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Sleuth 04/02/2011

Theo Paphitis fails to invest, Mulberry in court, is Peel Group boss TV presenter?

Published on February 4th 2011.


Sleuth 04/02/2011

Sleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to print. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows.

Theo Paphitis fails to invest in massive business opportunity
Sleuth was off to interview Theo Paphitis and couldn’t think of anything to ask the entrepreneur that hadn't been asked before. So he asked Confidential staff to come up with ideas that might inspire the Dragon's Den regular. There were several helpful suggestions ranging from the ambitious, such as Rocket Shoes to cut commuting times, to those of limited ambition, such as ‘a bucket with a lid’ (Thanks for that Mr Editor). It was Jorgensen who dreamt up the best money-making scheme in Sleuth's opinion: a Home Stigmata Kit – for those domestic moments when a normal belief system just won’t do.

Tilting at windmills
Sleuth was walking past the Cathedral when he heard a commotion. There was shouting and wild language. Sleuth reached Exchange Square and found the origin of the row. It was one very drunken man, screaming at the top of his lungs, pointing and jabbing. "WHAT YOU LOOKING AT YOU BIG ROUND WANKER!" the man bellowed. Sleuth looked to see who the man was insulting. There was nobody there, then Sleuth worked it out. The man was raging at the Manchester Wheel: that big eye spinning round and round, staring at the city all day long. Sleuth actually thinks its more an egotistical monomaniac than a wanker.

Lying down view
Sleuth was taking some guests around the city the other day. They were Chilean, but had never been down any mines. In the Royal Exchange Theatre one of the men wanted to take a picture. “It’s hard to capture the place properly on camera,” advised Sleuth before saying, “where’ve you gone?” Then Sleuth looked down. The man had found a solution to the problem. “I do it from here,” the man said, “it’s worth a dirty back.”

Tasty name of Bacon
Sleuth bumped into Tim Bacon, the boss of restaurant group Living Ventures, in his lovely new bar The Alchemist this week. He was with his brother. “Hello,” said Sleuth. “Hello, this is my brother Chris Bacon,” said Tim. Chris Bacon. Sleuth tried not to smile. Sleuth couldn’t help smiling though when he realised that Chris Bacon’s middle name begins with P. Chris P Bacon. Brilliant. Click here for proof.

Mulberry and Oliver Sweeney in court
Sleuth was walking through Spinningfields the other day when a gentleman with a dagger tattoo on his face walked past. “Look at that, fucking Mulberry, next to the court, as though we want to dress up before being sent down?” he said to a gentleman dressed in a track suit with bottoms tucked into white socks. Sleuth mused on the words for a while. Mulberry shares a building with the courts. As does Oliver Sweeney and others. It’s possibly a unique situation: a magistrates court fenced in by high tone fashion shops, a research library and soon, a fine dining restaurant. Window shopping on the way to the nick - interesting notion.

Nobel sewage
Sleuth loved one of the revelations at the meal to celebrate Manchester-based scientists Andre Geim and Konstantin Novoselov winning the Nobel prize for creating graphene. Apparently Manchester Uni has four nobel prize winners currently working on its staff while the Oxbridge institutions only have one. Nice. Sleuth also found out that one of the graphene scientists lives in Urmston. “Tom Kilburn, one of the professors who dreamt up the world’s first true computer in Manchester in 1948 also lived in Urmston,” Sleuth pointed out to no-one in particular. “Must be something very inspiring that smell of sewage from Davyhulme,” he said to no-one at all.

Whittaker/Forsyth
Is John Whittaker doubling as the personality who presents Celebrity Come Dancing? Sleuth used to think Whittaker was the boss of Peel Group, owners of the MediaCity development, but now he's not so sure. Sleuth is also pretty certain that last time Whittaker was in earshot he heard him say, "Nice to develop you, to develop you, nice" and "Good crane, good crane" and "Didn't he build well" and....

Sleuth’s crazy interior of the week
The winner this week is the Crown and Anchor on Port Street in the Northern Quarter. It’s a nineteenth century pub done out like a nail bar with silver wallpaper, coloured lights and plaster casts of the Elgin Marbles. There’s a pair of poodles with ribbons as well. And a barrel - for no apparent reason.


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8 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousFebruary 3rd 2011.

So that's what he's been doing since Blue Peter!

J E SibberingFebruary 3rd 2011.

'Window shopping on the way to the nick - interesting notion.'

More like shoplifting on the way to the hearing.

John NuttallFebruary 4th 2011.

Of course, Todmorden Grammar School produced two Nobel prize winners in science. Not bad for a small, rural school. Naturally the Government rewarded this achievement by closing it down.

AnonymousFebruary 4th 2011.

It was a top school John, I went there myself.

Secret SquirrelFebruary 4th 2011.

What's graphene and why have I never heard of it? If its creators won the Nobel Peace Prize surely it would have been in the papers?

Christopher BryanFebruary 4th 2011.

Schofield - you appear to have something against Urmston for some reason (past articles included too). Although it isn't the most glam past of Manchester there's not a lot difference between it and most of the other suburbs either....

Jonathan Schofield - editorFebruary 4th 2011.

CB. You're getting confused. Sleuth wrote this not me. Sleuth is a composite character, sometimes real, sometimes fantasy, with an open heart and winning ways. Just like Urmston

Kev PFebruary 9th 2011.

I think Whittaker is probably closer in character to Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races...

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