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Secret Bar Opens, Political Fallout And Just What Are Outdoor Rooms?

Sleuth Wk 22: Secrets, Liberals, Leadership And Absurdity

Written by . Published on May 30th 2014.


Secret Bar Opens, Political Fallout And Just What Are Outdoor Rooms?
 

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

New Secret Northern Quarter Bar

Sleuth came across a secret door in the Northern Quarter this week. A secret door by a Biffa bin down a ginnel. All week Sleuth had been hearing colleagues deliberate as to where the Northern Quarter’s new hidden bar was. An unclear photo on their twitter @nqsecretdoor gave little clue - see below. Niamh from Confidential had even used several lunch hours to try hunt down the thing, she'd come back to the office each time having drunk in several NQ bars as part of her research. To no avail. And here Sleuth was, with gravy on his chin staring down the elusive door - review on Confidential soon. But what is it they (U2) say? Only once you stop searching will you find what you’re looking for. Sleuth then went home and tripped over the missing Malaysia MH370.

The Secret Door is so big cars can park inside

The Secret Door is so big cars can park inside

Sleuth's Best Way Of Making Money Ever

So Sleuth got in touch with The Secret Door and said, "Are you open tonight?" The reply was "Maybe, maybe not." People can take elusivity too far. 

Sleuth's Name Of Confusion: 

Sleuth loves Manchester's Eclectic Hotels, thinks their Great John Street Hotel and Didsbury establishments are lovely places. They have a new hotel opening in the old financial district of Manchester called King Street Townhouse - full story later. Sleuth likes the plans but wonders about the name. The hotel's on Booth Street not King Street which is a couple of thoroughfares north. Sleuth predicts taxi confusion, tourist confusion and pities the poor receptionists having to repeat, "No we're not actually on King Street..." time and time again. What's wrong with Booth Street Townhouse? Even if the former property was a bank and not a town house. 

King Street Townhouse - detail from the lovely facade of the hotel that's not on King Street and was a bank never a townhouse

King Street Townhouse - detail from the lovely facade of the hotel that's not on King Street and was a bank never a townhouse

Health And Safety Non-English

Sleuth loves the Godlee Observatory on top of the University of Manchester's Sackville Street Building. It's been going strong since 1902. Now after repairs, some sick official addled with Health and Safety non-worries, has been at work. No longer are visitors allowed onto the balcony around the lovely structure. Sleuth was told, "It's been defined as an inaccessible 'open room' with insufficient safety aspects." For more than 100 years Sleuth knows for a fact nobody has fallen from the balcony and nobody's been trapped up there. Idiot officialdom. Does the phrase 'open room' even make any sense?

Godlee Observatory

Godlee Observatory

How To Add Value To Your Property

If you are selling a property remember to add one extra room to the description on your marketing if you have a balcony. These are actually 'open rooms'. You might make some extra money now your property is bigger.

Health And Safety Part Two Boo

Sleuth has decided to make a list of all the superb places no longer accessible because of worries over things that will never happen. The worst example of this is the closure of the Great Northern Tunnels underneath the Great Northern Warehouse. This place hosted thousands of visitors over the last few years who were moved and amazed by atmospheric dark spaces created by an underground canal and bomb shelters. Then the fire officer came along and said it was dangerous, a fire hazard. The place is concrete, brick and mud. The only way a fire could have started is if guests had brought firewood down with them. Sleuth always told his guides to be on the look out for any such visitors. Strangely enough there never were any. 

Closed for no reason

Closed for no reason

Why Not Call Yourself Richard?

Sleuth's colleague, the editor, was writing an article about the 22 May local election results this week. He rang a Green Party spokesperson in his usual foghorn phone voice. "Is that Dick Venes?" he said. He pronounced the name Dick Veins. The office exploded in howls of juvenile laughter. The editor should have pronounced the surname 'Veens' but it was too late. After a shakey call in which he tried to hold it together he said, "I'd go with Richard with that surname, just to be on the safe side."

Sleuth's Horrible Morality Tale Of The Week

Sleuth was bouncing around the Northern Quarter on Monday, enjoying his Bank Holiday, when he heard a commotion coming from the Piccadilly Club (not in Piccadilly, by the way, like the King Street Townhouse), the fairly conspicuous knocking shop on Great Ancoats Street wedged between two takeaways. Sleuth was surprised to see four young, fresh-faced, well-dressed young men, possibly even teenagers, come barrelling out of the bordello with faces like cats in the John West factory. A nearby drifter shouted at the boys, “Ay lads, ‘ad a good empty have ya?” and high-fived each of the beaming boys individually as they passed. Sleuth looked at his watch, it was 1.30pm. No, he was in a rush, there simply wasn't time. 

Political Shenanigans In Red City

Canadians happy to be in WeatherfieldCanadians happy in WeatherfieldSo Manchester gained another 'first' last week. It became the first major UK city to become a mini-Soviet. After the local elections, of the 96 Manchester councillors, 95 are Labour and the other one is Independent Labour. He's called Henry Cooper, and is certainly going to have to punch above his weight if he's going to provide effective official opposition.

Victory Boosts Friendship

Sleuth was taking a tour on Friday when the results came through and took his Canadian tour operator guests - all Coronation Street fanatics - into The City Arms at the back of the Town Hall where the Labour Party were whooping it up. Even Graham Stringer MP (the former Council Leader) was there, chatting to the present Council Leader, Sir Richard Leese. This was a surprise. Clearly the rumours they disliked each other were false.

It's chin chin, win win in the City Arms

It's chin chin, win win in the City Arms. Sir Richard Leese at the rear is saying, 'Let's do a Farage'. 

A Lonely, Lonely Office

Sleuth wanted to talk to the Liberal Democrats about their Manchester wipe-out. The Town Hall press office didn't know who to contact. The main opposition party traditionally has their own office in the Town Hall but given there is no opposition after 22 May nobody was answering the phone. So he tried the phone number for Manchester Liberal Democrats but it rang out. Sleuth then checked the email contact: victor.libdem@ymail.com. Victor? Really. Oh dear. 

Sleuth's Lies To Tell Tourists

If you are Conservative and feel like gaining a political foothold, maybe even a safe council seat, then Manchester will welcome you with open arms.

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11 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Calum McGMay 30th 2014.

Fucking hate Health & Safety ruining everything. When will the government grow some balls and relax some of the outrageously stupid regs? I appreciate we need SOME H&S but not the slew of stupid shit that ruins the ability to have any fun. I am surprised they let me go up the town hall clock tower. Soon enough they'll ban that. What an utter waste of time.

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

The regs arent the problem its the people making the decisions. Usualy high on their own little bit of power, they dont feel they have done their job unless they find some problem or other.

steven patrick morrisseyMay 30th 2014.

Health and Safety myths is worth a read... citations of health and safety gone mad are often people lacking the common sense to make logical decision ... www.hse.gov.uk/…/…

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

Is Manchester now in a worse position than Liverpool in the 80s under Hatton?

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

worse off for opposition but hatton was a joke of a leader where ours seem to be OK most of the time.

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

Huh. Did they mean it was a fire risk if the building above set on fire? Because you'd be trapped under it with a group of people you'd have to make sure got out and up the stairs, but I'd really hope H&S people could be satisfied with a "We will explain to the group what happens in the event of fire" kind of plan. ...I wonder what tour groups operating out of caves have to do.

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

Much amusement in Levenshulme over the last few months of election campaigning - being the politically engaged community that we are, social media has been alight with commenters proudly proclaiming how much they love Dick.

Mark McGinnMay 30th 2014.

The underground canal beneath the northern goods canal is explained well here in this clip about "Manchester's lost canal" youtu.be/yQ3NP9zeUv4…

3 Responses: Reply To This...
Mark McGinnMay 30th 2014.

I meant northern goods warehouse.

Mark McGinnMay 30th 2014.

I meant great northern warehouse!

AnonymousMay 30th 2014.

What do you mean Mark?

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