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Sleuth

Gossip, strangeness and fact

Published on April 5th 2007.


Sleuth

Deansgate Entertainment
Sleuth was enjoying an al fresco evening on Deansgate on Wednesday evening. This involved the odd glass of vino on the Pesto terrace. It also featured a couple of ‘street gentlemen’ looming over the terrace and gurning at Sleuth and his chums. Shortly after, a van drew up. Two fellas leapt out and beat up another, got back in and then accelerated away. A moment later Wayne Rooney scored in Rome and the Hogshead pub opposite exploded in celebration with grown men rushing out of the pub, kneeling in the road and raising their arms in delight. Everything was then trumped by two ample ladies emerging out of the Fantasy Bar and lifting their tops to reveal their ample charms – perhaps a bit of guerrilla marketing on behalf of Phil Yates, proprietor of the esteemed Fantasy Bar. Better than a night in front of the tele anyway. Sleuth couldn’t help musing on how this city is the very measure of sophistication and elegance

Witty streets
The wild-life were out in force on Wednesday. Sleuth knows his history and was out recording with Radio 4 on Manchester’s distinguished past, its marvellous buildings and so forth with Paul Mason. Mason is from Leigh, has robust Lancashire tones and does a lot of work on TV with Newsnight where he’s known by the witty southerners as Peter Kay. At one point whilst holding forth on the cotton industry, a passing swain of this town grabbed for the microphone and articulated loudly the four letter word beginning with c that most right-thinking people believe unforgivable. Fortunately the broadcast wasn’t live.

Happy feet
Sick and tired of the same old Columbo style anorak and school tie, Sleuth thought he’d get ‘down with the kids’ by hooking himself up with some ultra cool New Balance Joy Division tribute trainers. He rushed to Ran in St Anns Arcade only to discover they are a prototype. Sleuth will keep you posted on when he’ll be out in the clubs with his smart new footwear jigging crazily like the great Ian Curtis.

Bang bang
Sleuth was in the thick of it at the recent bomb scare near Oxford Road/ Chester Street. Battling his way through the silent police men, his hat replaced by a Tommy’s helmet, Sleuth found the bomb had been tidied up and taken away. Shame really, there are some shocking student developments around there. Further along Oxford Road, Sleuth wondered if the wrong location had been given. The Manchester Academy looked totally destroyed, utterly wrecked in fact. A witness with a hard hat, not a patch on Sleuth’s classy retro headwear, claimed that the tedious out of town DIY store design of the Academy hadn't been bombed but was being updated to the tune of £2.5m. Sleuth remains unconvinced.

Big face in Northern Quarter
Message to Northern Quarter folk. What is this? The traders in the area have no idea where it came from and what it is. Sleuth’s investigations are getting nowhere. Answers on an email lovely readers if you have any idea what it’s all about. We like it and want to find the artist and congratulate him or her. Maybe even given them a prize, a Japanese robot of their choice perhaps, see the next story below.

Japanese love
Luke Bainbridge, the best editor the old City Life magazine ever had, has just come back from a trip round Japan with Kanye West for the Observer. This fine Manchester ambassador tells Sleuth of the strange relaxation method employed by a presenter from a well-known Music Channel. In Japan it’s all the rage, at present, to have sex with a robot. No, really. And the robot sends you a text message the next day saying how much she is missing you. In fact the presenter enjoyed the robot so much that he actually rented her for a day so he could take her back to his hotel and they could spend some quality time together. Now she never calls, she never writes. FYI: a key part of the body is removable and machine washable. If the jury was out on whether the world has gone mad, then the guilty verdict has just come in.

Cooked off
Sleuth finds it hard to keep up sometimes. Steve McLoughlin is a chef who flies between venues faster then a fried egg off a greasy pan. In recent years he’s done the Cotton House, Cocoa Rooms and Podium, amongst others. Now he’s at Earle in Altrincham and he’s there to stay apparently. Steve’s a good chef so let’s hope that celeb chef Simon Rimmer can give him some much needed stability in his career.

Croma toast
Meanwhile Manchester is invading Yorkshire. Sleuth learns that Croma is spreading east to take on the Tykes in Leeds. After conquering Manchester city centre several years ago as the indie pizzeria of choice, Croma then astonishingly scooted over to Boston, Mass, with a franchise – apparently this resulted in lots of local pizza chefs over there topping themselves. Sorry. The next logical step in taking over the world was Chorlton cum Hardy. Naturellement. Now it’s over to Leeds. The Sleuth is hearing rumours of another major Manc operator landing in that fair city too, so keep logging on.

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GordoApril 5th 2007.

Well spotted superdog! My fav bit of the old City Life

superdog500April 5th 2007.

the citizen is dead, long live sleuth!

Simon SmithApril 5th 2007.

That graffiti's probably one of the uhc collective geezers. Dreff or something I think, did the big blue heads by the hotspur mill.More of it I think, good graffiti can be amazing when placed in just the right, erm, place.

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