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Gordo: Naked and Proud

Sleuth's away, here's Gordo’s Bits and Bobs

Written by . Published on April 9th 2010.


Gordo: Naked and Proud

Carluccio's
Credit where credit is due. Carluccio's, in Spinningfields, has been up for the worst service in Manchester award. They specialise in staring at the till with their back to the room and getting the smelliest chef in the world to strip down and do a body wash in the customers' bog. Gordo was so pissed off with it that he gave the area manager an earful and started to write a piece tearing them apart.

The management was moved around the following day; Gordo went in without being aware of this three days later and discovered a completely revitalised team. After three more visits, he can announce without reservation that they are one of the best teams in Manchester now.

By the way, try one of their pies on the deli counter. Gordo had the best chicken pie he has eaten since Dave Whelen, the Wigan FC Chairman, flew some of his Pooles Pies into Palma for lunch on his private jet.

Chicken Pie

Selfridges chocolate
WTF? Gordo had to buy this bar of chocolate in the much depleted Selfridges' food hall. It was 11 quid. Yes, eleven smackeroonies. Selfridges may well have the poorest PR department in Manchester since his niece left, but by the gods can they charge for chocolate. Gordo bought a discounted pack of his favourite, M&M's peanuts, to see which was the best value. The M&M’s won hands down. Maybe if the management were a bit more sensible in the food picks, they wouldn’t have finished up with what is arguably the poorest and most decimated food and drink proposition in the city.

Eleven QuidForty Nine Pence

The Arsehole at the Radisson
Gordo has been frequenting the Alto bar in his pal Stephen Miles’Radisson Edwardian hotel. It's really good for a hangover busting all day breakfast and watching the footie. Last week found Gordo watching the United/Chelsea game, with Confidential’s very own Fuhrer, Helen ‘Rambo’ Ramsbottom, who was rotten with a hangover. Sat at the bar, she looked up and nearly fell off her seat laughing. Now, take a look at the picture of the light fittings above the bar in Alto… Ok, guess what this is at the Radisson

Steve Martin
Two hours into a drinking session with Steve Martin at The Lowry, Gordo’s pal from his Beverly Hills days looked around the room at some class totty.

"Hey, Gordo, you know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Black Dog Ballroom
“So Gordo,” asks Ross Mackenzie, joint owner of the Black Dog Ballroom, prior to nipping down to Tinsel Town to get all sticky. “What are you going to do with your sales campaign for BDB on Confidential?”

“Explain to the outside world that it’s got bugger all to do with black dogs and it doesn’t have a fucking ballroom”, replies the chunky one.

Just at that point, Bruce the black dog jumped on Gordo’s knee. Seven hours later, Gordo was found unconscious under the pool table in, you guessed it - the ballroom…

Bruce with a bone

Gordo: Naked and Proud
Gordo thought he would treat the ladies, here he is, naked in bed at Gordo Towers.

>Gordo, nakedThat rainbow is gonna get a fine

The Council’s Plan
That nice young Vaughan Allen is now the Gaffer at Cityco, the people who are responsible for looking after well-being of our fair city centre. Towards the end of an hour long answer and question session in the Town Hall, Gordo woke to hear that plans were afoot to give out fixed penalty tickets for people weeing in public in the streets. Gordo made a mental note to include this in his budgeting for future pub crawls.

Complaints
Any complaints about Gordo’s column should be directed to either Rupert Murdoch or Cate Blanchette, neither of whom are returning Gordo’s calls currently. That Cate is a cheeky cow, she told Gordo she wasn’t married.

Follow Gordo on twitter GordoManchester

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13 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

Harvey PApril 9th 2010.

Er...right.

Still PissedApril 9th 2010.

Still pissed from the night before?....remember children, dont drink and write.

emmawhitefieldApril 9th 2010.

Erm....gordo...are you drunk? Or am I?!
x

HarrietApril 9th 2010.

Schofield has to be away. Mind you, I read it to the end. I feel strange, a shower may well sort me out. Gordo, Gordo Gordo...

Lord of the PiesApril 9th 2010.

Ah Gordo, What are you like!

NortherngeezerApril 9th 2010.

Always was a pretentious twat that Dave Whelen.

NeedtoknowbasisApril 9th 2010.

Oh lord....

AnonymousApril 9th 2010.

Oh Lord indeed - what the hell's happened to the site again??!! Even more confusing than before

AnonymousApril 9th 2010.

you have been able to donate £60 for pissing in the street for a long time now: get in touch if you want to do it and I will arrange a warden(and a photo shoot)
Welcome to Vaughan Allen at City Co but for a long time now they have only represented the commercial interests (after all they pay the sub) and not the 20 000 employees or the 17 000 residents or the 2 million shoppers and the 100 000 partygoers. We will continue the fight for a city centre for everyone.

AnonymousApril 9th 2010.

Who will continue to fight for a city centre for everyone? Just wondering

John14798April 11th 2010.

This really illustrates why I loathe the council so much - problem: late night revellers pissing in the streets, answer: not provide somewhere for them to relieve themselves but instead employ some more neo-nazi jobsworths to fine them. Pathetic

taking the peeApril 16th 2010.

John you've obviously not seen the portable urinals that are all over Piccadilly every weekend - and have been there for years. Also, last time I checked there were toilets in every single bar and club in the city. I could, of course, be wrong. Have you any suggestions about what else could be done?

Phil Burke, City CentreApril 20th 2010.




Manchester Pub & Club Network
Bootle Street Police Station Petition

As most of you will be aware there has been discussions and plans to basically close down the police station at Bootle Street. The plan is to have everything shifted to outside of the City Centre and for Bootle Street to close completely

And when a new location is identified it will offer an enquiry desk facility only (with interview rooms).

From speaking to the members it is apparent that this is a hugely unpopular decision, and it is our responsibility and duty to inform the powers that be of our dissatisfaction

With the amount of focus currently being put on the night time economy by higher government as well as local officers, tied in with the increased risk of terrorist attacks and alerts that we all now have to live with, it would seem like madness to remove what is and would be the focal point for dealing with and managing these crucially important tasks.

Also with the majority of our police officers based outside of the city will this not hugely effect not only response times, but also the time involved in arresting / charging and locking up individuals when they have to take them so much further afield.

If you agree that Bootle Street is a vital part of the City Centre and therefore should remain a fully operational centre for GMP then please sign this petition, as well as emailing your local councillor.

Also under the New Policing pledge it states that the police will listen to the views of the public, so therefore we call on both the chief constable and the Police Authority to consider our above views

This petition will be forwarded to other business sectors operating within the city centre, along with all local residents groups.

Hopefully combined we can convince the decision makers that Bootle Street needs to stay ,
join the FACEBOOK Group ( save bootle street police station from closure page) and sign the petition online today , we need all the support we can get ,

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