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Sleuth 05/10/2007

Gold taps, bras and exclusive on James Purnell, Culture Secretary

Published on October 5th 2007.

Sleuth 05/10/2007

Hello Boys
This week the ex-Wonderbra model, Eva Herzigova, made a fashionably late stop at Selfridges to promote the new Aurea television. An Aurea spokesman told Sleuth, “the experience you get from the Aurea seduces the senses. Eva really embodies those qualities.” Indeed. With that in mind one adoring fan, who had ‘Salford’ tattooed on his knuckles was first in the queue to be seduced by Eva’s..er..telly. After chatting to a fellow fan about how he got his earlobe burnt off, the man hollered ‘Evoh, can yoh sign mi book?” as the supermodel attempted a sharp exit. Luckily for him he got his once in a lifetime moment. And Eva? Ditto.

Metro does shameless
Sleuth reckons you have to be a bit sensitive about promoting your own products. Imagine his surprise when he flipped his Metro whilst tram-commuting on Tuesday. The lead was about the tragic shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes by Police in 2005. Jo Steele wrote: ‘He [a detective] followed Mr de Menezes down on to a train as the Brazilian stopped to use his ticket and pick up a copy of Metro.’ Honestly folks, time and place, sense of proportion and all that.

More placement
On the subject of product placement, Sleuth loved the curry rants for £100 from all and sundry on Man Con about their favourite spice islands around Greater Manchester. One read: ‘Without a shadow of a doubt the best Indian restaurant is Dilli in Altrincham, outstanding food, very authentic and always consistent.’ Sleuth agrees that Dilli is certainly one of the best. But who posted this illuminating comment? Why, none other than Dawn Holding, Dilli’s PR agent.

Pampered and wigged
Sleuth likes to keep up with building work in the city. He’s currently deeply, almost lustfully, in love with the soon-to-be-finished Civil Justice Centre. If it doesn’t win the next Stirling prize for the best new building in Britain then he’ll eat his hat. Literally. And it’s quality inside and out. Sleuth learns that the taps in the judges’ quarters are gold and cost the taxpayer £400 a shot. “Why do the judges need gold taps?” asked Sleuth. “It’s because they feel they gave up the real money by taking silk," replied Sleuth’s mole. “You can earn a lot more as a barrister.” Poor dears, it must be really hard. Rumours that judges are also to be tucked up by velvet gloved virgins in the Lowry Hotel seem wide of the mark.

Economics classes
Sleuth likes how Trafford Council prioritise. It’s the only Greater Manchester council which has 11+ . These take place this Saturday and parents in the north of the borough have been told to prepare for disruption at Stretford High School where pupils sit the exams. The school and Trafford make money from Manchester United supporters parking on the school premises. With the match against Wigan moved forward to 12.45pm parents have been asked to make plans to park elsewhere or come on public transport. Of course Trafford could have closed the premises to fans on this important day for the kids but no, they wanted the money.

4x4 multiple division
Pannone and Partners are one of Manchester’s top locally owned legal practices. Recently they’ve branched out from the city centre and opened a couple of offices in the southern hinterlands. The one in Alderley Edge specialises in family law. “Why’s that?” Sleuth asked an insider. “Because all the footballers’ wives down there find parking difficult in the city centre when they’re getting divorced,” came the reasonable reply.

Geographically challenged
A reader points out that the MEN needs to buy an atlas. Thursday’s lead story about a plaque given to Manchester United following the Munich disaster of 1958 was from ‘Croatian club Red Star Belgrade’. Belgrade’s the capital of Serbia which at the time was in Yugoslavia. Oops.

Next week on Manchester Confidential

Main feature
Exclusive Ashton-under-Lyne tourism special: Lou Reed asked to re-record ‘Walk on the Wildside’ as ‘Walk on the Tameside’. Lou tells Man Con why he told them to f………
Would David Cameron make a good Openshaw councillor?
Home: Australian beers: an alternative to bleach?
Finance: Investment in deckchairs: does it really stack up
Food and Drink: Britannia Hotel Group: do they cook rats for breakfast?

Vivienne Westwood in Spring Gardens
Harvey Nichols on New Cathedral Street
Mr Boodle and Mr Dunthorpe on King Street
Miss Selfridge on Market Street
Thomas Pink in Cruz 101

Where is James Purnell?
Following James Purnell’s faked photograph at Tameside Hospital, we ask the Culture Secretary and MP for Stalybridge and Hyde, where he’s not been this week.

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5 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

JimOctober 5th 2007.

I didn't see James Purnell in a chip shop in Rochdale this week

GezzabelleOctober 5th 2007.

I did not just have a lovely lunch at the Mal with James Purnell.

James PurnellOctober 5th 2007.

When I wasn't touring with Kanye West my favourite lyrics were...'So we goin' do everything that Kan like/ Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike/ Well I'd do anything for a blonde dyke/ And she'll do anything for the limelight/ And we'll do anything when the time's right, Uh, baby you're makin' it (Harder, better, faster, stronger) oh.' So succinct like my great leader Gordon.

Evening News WatchOctober 5th 2007.

I see the MEN have knicked Gordo's trick about giving beer away. C.mon you lot, lets have another freebie at Kro, somewhat more trendy than those Hydes **** holes.

WayneOctober 5th 2007.

I didn't see James Purnell in my kitchen on Thursday. I did see a judge and I polished his shoes for him because he was looking down in the mouth about the £200k he was earning per annum.

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