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Rants of the week 09/01/2009

Some of the best of the last seven days of the funny, the mad and the meaningful from our readers

Published on January 8th 2009.


Some of the comments have been edited for space or grammatical reasons.

Funniest rant of the week

,Story: The Vote - Terry Christian, ambassador or embarrassment?
Where we asked you to judge Manchester’s man with the words from the Word on Celebrity Big Brother.

Anonymous says: He is a dick.

Editorial says: Can we have a bit more intelligence in the rants than the first one here please?

Tom says: He's a clever dick.

Twisted museum rant of the week

Story: Hermit for Manchester Museum.
Manchester Museum is looking for an artist to live as a hermit and these were your thoughts.

BB says: Can we wall up the whole cast of half-famous Celebrity Big Brother in there and then brick it up and take away the cameras? That way we'd just have their desperate faces squashed against the tower windows as they starve. Proper reality. Forget the TV. Liven up the bus journeys along Oxford Road.

Sneezewatch rant of the week

Story: Manchester 250 story about sneeze DVDs.
This was about how pupils at Broad Oak Primary in Didsbury are being shown a DVD about safer sneezing. An eagle-eyed reader spotted this gent outside Manchester’s administrative centre.

Michael West says: Sneezing Safety - spotted today - Sir Richard Leese blowing into a silky red hanky outside the town hall.

Business speak rants of the week

Story: Blue Sky Bloody Thinking.
This was the story about the useless jargon business folk.

Anonymous says: I have a boss that likes me to "action" things, rather than "do" them. He never sends me an e-mail, he'll either "fire off", "whizz over" or most recently "ping me" an e-mail. He is also a big fan of "touching base", "giving me a heads up" and going for the "lowest hanging fruit". Everything is FYI. He never uses people's names in e-mails, just their initials, which means I have to guess who he is talking about, or work it out by going to the company website and doing a search. His worst habit of all however, is not specifically his corporate guff, but the way he stretches the definition of the word "urgent". I'm not exaggerating when I say he thought making sure I signed someone's birthday card was a matter of URGENCY! If something is urgent, the whole e-mail is CAPS. And lastly, rather than saying "by Tuesday" he prefers "cob Tues". (close of business, Tuesday) He also signs off e-mails with his initial.

Leigh says: I had a sales boss who once came in to the meeting room screaming that we were all crap and that we needed to demonstrate some "bouncbackability" in order to get through the rest of the month...I choked on my coffee and was consequently asked to leave the room.

Jon G says: I had a superball once which had loads of bouncebackability.

Most terrifying suggestions for bar names

Story: Food and Drink Round-up 08/01/2009.
These rants are about the fact that Barca has closed – a bar once part-owned by Mick Hucknall.

Trevor Keegan says: Barca was always horrible. Cramped and damp smelling. Although that may have been Mick Hucknall's crotch.

James Patterson says: Mick Hucknall's crotch. Now that's a name for a bar.

Tina Marchsal says: What about Morrissey's Knob? As a name for a bar that is?

Best gracious acceptance of awful review

Story: Great Kathmandu review.
This is where Jonathan Schofield was very critical of a famous Manchester restaurant particularly the service. This is the reply, on the site, from the owner. Now why can’t everybody be like that?

Buda says: Thanks for the review. I am glad that you have highlighted the issues you have experienced and I for one would like to say that all of your points have been noted. We are currently undergoing a major revamp and I feel that with the constructive criticism of our patrons we can only improve the level of service and cuisine that we have become renowned for. The problems stem from the expansion of the restaurant to incorporate a second floor. We are aware of this and we are looking at ways of improving the situation. Please feel free to provide feedback to any of our members of staff. Many customers are unwilling to let us know what they really think no matter how small it might be. This can lead to complacency - how can you address an issue if you don't even know it's there? Once again thank you for highlighting the key points in your review.

The rant that addresses the great issues before mankind

Story: Great Kathmandu review.
In which Jonathan Schofield laid into the West Didsbury favourite.

Is it just me who wondered about the spelling says: Papadam, papaddam, papadom, papadum, papodam, papodum, popadam, popadom, poppadam, poppadom, poppadum, poppodam, puppadum, puppodam, puppodum. However, there is nothing to say that you cannot use the unlisted spellings papodom, popadum, poppodom, poppodum, puppadam, puppadom, and puppodom. Take your pick. ”

The seriously thought through rant of the week

Story: Bye bye black sheep.
This was the story about the way the older fairy tales are being superseded by new less ‘graphic, violent and old fashioned’ stories such as The Hungry Caterpillar.

Thoroughbred Manc says: Oh dear God. Is this where we're headed as a culture? No, it's not even culture. Culture is supposed to cultivate humankind's inner nature by means of the imagination. Fairy tales aren't supposed to be translated literally - they're symbolic - metaphors - for crying out loud. They're not supposed to be literalised and reduced to surface appearance alone: they speak to the deeper levels of the human psyche from where they originated. Stories are storehouses - they make a community of symbols and are psychodiagnostic. We find ourselves in stories. Are people really so obtuse? Is this how one-dimensional society really is? Ooh, this stuff infuriates me. For anyone interested, Marie Louise von Franz (a student of psychologist Carl G. Jung) has a book called 'The Interpretation of Fairy Tales'. It's heady, but provides a fascinating psychological insight into many of the traditional fairytales.

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Mark Garner, The PublisherJanuary 8th 2009.

Blinkin' 'eck Ms. Euphrates, I will be dining out on you in later years.

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