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Sleuth 04/05/07

Timmy Mallet, election special and pigs for breasts

Published on May 4th 2007.


Sleuth 04/05/07

A whole new Bez
Dan Martin was one of the best and most popular music journalists the city had in the early 2000s. He then decamped to London for work with the NME and others. He’s always been proud of his Manchester connection though and he’s never been shy in coming forward. So when Bez was denied a visa to the States recently, because he liked a spliff or two and admitted it, the Happy Mondays approached Dan to see if he wanted to be Bez-like at the Coachella festival. Here’s a You Tube clip of Dan dancing to Step On. Sleuth never thought he’d say he misses the fluidity and grace of Bez’s exertions.

Hit me with your rhythm stick
Sleuth was enjoying the transvestitism in the Birdcage at Poptastic’s birthday the other day when Timmy Mallet got on stage to do a turn. The old trooper still has legs Sleuth thought. And hands - all over the place. Then Timmy had a couple too many. The old trooper who still had legs became legless. He was escorted firmly from the building and shown the cold Withy Grove air. There we go, thought Sleuth, Mallet’s been malleted.

Ray gun or loose cannon
Sleuth then teleported himself across town to the Miss Manchester 2007 contest at the Palace Hotel. He was supporting beautiful Manchester Confidential writer Lynda Moyo who clearly should have won. Ray Quinn, the X-factor finalist was there too and was asked after a few drinks to give the crowd a rousing chorus…of.. well it was hard to tell. Ray began with his best Ian Brown at Reading Festival impersonation. Sleuth felt off-colour, Ray was off-key. Talent always shines through.

Celeb spotting
Sleuth thought he’d join in this popular local newspaper distraction.
He saw:
1) Michael Carrick of Manchester United carrying fives boxes of Ran shoe shop footwear on Cross Street.
2) Samia Smith of Corrie walking down Deansgate.
3) A man who looked a bit like Justin Timberlake on Market Street.
4) A guide dog that looked..er.. like that dog on Blue Peter in the eighties
5) Er
6) That’s it really.
Sleuth decided the whole thing was a rubbish idea. As the man in Ran said, “Michael Carrick was buying shoes that’s it, he has feet you know.”

Local Election latest
Sleuth’s colleague Gordo spent most of last night at the Miss Manchester competition getting over-excited at the bathing costume section. Walking home past the Town Hall he decided to ensure a good night’s sleep and stepped into The Kremlin to see how the elections went in the city centre. Rob Adlard (Conservative) 343. Kathy Crotty (Labour) 391. Kenneth Dobson (Lib Dem) 498. Spotting a pair of shiny shoes Gordo realised that dapper Sir Richard Leese, Council Leader, was in da house. “Sir Richard”, asked Gordo, “Have you any comment about the young Conservative candidate Rob Adlard building a couple of hundred votes on the last Conservative result? Is he on the way to overturning both the Lib Dems and Labour in the not to distant future?” Tricky Dicky looked at the board and scratched his chin. “Yes,” says Manchester’s favourite cyclist, “It does appear that Mr Adlard has accelerated from third place to third place”.

Green motoring
The event the artists were at was the launch of Art Car Parade which takes place on 8 September when a cavalcade of 50 plus decorated cars will tour through the city. The car shown here is Crazy Golf Car. A Volkswagen Golf covered with artificial turf and kitted out with holes and flags like a golf course. Geddit? Anybody can join the event too, all you need to do is decorate your car in a mad manner and get in touch with www.artcarparade.co.uk. Sleuth was admiring the golf car when one of artists with pigs for breasts approached. “Oh, wow,” she said, turning to the man who’d created it. “Is it a Ford Fiesta?” “Er, no,” said the man, “it’s a Volkswagen Golf. That‘s the joke I think.” You put in all that effort………

Dead hair day
Here’s a picture of some artists. You can tell they’re artists straight away - can’t think why. Earlier one of the ladies here had proudly pushed her pig head brassiere into Sleuth’s face and remarked how she’d, in an artistic way of course, acquired a pig’s head from a butchers and moulded the resultant bra from it. Very good. She then trumped this with the story about her brooch heart with an arrow through it. “We got in touch with the people on Death Row in the States to send us some of their hair. Then we turned the hair into this brooch to make the heart. Isn’t it sweet?” Sleuth ran off frightened.

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10 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Rob Adlard - Conservative City Centre SpokesmanMay 4th 2007.

Thanks for that Pat and Cathy, and congrats on beating us by 48 votes, Labour must be very glad its vote didn't collapse here as it did elsewhere. Manchester remains unique now in the region being the only Labour dominated council remaining. I won't stoop to negative campaigning, and am glad the Lib Dems didn't either, congratulations to Ken Dobson for winning another 4 years.Good luck with whatever you all choose to do next, perhaps you'll stand in the city centre Pat?

City Centre ResidentMay 4th 2007.

Please can someone explain why lib dems won again? Ken Dobson is not a city resident and as far as I can tell from a conversation I have had with him has little time for those who actually live in the city. Good for Rob Adlard who lives in the City and understands what city dwellers need and want and what we have to endure. So he was 3rd but as you say he has built on last years numbers. Dont lose heart Rob - some of the residents of the city do believe in what you stand for. Mr Dobson will you consider moving in to the area you represent?

BloggitMay 4th 2007.

laughing> Sir Richard does have the worlds shiniest shoes and that's a fact. Not as shiny as Howard Sharrocks nose last night though....

City Centre ResidentMay 4th 2007.

WOW .. Never realised how personal and bitchy local politics is! But perhaps now the votes have been cast my apartment block can have a week without being littered with notes from EVERY party trying to out do the other. And we really can get re cycling in every city centre block!?! Im sure there are enough election pamphlets lying around to get cleared up. And those who have been voted in can make a difference to the residents of the city and those who work and play here.

Mr XMay 4th 2007.

Put that eye away, Gordo! Not what we want to see on a Sunday...

SimonMay 4th 2007.

Oh man, that's some serious insight from the guy at Ran.

Mister Monopoly!May 4th 2007.

interesting election results.... seems people are more interested in voting for Manchester in the online monopoly vote... http://www.monopoly.co.uk So far we've recieved 3761 votes but need more to make it onto the final UK board so get voting

JamesMay 4th 2007.

I love the guys at Ran, brilliant staff in a brilliant shop. Everyone should get sneaks from them.

kathy karney and pat crottyMay 4th 2007.

Politics is such a cruel business---in a matter of minutes our dreams can be shattered.Poor Rob dreaming of entertaining Dave Cameron to a clean up and tea at the town hall.Not to be---Dave goes to South Ribble instead for the big breakthrough in the north.Poor Pat Karney enduring vile rumours from the village area that he and Kathy Crotty are the same person.And then there's Kenny---Kenny who ?? And there's the final insult from the mocking media that politics is showbiz for ugly people.Sure I looked fat in the leaflets but I have now thrown out all my Bounty Bars.WE HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OVER THE LAST WEEKS/MONTHS.THANK YOU TO ALL THE AMAZING RESIDENTS WE MET IN OUR WICKED CITY CENTRE LOVE FROM PAT AND KATHY.

GordoMay 4th 2007.

Nice to see you two on form, Kath n Pat! Just because it ain't election time, lets not see the pair of you dissapear into the suburban fermament, Uncle Gordo will be keeping his eye out. -)

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