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Sleuth 05/11/2010

Katie Price outpulls Peter Andre, San Carlo’s Cicchetti bar, ugly Wayne Rooney, face-off and rude cyclists

Published on November 5th 2010.


Sleuth 05/11/2010

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Cicchetti, the new bambino
Sleuth was at the splendid 175th birthday of Kendal’s on Thursday night. It was literally the first birthday for Cicchetti, the new San Carlo operation downstairs in the store - in other words the first day of life. Sleuth wandered in for a few minutes on the venue’s trial evening. The place looks spectacular with a vast marble bar, a beautiful food counter, a bright sharp interior and a fine new entrance on King Street West. It certainly doesn’t look like or feel like a YAFI (click here).

Cicchetti, bar

Italian fry-up
Food at Cicchetti looks good too. Sleuth particularly likes the idea of the 8am opening and a classic English breakfast. The menu reads ‘The Italians are good at many things but the British still serve the best breakfast in the world’. Very true. Here for £6.95 you get fried, poached or scrambled eggs, bacon, pork and leek sausages, mushroom, tomato, baked beans and Bury Black Pudding. Sleuth envisages becoming a regular.

Sleuth’s web address of the week
This goes to www.jobbydealer.co.uk the web address of one of those second hand book and magazine exchanges with lots of pictures of girls who must be really warm because they’ve had to take their clothes off.

Out-Priced
Sleuth thinks that in the battle of the ex’s this weekend Katie Price is wearing the trousers. She’s appearing at Selfridges in the Trafford Centre, signing books, Peter Andre is at the ASDA Walmart signing his new album. The event addresses underline the relative appeal of the ex-lovebird pair.

Sleuth’s worst picture of Wayne Rooney ever
This is on the City Road Inn on the way out to Princess Parkway. No wonder United gave Rooney a record new contract just as he wanted.

Here come the urban heroes

Rude cycling fools
So Sleuth was in town last Friday at 7pm when a lot of cyclists from Critical Mass went pedalling past. These are the folk who are trying to fight the good green fight by riding en masse around the city centre blocking roads for motorists and showing how cyclists are...well...just brilliant and better than the internal combustion engine obsessed red-eyed road hogs

Then the lights went red and the green man came on. Sleuth walked into the road expecting these road aware Critical Mass folk to politely stop for pedestrians.

The bikes continued in waves and Sleuth was nearly knocked down. “It’s a green man, you’re supposed to stop,” said Sleuth pointing in exasperation, “Aren’t you supposed to be on the pedestrian’s side?”

A woman in her twenties with a cute woollen hat on and the air of a librarian was nearest to Sleuth. As she swerved to miss Sleuth she snapped, “Get out of the fucking way, you wanker.” Lovely.

Other cyclists turned and stared at Sleuth as though they wanted him dead.

Now Sleuth is a cyclist himself, Sleuth loves to ride his bicycle, but these idiots have something of the religious zealot about them. They have that wild-eyed madness of the convert, the unnerving nuttiness of the dogmatic for whom every contrary opinion is not only wrong but a spiritual slight. Sod the rude buggers. Sleuth wishes they'd all fall off their bikes without helmets on.

Sleuth gets the message
Sleuth was doing Halloween ghost tours around the city last week. In one car park close to the horrible Rooney picture mentioned elsewhere on this page, Sleuth was telling a story when he looked up and saw this van, pictured below. Was somebody trying to tell him something, was it a message from the other side?

Face-off
During the same set of Halloween tours there was a guest who’d made himself up beautifully as a zombie. After the tour Sleuth took the group into the Briton’s Protection for a pint. Sleuth went to the loo. At the hand-dryer he reeled. There was a bloody hairy mess on the top of the hand-dryer that looked like some vile product of hideous dismemberment. Then our Zombie walked in, “There it is,” he said, “I took that part of my make-up off to wash my face.”

The man who's face fell off


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15 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

carabuNovember 5th 2010.

I think it is wrong if cyclists were shouting at a pedestrian - we should definitely stick together. All I can say is that I have been on a critical mass ride and found the people to be very nice and the ride light hearted. I dont think the people you came up against were representative of your average critical mass person.

ScottNovember 5th 2010.

A whole bunch of cyclists have a massive chip on their shoulders and believe they own the road, pavement, or any surface they can get on to continue their journey.

The laws of the road apply to motorised transport, crucially you won't ever see a cyclist arrested for going through a red light - something I'd love to see change.

scoteeeNovember 5th 2010.

I find my solution to this problem works well: Wait until cyclist is about to pass and punch one hard in the back of the head.

AnonymousNovember 5th 2010.

I was on that ride and can say that all the people I rode with were extremely polite and courteous. Like anything in life, it only takes a minority to give the majority a bad name.

robdixonNovember 5th 2010.

The 'average critical mass person' is a selfish, unthinking buffoon who can usually be observed riding around a city centre grinning inanely whilst blissfully unaware of the chaos they create. Pity the poor ambulance driver or fire tender caught up in the jam they create. Or the single parent desperately trying to make it across town in time to pick up a child.
Most of the people caught up in the jams often have no choice about using their car in the city. They are simply trying to earn a living and are being harrassed by these jerks who are giving normal cyclists like me a bad name.

Mint CakeNovember 5th 2010.

Cicchetti looks fantastic on your pic, will definately be popping in tommorrow for a taster. Kendals will always be the No:1 store in M/cr for me

SleuthNovember 6th 2010.

To anonymous, you have may have been polite but did you stop at green men for pedestrians to cross?

MinxNovember 6th 2010.

I am a proud cyclist but really find it bad to see other cyclists go through red lights. It's as though they think they are immune to other traffic and potential accidents. Red lights are there for a purpose - one which helps protects us all: driver, cyclist and pedestrian. By all means go cycle off a cliff top if you have suicide tendencies, but don't put MY life at risk.

AnonymousNovember 6th 2010.

Critical Mass aren't representative of most cyclists. I've met them a few times.

They are a small clique of people who have cycling as one of their fads along with things like veganism, ecomania and working class book fairs. They tend to be students or public sector workers and most of them think Manchester consists only of the city centre and the route down Oxford/Wilmslow road.

AndyMNovember 6th 2010.

In 6 years I have been knocked down 3 times in Manchester, twice on Oxford Road (and once when I was actually on a pavement). On each of these occasions the cause of the knocking down has been a cyclist ignoring a traffic light and ploughing into me - on one occasion I was knocked about 8 feet through the air, almost went under a bus and was then shouted at by the cyclist for having bent his front wheel and for having stepped out onto the road in the first place. Car drivers who have passed their tests and who pay their road tax have never once knocked me down.

EARL OF DIDSBURYNovember 7th 2010.

Cyclists should be made to pay road tax, they never observe red lights and only a few have a light at night (strangely the police turn a blind eye to this frequent offence )

DenisNovember 7th 2010.

Absolutely!!! I see them totally disregard traffic lights on a daily basis. If you don't believe me, stand outside M/cr Royal Hospital any weekday. I'm suprised there aren't regular accidents.

rachNovember 8th 2010.

I am a regular cyclist and can only agree some cyclists are selfish and ignorant, but then so are a lot of motor vehicle drivers..

But, my point of annoyance: can everyone please learn that "road tax" doea not exist. Drivers pay a vehicle duty excise which has nothing to do with paying for roads or give drivers 'ownership' of them. Roads are paid for through income and council taxes.

TomegranateNovember 8th 2010.

All other points aside, I just want to nip the 'road tax' cliche in the bud - there's no such thing as road tax. Nobody pays it. More info: http://ipayroadtax.com/

AnonymousNovember 8th 2010.

Crikey there are some cycling haters on here... try getting on a bike again - it's healthy, good for the environment, cheap and lifts away lifes strains and stresses.

I think motorists and pedestrians are just as bad - don't look where they are going, don't obey the rules of the road (e.g. not crossing the road at crossings)... so lighten up people and dont give us cyclists s**t

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