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SLEUTH: PM Visits Chop House | Artisan Cinebar | Pound Pub For Salford? | Pointless Interview

Week 1: Premiers, pints, pounds and pointlessness

Written by . Published on January 9th 2015.


SLEUTH: PM Visits Chop House | Artisan Cinebar | Pound Pub For Salford? | Pointless Interview
 

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

DAVID CAMERON AT ALBERT’S CHOP HOUSE

Sleuth hears that Prime Minister David Cameron dined at Albert’s Chop House on Thursday after some Northern boosterism in the afternoon (click here). He ate a starter of ‘Smoked Red Herring with a mild Liberal Sauce a la Nick Clegg’ (specially prepared by students working extra hours due to crushing tuition fees). His main was an ‘Edmillibean Burger’ that came without any relish at all, lacked credibility, and was topped with difficult to digest bacon. The Prime Minister finished the meal with an 'Eton Mess' to make him feel at home. He washed the meal down with a pint of bitter, a '100% Farage' from the USIP Piss-up-in-a-Brewery, which despite numerous gaffes in its production remains surprisingly popular. Prime Minister David Cameron insisted he only dine with Green Party members as he didn’t want to talk to any other political party.

ARTISAN CINEBAR & CRAZY NUMBERS...

Sleuth always knew Artisan - Living Ventures 12,000 sq ft warehouse of a restaurant in Spinningfields - had a high table turnover. But not this high. Sleuth's LV pal told him this week that in December the restaurant served 10,062 punters (not including bar customers) which, the pal reckoned, made it the 'busiest restaurant anywhere in Manchester and the busiest restaurant outside of London'. 335 covers a day will be tough to top. It was December, mind.

To capitalize and pull more passing punters in, Sleuth is told that building work on Artisan phase two will finally start later this month with eyes on a March 2015 opening. Sleuth hears there'll be another main ground floor bar with outside drinking terrace running up the ginnel (which Sleuth's sure will please Neighbourhood) and an all-new cinebar upstairs with yet another small bar linked to the Artisan restaurant by the second overhead passage. Multiple bars, dining and a cinema? Sleuth reckons all they need now is a Waxy O'Connor's and we've got ourselves a Spinningfields Printworks.

ArtisanArtisan

POUND PUB FOR SALFORD?

Sleuth found a shiny pound under his desk this week. “I’ll have that,” said Sleuth's colleague L’Oréal, swiping the quid. She was off to the Pound Pub in Atherton near Wigan, you see. It opened in May last year and drummed up a bit of controversy as the first dirt-cheap poundshop boozer in the North West. Here you can buy half a pint for a quid, a full pint for £1.50 and get bladdered for under a tennerVice magazine described the pub as the ‘lovechild of a miserable one-night stand between EasyJet (everything was orange) and Poundland (everything was cheap)’. Good line that. Sleuth heard rumours this week that Pound Pub owners have set their sights on Eccles next. Handy, thought Sleuth, who needs an ATM when you only need stick your hand down the side of the sofa for a night out in Salford.

Sleuth doesn't fancy getting stabbed in the happy sacks, mind.

Pound PubPound Pub

THE BBC'S MOST POINTLESS INTERVIEW OF THE WEEK

So Radio 4 had Manchester chef Mary-Ellen McTague in discussion with celebrity chef Yotam Ottolenghi this week. This was because Ottolenghi’s cookbook has sold far more in London than the rest of the country. “I’m not sure why it’s not sold as well in the North,” said McTague sounding confused as to the whole premise of the interview. “I don’t know why either,” said Ottolenghi, “although all my restaurants are in London and nowhere else.” Ah right, yep, there we go, that would be the reason, no need for the Radio 4 piece trying to make a big deal of sophisticated south east versus stupid rest of the country - all sorted in one sentence. Next week: Radio 4 debates why people in London tend to shop more frequently in high-class London department store Harrods than Northerners who live 200 miles away.

Ottolenghi's food in a London restaurant that's not in the NorthOttolenghi's food in a London restaurant that's not in the North

TEXTURE - JUST FEEL IT, YEAH?

Sleuth was in the Northern Quarter when he heard a voice. “Texture, coming soon, feel it,” it whispered. Sleuth felt a sudden urge to buy some perfume. That was back in 2014 when Confidential broke news that ‘bar-meets-nightclub-meets-fashion events space’ was to open up on Lever Street – it’s due to open early this year.

Sleuth's been warned that 'Shoreditch-style' is about to descend on Manchester. Though manager Kirk Paten assured Confidential the new bar was to be ‘pretension-free’, then passed Sleuth a drink containing Japanese Kangen water ice cubes which 'converts acidity in the body to alkalinity while providing superior hydration'...

SLEUTH'S HUGE FOOD NEWS

Sleuth was in Chorlton ironing his turnips and sprucing up his kumquats when he saw a poster announcing a new pizzeria called Double Zero on Barlow Moor Road that will feature a 'wood burning oven' and 'authentic Neapolitan pizzas'. Sleuth in a jiffy realised there was literally nothing else to say about this wonderful news, so quick as a flash, he decided to look up anagrams for the word pizza. The best one was 'zazip'. Sleuth so wishes a Zaziperia was opening instead.

New Zazipera for ChorltonNew Zazipera for Chorlton

'CHEAPEST SLAG IN MANCHESTER'

Sleuth popped into Under New Management (former-Corridor bar), the find-it-if-you-can cocktail bar hiding just over the Irwell in Salford. Looking at the beer menu, Sleuth was surprised to see 'SLAG's going for only £3.50. "It's the cheapest SLAG you'll find around these parts," said the bartender for the 73rd time that month. SLAG is a 5% Belgian pils beer with impressive head, a slightly orange hue and an abrupt finish.

Oo'erOo'er

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19 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

"Pound Pub in Atherton near Wigan" lazy journalism. Why do you need to put "near Wigan" its a reasonable sized town in its own right and its 7 miles to Wigan which isn't that near, given that this a North West based website

7 Responses: Reply To This...
EditorialJanuary 9th 2015.

Perhaps you're right Anon. We've offed Wigan. However, they're only 5 miles apart Anon, lazy cartography.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

because people like me have never heard of Atherton.

SteamyJanuary 9th 2015.

Who cares?

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

Lots of people wouldn't have heard of Atherton but will have heard of Wigan. I don't see anything wrong with trying to help people with the location. And five miles is plenty close enough. I live in Horwich which is 5 miles from Bolton and it is always described as outside Bolton.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

As in "Mike Atherton"?

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

In what way is it "lazy journalism", Anon 1? Surely it's quite the opposite - helping readers who may not know where it is (quite a few I imagine) understand. Pretty petty complaint really.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

It's "lazy journalism" as both the incorrect lines of "Atherton, near Wigan" and "Pound Pub, Salford" are errors lifted from the Manchester Evening News.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

Nobody who doesen't actually live in Atherton knows where it is, even people who used to live there have mentally erased their memories of it. Face facts blud.

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

Spinningfields is already the new Printworks. Watching an agressive bouncer search my 92 year old grandma's handbag when we went to Spinningfields one afternoon suggests it may be even worse.

2 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

Is this actually true? I've never seen anyone being searched in any of the bars at Spinningfields. Where are you talking about?

AnonymousJanuary 9th 2015.

Yes, it's wasn't one of the permanent bars though, it was to watch one of the outdoor events on the big screen.

CwJanuary 9th 2015.

I wonder if David took advantage of the chophouse's 50% off deal

Michael IngallJanuary 9th 2015.

Are there actually any restaurants in the printworks, and Sleuth you should know better, you said it yourself highers servinf RESTAURANT in Manchester, you didn't say bar, don't bother mate if you can't see the difference spinningfields is obviously not for you. We might charge you entry for Iberica to really piss you off. And as for the 92 lady whose hand bag was searched I apologise, drop me aline and we will buy the family dinner in spinningfields, but to ensure we don't become Printworks everyone's safety and security is very important to us, especially ladies, so I am sure I was a routine event night look in the bag as you would get in any public place, such museums and galleries.

2 Responses: Reply To This...
rinkydinkJanuary 9th 2015.

Think you're taking this a bit literally. And searching a 92 year old lady's handbag is never necessary surely. If she is with a dubious looking bunch, maybe fair enough but not if she was just with her presumably normal looking family. And those door staff on places like Grand Pacific are starting with these stupid blanket rules like "no trainers" which I hate. Are they really so stupid they can't spot a trouble maker when they see one, irrespective of footwear and stupid generalisations? This never used to happen and is typical at... the Printworks (so I'm told)

SquirrelitoJanuary 11th 2015.

been on the pop, Mike?

AnonymousJanuary 10th 2015.

My gran would have been hiding her stash in her big bag.....Also MOST people in Greater Manchester area WILL have heard of Atherton surely? Near WIGAN? Because in WIGAN Borough....I hate when read Whitefield in BURY...In Bury borough sure, but is M45....way more suburban and not part of that sh1tty little MILL TOWN....We have very lazy local press for sure..Also so many of these stories lifted from MEN or not???

2 Responses: Reply To This...
AnonymousJanuary 11th 2015.

Bury is nicer than Whitefield which is a cross between sink estates and a fake Cheshire. Dreadful place,awful shops and fake tan; It doesn't even have the saving grace of Heaton Park that Prestwich has. Also Atherton seems like a nice little Lancashire town to me. Didn't Bill Bryson say that when he went to Wigan from Mcr he was very impressed at how houseproud the people on that route were.

AnonymousJanuary 11th 2015.

many people in Manchester won't have heard of Atherton, I have but only because I know somebody from there who warned me never to go there. I did go to Bury once, wandered into the market, soon rushed out though as I didn't want to catch a disease.

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