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Best Tea in MCR, Milton Club Opens, Dockyard Opens, Lovely Bishops

Sleuth 51: absurdity, craziness, truth, sanctuary

Written by . Published on December 13th 2013.

Best Tea in MCR, Milton Club Opens, Dockyard Opens, Lovely Bishops

SleuthSleuthSleuth is a sideways glance at the city every week, it's the truth, but Sleuth's truth. He's several people all at once. We give £25 for every story/rumour and piece of absurdity you find for us to publish. Sleuth sometimes even gets serious. We ask for the money back if any legal action follows. Follow Sleuth on twitter @mcrsleuth

Milton Club Opens

Full report next week about this place but new members of staff Niamh and L’Oreal went along to the formal opening on Thursday of The Milton Club and were fed champagne by Gordo who was on a mission to drink ALL the drink in Manchester. Niamh described the Deansgate members bar to Sleuth. “The Milton Club is a very grand space with a good range of drinks which were ALL drunk by Gordo." The Fat One had attempted a similar thing the previous week. When he got back dizzy to his apartment he'd emptied his sock draw and put several pairs in the lift. He then forgot he’d done this. He only remembered when on his way to work he found said socks ascending and descending with all the other people in the apartment block. Sleuth has talked to several psychiatrists about this and after thinking about it for a minute they all broke down in tears.

Milton Club Interior

Milton Club Interior

Bishop David Walker #God

Sleuth hasn’t meet the new Bishop of Manchester, David Walker, yet, but Sleuth's a little bit in love with him already. The new man has a beard like a Biblical patriarch, is in favour of women bishops, only ever wears sandals whatever the weather and has a twitter address which is @BishManchester What’s not to love?



The Best Tea In Manchester

Best teaBest teaSleuth was at Proper Tea, the new teashop at the Cathedral. He had an exquisite Indian Chai tea, exquisitely presented, complete with timer to let you know when it was ready and honey to sweeten it. He recognised the woman serving as well: it was co-owner Yvette Fielding, famous for her Most Haunted TV spookathons. "I think I need to get to know how the business works in all its aspects," said Fielding. Charming woman with clearly the right idea about her new venture. Her partner in Proper Tea is Gary McClarnananananananan (Sleuth is sure that is how the name is spelt) of Teacup in the Northern Quarter. 

Yvette Fielding on service

Yvette Fielding on service

Sleuth’s Christmas Bounty

Sleuth loves this time of year in the ligger life of a writer. Here’s a picture of just some of the drink people have sent to make him drink irresponsibly and become fuzzy while promoting them. The beer bottles are from Brightside brewery in Radcliffe, a fabulous micro with some great booze including the lovely blonde ale, Odin. Pictured here also is the 80% proof Bootlegger, white grain spirit. Who sent this to Sleuth and why, Sleuth has forgotten. So while not brilliant in terms of promotion Sleuth would still like to say thanks.

Drink irresponsibly campaign

Drink irresponsibly campaign

Dockyard Bar Opens At MediaCityUK

Man about town (and Glossop), Thom Hetherington said to Sleuth at the Thursday launch of Dockyard (main picture at the top of the page), “This is going to smash it, just what MediaCity needs, a proper bar.” Sleuth has to agree. It’s a fine place and a winner, a clever transformation of a glass office box with lumps of heavy industrial timber, like the pilings of a waterfront, and with a very grand bar.

The owner and operator Steve Pilling, who also runs Damson restaurant at MediaCity, took Sleuth into the toilets and showed Sleuth his magnificent fixtures and fittings. They were very impressive in scale. The sliding door looking like something from a container was excellent.

“Did you start this launch event at 4.30pm so you could get all the BBC people here before they got the train back to London?” asked Sleuth. “Cheeky,” said Steve before adding with a wink, “come and look at my big full barrels of ale.” These turned out to be from Brightside brewery, mentioned above. The 80% proof bottle of Bootlegger remains a mystery.

Steve Pilling performing in his impressive toilets

On reflection: Steve Pilling performing in his impressive toilets 

Statistical Unsurprise On Economic Figures

Sleuth was pleased to receive the Manchester Monitor report the other week which trumpeted the fact that Greater Manchester’s contribution to the economy of the North West is just under 40%. Then Sleuth wondered what the population of Greater Manchester was as a proportion of the North West’s total population. Greater Manchester has 2,682,000, the North West 7,052,000. So 38% then. So almost 40% contribution from almost 40% of the population. No need for trumpets perhaps.

IKEA Flatpack Hijack With A Table Called Lack

Sleuth loves a weekly Metrolink story. But this isn’t a complaint. Instead Ikea Manchester (aka IKEA Ashton-u-Lyne) has created a pop-up IKEA lounge in the station mezzanine at Piccadilly to celebrate the recently opened new Metrolink line to Ashton-under-Lyne. To quote: ‘The pop up space provides a comfortable area for commuters and shoppers to relax, complete with iconic IKEA furniture such as the KLIPPAN sofa, POANG chair and LACK table – and – because it’s Christmas, IKEA’s festive rocking reindeer.’ Sleuth has no idea what any of that furniture is – when you buy a LACK table do you only get the chairs?

IKEA Voucher Today

With reference to the story above, between 7am-9pm today (Friday) at the Ikea Lounge people can get a £5 voucher to spend in store ‘as well as Swedish treats’. For some reason the phrase ‘Swedish treats’ is putting rude images of 1970s’ movies in Sleuth’s head.  Sleuth also thinks vouchers from IKEA is one way of getting Chorlton and Didsbury folk to Ashton. Perhaps the only way.

IMG_5870Email18Where are the 'Swedish treats?'

Sleuth’s Christmas Markets Sign Of The Week

Now, dear readers, which word is spelt incorrectly?

Run that by me again?

Run that by me again?

Gorgeous Views Of The City

Every seven days or so Sleuth is stopped in the street by policemen, concierges, trams, Gordo, bishops, Odin, Swedish Treats, Yvette Fielding and all the staff of IKEA and asked: "Have you got a beautiful twilight picture of Manchester taken from north of the city?"

"Why yes," says Sleuth, "This was taken from the Impossible Stair, near the Improbable Hill. There's a story going up about these places next week on Confidential."

And to prove this he showed the policemen, concierges, trams, Gordo, bishops, Odin, Swedish Treats, Yvette Fielding and all the staff of IKEA , this picture.

Manchester profiled

Manchester profiled

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rinkydinkDecember 13th 2013.


1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousDecember 19th 2013.

I'm sure you're aware that that is someone's name, right? And I'm sure that you wouldn't sit on your throne mocking other peoples' names, would you.

AnonymousDecember 13th 2013.

Not sure why that Christmas market sign is misspelled - I ordered a Weissbier and got a reply of "Wassat?" in broadest Mancunian from the barmaid.

1 Response: Reply To This...
AnonymousDecember 14th 2013.

Therein lies your answer

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