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Gordo’s Bits and Bobs

In which the greatest living Englishman eats at Obsidian, munches crabs, gets Turkish delight, drinks with Tories and scares Liverpool

Published on September 25th 2009.


Gordo’s Bits and Bobs

Obsidian
Obsidian had a press party to showcase its new look and food. Gordo wasn’t really interested to be fair, the place has got tired and the chef over the past couple of years has let the place slide. Schofield, on hearing the Fat One whingeing from the other side of the office, interrupted to say that he was going to do an official review in October as he had been for a lunch there and it turned out there was a new chef in place, an old Confidential mate Bryn Evans. The world’s oldest sixth former was singing his praises, so Gordo went after all.

On the evening, Gordo found himself sharing a table with the Crain’s boys, Michael Fahy and Simon ‘I’ve been to New York me’ Binns. Binns and Rambo, Confidential’s commercial director, found out that they had both been to New York recently and bored the arse off the table trying to score points against each other on where they had eaten. Gordo discovered that one of his favourite ‘mixalotologists’, Tom, was running the bar and ordered a Vodka Martini with a twist, which you shouldn’t do in the middle of dinner mixing it with wine. The rest followed suit with the evening ending with Rambo ordering Tequila slammers all round with laddered tights and Gordo suffering a twenty minute sneezing fit and passing out in the corner.

The food, however, was top end. Gordo is including a few pictures and, whilst he is typing this up, Yousaf, our Sales Director has just returned from the place having twisted the arms off the manager David Potts to do a ManCon mega deal next month, so keep your eyes open, it’s well worth the trouble. If you go in the meantime, try the 52 degrees duck starter. It’s a top five dish.

Hope Street Hotel Liverpool.
Gordo was over in Liverpool on Monday evening for the Liverpool Food and Drink festival, the inaugural event as it happens. Gordo’s pal, Paul Askew, the chef proprietor of The London Carriage Works had invited him to stay in the hotel ‘next door’, The Hope Street, in the brand new wing on the first floor. It’s better than ever, with a fabulous bed, a picture of which is knocking about on here..

The bathroom is large, with floor to ceiling windows overlooking trendy Hope Street and the Ego restaurant, a branch of which is to open next door to Piccolinos here on Albert Square shortly. There were twenty or so diners in the front window as early as six o’clock, so they must be doing something right. Gordo got his kit off, took a dump, had a shave and then used the rain shower. Fab that was. Something must have been going on in the floors above his as all twenty diners across the road were staring at the Hotel with open mouths. May well be someone about to jump out of a window, Gordo was thinking, standing legs apart staring at them. Then he realised. They were staring right back at him. The glass wasn’t one of those clever one way things.

Restaurant Tip
It’s been there for one hundred and sixty years, it’s Turkish and it’s just been refurbished, and it’s really rather good. The little Belgian delight, Bernard Carroll has been doing the designs, you can tell by the use of red linen all over the gaff. There is a nice bar area now and it’s all a good deal more comfy. It’s good value and there is a full Gordo review in October. In the meantime, give it a try; a couple of beers and a small plate of starters are hard to beat. Oh, I’m talking Cafe Istanbul on Bridge Street.

Supplier Tip
Gordo bought some shellfish off the Anglesey shellfish man in Chinatown last Sunday. He is there every Sunday and the produce is live. Two (female) lobsters, two cock crabs and a bunch of razor clams, £35. Get in. The lobsters were served retro in a cocktail sauce, the two crabs turned into a Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall sweet and sour crab on toast affair which worked perfectly. The razor clams were thrown into a pan with olive oil, chopped chillies, garlic and a big slug of wine. Hugh again. One minute, sheer heaven. Read about the shellfish boys by clicking here.

Dish of the week.
Gordo’s missus, Cat, is learning and the dish of the week is dead simple. She brought a meaningful lump of Brock Blue, an English goats cheese very reminiscent of Roquefort but less fatty and a bit snappier. Gordo is now addicted to It, try some from Harvey Nichols deli counter.

The Conservatives.
Tuesday night sees Gordo wining and dining the organisers of the Tory Party Conference, coming to our fair city in early October. We were at the Gaucho Grill, which was outstanding. The delightful Drew Stokes, from Marketing Manchester joined us as did the Mancon editor Schofield, who fell in love with our waitress Dawn, something that happens quite a lot. (Are you referring to my open admiration for her efficiency? Ed)

It was a good story telling night, but one of Gordo’s favourites, about Conservative politicians, didn’t have time for an airing.

In another life, Gordo used to own his own TV station in Holland called Red Hot Dutch. It came on at Midnight and you can guess the content, Gordo has a talent for picking out self-descriptive names. When they found out, The Daily Mail were horrified with the idea of a fat, red-headed Englishman covered in freckles showing naked people having sex, on TV.

Page after page would be written about how moving pictures of naked people engaging in ‘pure filth’ (sex to the rest of us) would turn every English male into an evil rapist. With each page of horror, tens of thousands of subscribers would melt the phone lines of the UK sales office here in Manchester begging to subscribe. John Major, Prime Minister at the time, agreed with The Mail and spent the next two years using the same laws that forced Radio Caroline, the pirate radio ship to close in the sixties, against Gordo and Red Hot.

Gordo found himself visiting Parliament to stand before the media committee to give evidence. Gordo was confident that he was legal. The European Broadcasting Act states quite clearly that what is given a licence to broadcast in one member country of the Union was legal in all others. In fact, Gordo thinks another Tory Prime Minister signed it; Ted Heath.

And now, dear reader, we can get to the point finally. Gordo was being chaperoned on his visit by an MP whose name was Michael Fabricant. Michael wore the worst example of any wig anywhere in the world. It looked like someone had caught a rat, skinned it, left it in a bucket of bleach overnight and finally, pegged it to his ears. It was bright, nicotine yellow. If he walked past a school, the kids did a runner thinking the child catcher actually existed.

Strolling down a long corridor to have a quick snifter, Gordo and Fabricant went to move to one side to allow none other than Ted Heath himself go past – the former PM had either just come back from the dentist after difficult root canal surgery, or was pissed.

“Is that you, Fabricant?” asks Ted the sailor.

“Yes Sir,” replies Fabbers, his chest puffed up with pride.

“Is that a wig you’re wearing?”

Silence. Chest deflates.

“Err, yes sir,stutters Fabbers.

“Not a very good one is it?”

Sleuth is away. He’s picking blackberries as part of a charitable scheme to build bridges between communities through the application of juicy seasonal produce.

Follow Gordo on twitter GordoManchester

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9 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

johnthebriefSeptember 25th 2009.

The thought of seeing Gordo in his full unmoderated glory while eating, has just about made me lose my breakfast. Good tip about Cafe Istanbul, always a reliable option. I'll have to go have a look at their new decor.

jibberSeptember 25th 2009.

for middle eastern cuisine you can't beat Petra behind the MRI. By far the best in town- and the cheapest!

Jodie PriestSeptember 25th 2009.

Has Liverpool Confidential been closed down after what happened in that bathroom?

AnonymousSeptember 25th 2009.

Cafe Istanbul is a poor but more expensive imitation of Turkish Delight in Chorlton. Lovely staff, great food and great value. It wins hands down.

Bryn EvansSeptember 25th 2009.

Still doing 2 courses for £15 which are based off the al a carte and sundays are still 2 courses for £10! Surely they are good enough for you northern geezer??

NorthernGeezerSeptember 25th 2009.

The rest of us are waiting to see the Obsidian offer Bryn.

Elena KSeptember 25th 2009.

Funny man this one. Can he take me out for dinner.

east lancsSeptember 25th 2009.

And I thought only Manchester got to see his bits n bobs!

bryn evansSeptember 25th 2009.

Well said Gordo! so I have to wait another month for the review?

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