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SLEUTH: Cereal Caf | Jack Daniels Provides Protection | Burger & Lobster Whopper | Schoolkid Hero

Week 9: ...in which Sleuth comes to fork in the road

Written by . Published on March 6th 2015.

SLEUTH: Cereal Caf | Jack Daniels Provides Protection | Burger & Lobster Whopper | Schoolkid Hero

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth


Sleuth was in one of his favourite pubs the other day, The Briton's Protection. The lovely little snug behind the bar is heavy on the Jack Daniels brand at the moment. The pub team went over in November and bought their own unique barrel which will be available from 31 March - the launch event. That will bring the number of Jack Daniels up to 22. The name of the Briton's Protection's bourbon will be appropriately called the Manchester Select. Sleuth loves another opportunity to drink well.

Briton's ProtectionBriton's Protection


Sleuth was ready to give Black Milk – Manchester’s first crack at this new-fangled cereal café thing – the benefit of the doubt. As far as this new wave of novelty cafs go, cereal is perhaps the least offensive; he doesn’t imagine the Indonesian Nazi-themed café where staff dress in Waffen-SS uniforms and interrogate punters would work in Manchester (or anywhere really), and Sleuth would rather sit in an asbestos-themed café than Shoreditch’s cat emporium (last time Sleuth went near a cat he sneezed himself into an alternative reality).

So when Sleuth showed up at Affleck’s Palace at 9am this week, imagine his surprise to find the new cereal café closed for breakfast. A cereal café… closed for breakfast? How queer. Sleuth’s day didn’t get any better, the bank closed at 9am and his dinner reservation was moved from 8pm in the restaurant to 3am... at home.

Black Milk - closed for breakfastBlack Milk - closed for breakfast


There’s action down on Brown Street. Psychedelic crustaceans are up and workers are in at the new premises of another London-based new-to-Manchester brand, Burger & Lobster. Part of the Goodman steakhouses group (Hawksmoor’s main rival down there for very best cow), there’s no menu, Nebraskan beef £20, Nova Scotian lobster £20, that’s your lot. Vegetarians be damned. Though Sleuth had never realised the size of the operation before, a chirpy builder informed nosey Sleuth that the restaurant would seat 250 people - some 80 more than expected. "When will it be finished?" quizzed Sleuth. "Not for another twenty weeks at least," said the builder, "So you'll have to get to Blackpool if you want lobster." Sleuth doesn't reckon the builder's ever been to Blackpool.

Burger & Lobster on Brown StreetBurger & Lobster on Brown Street

To prove just how big the new restaurant will be, Sleuth took this generic photo of an entrance, an empty room and the back of a builder...

Burger & LobsterBurger & Lobster and the back of a builder


Sleuth was in Superstore on Tib Street on Saturday because Koffee Pot hadn't opened yet. He had a dish of oxtail, curried braised oxtail, dumplings and a sauce so wintery rich and thick you could have hired snowshoes and walked over the thing. Get this if you're up there. Lovely dumplings... ooh madam. 

Oxtail and dumplings

Oxtail and dumplings


"Hello," said Sleuth, "you've got a big face." The best place to view this marvellous mural in the Northern Quarter is Church Street carpark. Sleuth wants to know who did it. Any answers to this conundrum.

Hello, darling

Hello, darling


This goes to Liam Scholes and his mum who went to Sale High School for World Book Day in a grey suit and armed with cable ties, mask and slicked back hair. He went as Christian Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey. His mum said it was just a laugh and in any case one teacher came dressed as Dexter, the fictional serial killer. Poor Liam was excluded from school activities that day. Sleuth says to schools over World Book Day: be careful what you wish for. Sleuth also hears Liam Scholes as Christian Grey was placed in detention with the Marquis de Sade, Anais Nin, O and that fresh-faced young pup, Kimmy Sutra.


This was it. Deansgate: Sleuth suddenly realised he’d reached a fork in the road.

It's an existential moment

It's an existential moment


After the fork in the road Sleuth saw this dreadful incident which was also witnessed by a cow jumping over the moon.

Shocking incident

Shocking incident


Sleuth loves the £6.6bn start of devolution for Greater Manchester with the handing over of the NHS budget. Some people such as Artist Taxidriver disagrees. He did this Youtube clip which starts of funny and then...well...see for yourself. Idiot. 


Sleuth was at the launch of the Spanish film festival ¡Viva! at Cornerhouse on Thursday. The opening movie was a hilarious bit of slapstick from Santi Amodeo who was present. Quien Mata Bambi? (Who killed Bambi?) is a very funny comedy of errors and Sleuth says get in on one of these showings (click here). It was a very arty crowd at the opening. One scene featured Andrés Iniesta, the Spanish World Cup winner, lying face down on a football pitch straightening the grass. At the after show party, Sleuth mentioned this to several people. People hadn’t recognised him, “Who is he?” they said. Ah yes, thought Sleuth, the unbridgeable divide between the arts and football. 

Andres Iniesta, Barcelona, Spain and the Cornerhouse

Andres Iniesta, Barcelona, Spain and the Cornerhouse

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12 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousMarch 6th 2015.

You mention in passing the NQ Church Street car park as a viewing point. Well, it may be a decent viewing point, but does the Prime Minister agree with me that its a lamentable structure, a disgrace to the City and should be demolished as quickly as possible, and replaced by.....well let's have a debate. A decent public square for the NQ.?

4 Responses: Reply To This...
JoanMarch 6th 2015.

I agree it ain't pretty, but I'm not sure why the owners of a profitable multi-storey car park would want to replace it with a non-profit-making public square. And it's their choice. Whilst I can't speak for the PM, I guess this is one of the rare occasions when we might be in agreement.

Poster BoyMarch 6th 2015.

You should refer the matter to his Honourable Friend, the member for Tatton and the Northern Powerhouse. Sorted. Top.

AnonymousMarch 9th 2015.

The owners of the car park should be made to take measures to fight the anti social behaviour that takes place there.

Paul SoanesMarch 10th 2015.

You cannot beat a walk past a foul smelling drunkard homeless parasite on a Tuesday morning going to work without realizing, this is the NQ in its real form. Their cathedral car park toilet and alleyways is their home, the fresh smelling urine in doorways, the chants of "Ave you got any spare change mate" ring in my *ucking ears every morning. Knock the car park down, but make sure the basteards are in it.

AnonymousMarch 6th 2015.

"Sleuth’s day didn’t get any better, the bank closed at 9am and his dinner reservation was moved from 8pm in the restaurant to 3am... at home." Is there actually any need for this tripe? It doesn't add the the story whatsoever nor is it even remotely amusing. Lame.

1 Response: Reply To This...
KateMarch 6th 2015.

I disagree, I always find Sleuth an entertaining read. There are plenty of other articles around that will cut to the chase and just give you facts and figures if that's what you want.

Joe LovanoMarch 6th 2015.

Re the "fork in the road", isn't that actually a pavement?

1 Response: Reply To This...
Paul SoanesMarch 12th 2015.

Has anybody seen my spoon, it was last spotted by a traffic warden on Tib st running towards Afflecks.....

AnonymousMarch 6th 2015.

I am boring when comes to food but the burger and lobster place leaves ne cold, as the steak & chips place on King Street did (Pizza Express now...).....When a crowd of us go out do we all want burger or lobster?????

1 Response: Reply To This...
AVOMarch 6th 2015.

Burger and Lobster seems to have done well in London, although that isn't to say it will do well up here. I went with a mate to the Mayfair one and we shared the lobster roll, burger and a grilled lobster. Food was awesome.

TimMarch 12th 2015.

Another burger bar, just what Manchester needs.

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