toilets of Long Legs and the Press Club is a whole different kind of twisted tragedy.

Sleuth’s News of the World scandal story

Sleuth was asked on Thursday evening, “What do you think about the situation at the News of the World?” Sleuth replied, “I once dreamt about something called the News of the World but woke to find there was never such a thing.” “But what about Andy Coulson and Rebekah Brooks?” “Ah," said Sleuth, " they were in a nightmare, but when I woke turned out to be real.”

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15 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousJuly 12th 2011.

Dear Sleuth, thanks for the bit about the 'acoustic' Traffford Festival. I think Beech Rd celebrants will have paid for the clear up of the Big Picnic. MMC events is usually the licencee for event in Parks but they are run by the organisers.

In case anyone needs the rules on noise applyiing to such events here's the relevant extract from MCC Licensing Policy.

On noise in general the Manchester's Standard for licensed premises is:

"PN1 Prevention of noise breakout from the premises
This relates to both internal and external areas. Measures such as double glazing, the use of an acoustic lobby, noise limitation devices and sound-proofing for internal areas may be relevant. Licensees should demonstrate the measures taken to address such issues". p36

Nothing is said about external areas, but it might be reasonable an event should not cause more noise disturbance to premises near by than acceptable for a licensed pub or club to cause.

In addition for events the Policy requires.

"13.2 Licensees are expected to have regard to the management standards in Section 9 of the Licensing Policy as well as addressing the following elements": p36

g) Configuration and control of sound systems

Further: (there should be...)

13.3 "....A sound assessment with details and proposals for monitoring and controlling sound emission..... " P45

Residents will no doubt consider the sound assessment should demonstrably meet the standard as modified in the suggestion above. (unless of course they are indie lovers)

I'm not sure why OLD ladies are of particular concern. I am sure that they are not unpersons.

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