Welcome to Manchester Confidential
Reset Password
The Confidential websites will be undergoing routine updates. This may cause the sites to go offline. We apologise in advance for any inconvenience.

You are here: Manchester ConfidentialSleuth.

Permanent Cinema For Spinningfields, Camels In Old Trafford, Prince In MCR Bar

Sleuth Wk 51: Absurdity, Mayhem, Truth, Dromedaries

Written by . Published on December 20th 2013.

Permanent Cinema For Spinningfields, Camels In Old Trafford, Prince In MCR Bar

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Cinema For Spinningfields

Artisan, the Living Ventures restaurant in Spinningfields (pictured above) is to get a cinema. Tim Bacon of the company said: "It’ll be a small cinema room upstairs with a capacity no more than fifty I imagine. It will be open most days with a mix of activities in a boutique setting, from supporting local film-making talent with an annual short film festival, though to screenings of the latest blockbusters and major sporting events. It will open around May." Bacon is Australian so Sleuth is pleased that a current horror movie will be unavailable for broadcast. English sports fans have been looking through their fingers at the horror show called 'The Ashes Down Under' this winter. 

Sir Sleuth And The Prince

Sir Sleuth went to the Kaltenberg tent next to Long Bar in Spinningfields on Thursday. Dapper, charming Prince Luitpold of Bavaria had requested an audience as he recognised Sleuth as the only truly regal personality in the city. After a brief conversation on dynastic matters Prince Luitpold then did a beer demonstration of his range of Kaltenberg beers - his family own the company. They also own the castle that features in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. "So," asked Sleuth, "is that how you got over from Bavaria - in a flying car?" "No," said the Prince.

Gallant Sir Sleuth And The Prince

During the demonstration the Prince said, "I have seen the markets in Manchester and Christmas is quite different in Germany." Gallant Sir Sleuth suddenly had doubts about the authenticity of Manchester's famed 'German' market. "We need to drink more beer like you do," continued the Prince, before informing us that in his brewery employees get six litres of beer to take home every day. In that case how can they fit in more beer, wondered gallant Sir Sleuth. 

It's a big glass - the Prince isn't that small


It's a big glass - the Prince isn't that small

Noble, gallant, dashing Sir Sleuth And That Prince Again

The Prince told noble, gallant, dashing Sir Sleuth how an ancestor of his, Prince Rupert, had fought for King Charles I in the English Civil War. Noble, gallant, dashing Sir Sleuth told the Prince how there's a plaque in Didsbury about how Prince Rupert rode through the suburb but avoided Manchester centre which was Parliamentarian and too tough for him. Instead he went onto Bolton where he massacred 1,600 men.

Later noble, gallant, dashing Sir Sleuth mused how Prince Rupert had believed that kings and princes ruled by direct divine authority. Sleuth wasn't sure whether Prince Rupert would approve of a royal descendent promoting beer in Manchester. The triumph of democracy eh? The fall of monarchies.

Camels In Old Trafford 

 Elaine ElandSleuth was wandering the streets of Old Trafford this Tuesday. He found three camels. "What, why, who and where?" asked Sleuth, a man who doesn't like to waste words. "Last year we had a donkey in St John's Centre in Old Trafford," said Elaine Eland. "Thought I'd go one better this time, googled camels for hire and found a company in the Midlands run by a man called Joseph who hires them out. Some of the Christians here were nervous about re-enacting the three wise men through the streets of Old Trafford, but we celebrate all faiths."

Sleuth thought the camels looked magnificent. Great idea. So what about next year? "I'm thinking of a flock of sheep," said Elaine.

The camels of Old Trafford

The camels of Old Trafford

Camels And Manchester City Fans

Sleuth had tweeted he was off to see three camels in Old Trafford. A City fan tweeted back, 'Make a change from the eleven donkeys at Old Trafford'. Then another four thousand City fans tweeted the same thing and then retweeted each other's tweets till the whole of Twitter exploded in a cloud of light blue. 

Sleuth's Least Effective Banning Order Of The Week

Sleuth got this police report. 'A man has been given a football banning order for ticket touting outside the Etihad Stadium. Neil Cunningham of Cross Street, Sale has been banned from football grounds for three years, which includes not being within 300 metres of Manchester City's home ground.' Sleuth wonders if that's far enough. 300m is less than three Man City pitches distance from the ground. 
Superintendent Dean Howard said: "This shows we take a zero tolerance approach to touting." Zero tolerance to close proximity touting maybe. 301m - go on lad, 299m - you're under arrest.

Sleuth And The Terrible Accident At Tram Station

Shocking this. 

Oh no


Oh no

Sleuth And The City Of 200 Tongues

Research earlier this year from the University of Manchester claimed that there could be up to 200 languages spoken in the city. This means Manchester boasts the densest multilingual population for its size in the UK. Researchers claim this makes Manchester the third most multicultural city in the world after Paris and New York. Apparently more than 50% of the city's population is multilingual. Sleuth is taking the Confidential staff out for the company Christmas do at 1.30pm today (Friday 20 December). By 6pm all the staff will be multilingual.

Sleuth And The Angel Of Doom

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street by policemen, concierges, Tim Bacon, The Ashes team, Princes from Germany, six litres of beer, camels, touts and all the white men painted on pavements in the world, and asked: "Have you got a frightening picture of a angel of death to get us into the Christmas spirit?"

"Why yes," says Sleuth, "I was up the Town Hall Clock Tower this Wednesday and saw this frightening Angel of Death-like figure carved by Farmer and Brindley in the 1870s, but it might be an Angel of Life or indeed a sculpture of Angel Rangel who plays for Swansea City."

And to prove this he showed the policemen, concierges, Tim Bacon, The Ashes team, Princes from Germany, six litres of beer, camels, touts and all the white men painted on pavements in the world, this picture.

Angel of Something

Angel of Something

"And would this angel just be for Christmas?" asked all the people, animals and inanimate objects.

"No," said Sleuth, running to the pub.

Like what you see? Enter your email to sign up for our newsletters which are chock-a-block with more great reviews, news, deals and savings.

AnonymousDecember 20th 2013.

Something Wim Wenders (Wings of Desire)about that Angel

To post this comment, you need to login.Please complete your login information.
Or you can login using Facebook.

Latest Rants


Looks like Daisy Mill in Longsight is for the chop too. This time MCC own the building and are…

 Read more

The initial plan, by all concerned, was always to save & redevelop Ancoats Dispensary though wasn't…

 Read more

That's perfectly true, but for various reasons not relevant to the original point. I'm happy to…

 Read more

I'll try again..of course it won't, it's not listed so it will go. The fact that it is elegant,…

 Read more

Explore The Site

© Mark Garner t/a Confidential Direct 2021

Privacy | Careers | Website by: Planet Code | SEO by The eWord