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Sleuth 06/03/2009

Noisy birds keep residents awake during city centre love making and city to get a new theatre?

Published on March 6th 2009.

Sleuth 06/03/2009

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

New theatre for the city?
Sleuth likes culture councillor Mike Amesbury because he’s often on Manchester Confidential saying in the comments section what he thinks. The Central Library is going to be radically transformed in the next few years and the Library Theatre is going to be ousted from the building. Sleuth has mixed feelings about this but he’s intrigued by this suggestion from Amesbury who’s the Executive Member for Culture and Leisure: ‘I am keen to find an even better home for the wonderful Library Theatre, my personal preference would be to return the Theatre Royal to the cultural economy, and all will be revealed in the not too distant future.’ (click here) The Theatre Royal has been a night club for two decades. It was built in 1845 and hosted famous actors such as Henry Irving.. The first production of La Boheme in English was performed here in 1897 with the composer Puccini in the audience. Sleuth thinks it might be a bit big for the Library Theatre but aside from that it's a splendid suggestion.

Paxman is ignorant
That would be Jeremy Paxman on Monday going over the newspaper headlines on Newsnight. Every front page contained a secondary story of how Oxford had fielded an ineligible team member against the University of Manchester and how the latter had now been awarded the 2009 University Challenge title. It's another egg-on-the-face moment for the BBC. Paxman never mentioned the story once. Paxman is, of course, the presenter of University Challenge.

DJ food critic
Confidential introduced a new food reviewer last week, Danny Moran, who enjoyed a trip to The Buddha Lounge (original story here) in Ramsbottom. Sleuth was amused to hear that on the Friday after the review was published, Danny got an unexpected request from a lass at Big Hands where he DJs at the weekly Whiskey Nights. Rather than making the usual demands for The Violent Femmes or The Smiths, she asked: “Are you the same Danny Moran that writes for Manchester Confidential? Then could you recommend a good, mid-priced restaurant in the city centre?” Sleuth reckons it adds something to the evening. Whiskey Nights at Big Hands on Fridays: blues-infested indie rock, Scotch at £1.50 a shot, and free advice on mid-range dining options. Sleuth's own recommendation is Akbars kebab shop next door: buy three kebabs in one go and that adds up to a main course at most mid-range restaurants.

Noisy birds keep residents awake during city centre love making
Sleuth has had reports of early morning sex on the Rochdale Canal bank, close to Rain Bar, being so loud that it's keeping residents awake. Yes the geese are mating. The honks during the bonks are so loud and fevered that residents are resorting to desperate measures to get some sleep: sales of air rifles are said to be on the increase in that funny little weapons shop on Withy Grove. Who’d have thought that the problems of city centre living could be so rural.

Puzzling present
Sleuth was looking for that special present to give that special person. He asked around, he racked his brain. Then an acquaintance proffered up the perfect suggestion. So he bought this item. It's a gift of grace and very beautiful. This is it folks, your Christmases and birthdays are sorted. Click here to see the wonder of it all.

Virgin on the ridiculous
The Keep Chorlton Interesting (click here) group deliberately ignored the opening of the controversial Tesco Express this Monday in the suburb. They wanted to deny the company the oxygen of publicity. The Tesco Express also includes a petrol station. Our Chorlton ear-to-the-ground the Deli Llama from the Barbakan, the fab bakery and deli over the road, told Sleuth: “You can tell the garage is in Chorlton. I went in for some Castrol oil but they only had extra virgin.”

Mistress Bates gets wood

Sleuth is pleased for Jane Bates, the recent winner of the Manchester ‘Come Dine With Me’ competition. She wrote to Confidential with: ‘The reason I won, was the fantastic reaction to my steak which I cooked on a plank of wood’. Interesting thought Sleuth. The next sentence somewhat surprised him though. ‘The response to this method of cooking has been so phenomenal,’ Ms Bates writes, ‘I have set up a business selling the planks’. Sleuth thought she was going to say ‘I have set up a business selling the steaks’. For some reason the inversion to what was expected made Sleuth smile.

Cheeky burglars
Body Confidential editor Lynda Moyo was talking to the police on an article she was researching. Suddenly the conversation was interrupted by the piercing sound of sirens in the background. "Sorry about the noise,"said the Sergeant from the GMP office. "We were broken into last night."

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23 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Slick-rockerMarch 6th 2009.

What have you got against immigrant geese? If they come to live in Britain, respect our laws & way of life, refrain from waging goose Jihad on the indigenous geese & integrate into our society there is no problem. May I suggest ear-plugs!?

Ali McGowanMarch 6th 2009.

Akbar's or Abdul's?

Regent RoadMarch 6th 2009.

These geese have moved further down the canal, some are now occupying near to Cornbrook tramstop. The residents there are all complaining on their residents facebook page about the noisey duck sex at 5am...

John WilliamsMarch 6th 2009.

The Geese! For those interested it's a new pair that are making the racket - the old ones were perfect neighbours - in bed by nine and no sound out of them. And they seem to have stopped - or maybe I'm speaking too soon - but whatever they don't make half the noise the women (and yes it is women) heading for Deansgate Locks make!

Cllr Paul ShannonMarch 6th 2009.

I like Councillor Amesbury too, and bringing the Theatre Royal back into cultural use is a good idea, but it's not Mike's idea! This was first suggested by Councillor Graham Shaw, but it's good to see ideas from all sides being taken on board.

AvoMarch 6th 2009.

Bit like your star gazy pie then!

WatchmanMarch 6th 2009.

The Odeon is a really good idea. Might work too as it hasn't gone. Only thing is it's even bigger than the Theatre Royal.

AnonymousMarch 6th 2009.

They may be from Canada and indulging in something no Canadian should be permitted to do but I think shooting our not-so-foul fowl friends is a little harsh. Perhaps residents at that end of the Rochdale Canal could have a quiet word and explain the traditional courting (read 'cruising') area of the canal is Piccadilly Basin. Just make sure they know to pick up a free packet of condoms as they wade by Canal Street.

Bird BrainMarch 6th 2009.

Are those geese, or Corncrakes?

John McrMarch 6th 2009.

Turning the old Theatre Royal into the new home for the Library Theatre is one of the best proposals I've heard all year! Not that I attend theatre that much but anything to get rid of the Idiots that spill out of that club and make that area look like scene from Benidorm club reps.

NeilMarch 6th 2009.

Akbars is poor. And surely the answer would be the new Red Chilli opposite.

jayMarch 6th 2009.

Why don't they use the old Odeon Cinema on Oxford St for the theatre. It's sitting there empty, and i like having the old theatre as a nightclub, it keeps all of the scallies in one place.

Danny CraigieMarch 6th 2009.

ha ha why were people interested in buying a Mondays Jigsaw also interested in so many products for producing the perfect boiled egg?? ha ha ha

rosieMarch 6th 2009.

d'ya think that cigpapers and the bnp could rid us of these immigrant geese?

Worried RogMarch 6th 2009.

Anon that's nothing. The goose sex has now re-located to my head since you've been talking about it.

mark mMarch 6th 2009.

can't even shoot em and eat em. canadian goose tastes like rotting fish if you make that mistake

Kev PeelMarch 6th 2009.

Fantastic idea to get the Theatre Royal back in action to house the Library Theatre and kudos to Mike, Rosa and the whole council if this happens.

The ObjectorMarch 6th 2009.

Maybe Paxman didn't mention it because he wanted to make Trimble tremble.....lets be honest, he made no secret of his animal urges, with those cheeky grins, comments and obviously, the fact he only ever told Christi to "hurry up, come on now!" just the once....Oooo the cad

Dave, ChorltonMarch 6th 2009.

Theatre Royal is too big but maybe they could build a Royal Exchange -style pod inside with some bar/exhibition space around it.

AnonymousMarch 6th 2009.

Abduls I presumed?

BezMarch 6th 2009.

Hey where's my jigsaw. And it's twisting my mellow that we can't find the corner piece.

MahindinhoMarch 6th 2009.

A disused cinema becoming a theatre? There's something comforting in that.

AnonymousMarch 6th 2009.

I was rudely awoken at 4am this morning by the sound of mating geese. I am preuming they have re-located, as I'm nowhere near Rain Bar...I live on Princess Street above the Medlock!

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