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Sleuth 06/01/2012

New bars, latest Balotelli rumour, Manchester Airport's local voices and David Cameron in Grill on the Alley

Published on January 6th 2012.


Sleuth 06/01/2012

Sleuth
Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.
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Cameron Gets Grilled

Sleuth saw David Cameron in Grill on the Alley in town on Thursday night. The Prime Minister was an affable love with the staff as he dined with friends and the odd burly guard. He didn't order any Blue Wicked though, then again they don't stock it at the Grill.

Earlier David Cameron had been at Vermilion Restaurant in East Manchester, the vast and luxuriously appointed Eastern eaterie. He was at Vermilion to praise the British Asian business communities' contribution to the country's economy.

CameronThis steak is very good, it is not from France and Monsieur Sarkozy

Dc1I tend to knead dough, like this, very vigorously

New Bars For The City

Sleuth hears there’s a new bar on the way – licensing application permitting – called Kulture at 14 Hilton Street in the Northern Quarter. Down at 1 New York Street, the unimaginative bar-naming crowd have been working very hard and come up with the name Number 1, for a place of ‘regulated entertainment (films, live music, recorded music, performances of dance and anything of a similar description)’ with opening hours until 4am. Meanwhile Bar Code on Albion Street, just over from Deansgate Locks, has its licence up for review ‘following an incident of serious crime and disorder at the premises’. Quelle surprise.

Suede 003
Sleuth’s Material Facts

Sleuth was out on New Year’s Eve. Where should he and his troubadours go? They passed the club called Suede, off Deansgate and thought about it, then someone said they liked Cord though it was long way. Suede? Cord? In the end they just leathered in Walkabout. 

Sleuth’s Poignant Newsagent Story Of The Week

Sleuth was in his local newsagents wondering which paper to buy. An old gent came up and said, “Hello, could you please pass me a Sun newspaper?” Sleuth was confused as the paper wasn’t on the bottom or top shelves and thus possibly difficult to reach for a pensioner, but on the middle shelf right in front of the old fella. Later, at the till, the newsagent was joshing with the man. “The Sun? What do you want this for Hughie, you can't read?” “I like looking at the pictures,” said Hughie. “Which ones eh?” said the newsagent with a wink.



Aisha-Gaddafi
Sleuth Finds The Worst Email Scam EVER

Sleuth received this on Thursday. 'It's my pleasure to contact you with this proposal, I am Aisha Gaddafi the only daughter to Mommar Gaddafi formal (sic) Libya president. I know this message may come to you as a surprise. I am in position with my father fund and asset and my dad also deposited some money in my name with a finance firm in Netherlands. About $19 billion in assets believed to have been under the control of Gaddafi or associates...could be yours....' Opportunism of the finest order indeed. Very wrong. Sleuth loves the sentence 'I know this message may come to you as a surprise'. 

Manchester Airport’s Voice Recognition

Sleuth hears that Manchester Airport’s top dogs are seeking linguists, but not for emerging markets such as China and India, no they want someone who can teach staff to speak with a ‘proper Mancunian accent’. This idea is the core of new call centre plans, due to open in February. In Liverpool they have John Lennon Airport, here we may soon have people answering, ‘Eiyoh, this Manchestoh speaking, ‘ow yer doin’?” It's all part of local colour.

Manchester Airport’s WH Smith Lack Of Recognition

Sleuth thinks that building the identity of Manchester is a good idea at the Airport. But the 'proper Mancunian accent' idea in the story above is a bit dubious Sleuth thinks. Manchester, certainly Greater Manchester, doesn’t have a nailed-on accent, it varies greatly from inner city to suburbs. Still emphasising identity is worthwhile, so maybe the airport could start in its own shops. WH Smith in Terminal One is very naughty. Want a souvenir of Britain? Forget anything to do with Manchester, let’s have models of London buses, Beefeater fridge magnets and postcards of Tower Bridge.

Sleuth’s Idea For Identity

Could someone give Sleuth a load of cash so he could open the type of shop in Manchester Airport that you see in airports across the world – you know the shop in every departure area that sells regional produce and souvenirs from round the world. Given the excellence of North West foods, we could clear up with cheeses, smoked produce, liquors, beers and add to them with textiles, smoked produce, literature, music. That would really show off the North West, Manchester and the quality we produce. 

Pictures 036
Sleuth’s Most Unexplained Moment Of The Week

Sleuth was walking down Quay Street on Wednesday, when he saw this pair of elegant heels, neatly perched on a pavement.  Sleuth spent at least four hours trying to work out the story behind them.  But he couldn’t manage it. So he slipped them on and went to the New Union on Canal Street for a pint. 

 

Mario Balotelli Rumour Of The Week (incorporating Sleuth's Lies to Tell Tourists)

Balotelli has bought London Road Fire Station off the Britannia Hotel Group and intends to turn it into the World's Largest Indoor Firework Exhibition Area.  

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