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Exclusive: United to hold Victory Parade

Location of Victory Parade revealed, Manchester to bring back Combination Laws, Police tired

Published on May 22nd 2008.

Exclusive: United to hold Victory Parade

Manchester Confidential can confirm that Manchester United will be holding a Victory Parade despite Council and Police claims that this would be too hard to organise.

A spokesperson said: “The 1799 laws forbidding people gathering in groups of three or more need to be brought back as we can't trust our own citizens to celebrate in an appropriate manner in their own city – even though that's exactly what thousands did last night.

The parade will begin at 10am on Saturday and follow a route through the Gobi Desert.

The decision follows Manchester City Council rushing through 200 year old Conspiracy Laws, in an emergency session in the City Arms last night. These will put a permanent stop to mass popular celebrations such as those attending Manchester United winning the European Cup.

A spokesperson said: “The 1799 laws forbidding people gathering in groups of three or more need to be brought back as we can't trust our own citizens to celebrate in an appropriate manner in their own city – even though that's exactly what thousands did last night. As a Labour Council we understand quite clearly that the working manc and womanc (as well as those on benefits) can't be trusted not to be beastly as evidenced by Glasgow Rangers fans.”

Until the UEFA Cup Final, Manchester City Council played in a rigid 4-4-2 formation with great success, but since then the strong spine of the team has succumbed to stress injuries - known to the medical profession as ruckus riotus hibernia. The team may now be relegated from large-scale sporting celebrations.

Meanwhile the Police have also confirmed there would be no Victory Parade. “The problem is we're really tired after the Rangers' match last week,” said a spokesperson. “You know a lot of us had to stay up very late and that takes it out of you.”

Sergeant Pension told Confidential: “We have a new strategy over mass celebrations. The strategy is not to allow any. It's not right that we should have to deal with angry people in kilts throwing cans and smashing cars. One of our lot got hurt you know? We aren't employed to keep order, just to drive around in very exciting ways with lots of siren action and blue lights flashing. That noise - whhhooooo! - is really fantastic. After that we like to have a cup of tea and a little lie down.”

A Channel Erm spokesman said: “What parade? What match?”

Confidential then asked the whole of Greater Manchester whether they would like a Victory Parade for Sir Alex Ferguson and his team, after winning the Champions League Final fifty years on from the Munich Disaster.

Unfortunately nobody was available for comment as they were all under house arrest. Although some small children have been spotted with tears in their eyes behind windows, upset that certain mandarins have ruled that they aren't allowed to see their heroes in the flesh.

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59 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

Haha, this describes exactly what the Manchester Police and council are....a joke!

the truthMay 22nd 2008.

i was just really pleased that one of the teams lost last night..... as for a victory parade i couldn't give a monkeys, but i do think it harsh that normal people are suffering due for what appears to have been a major council blunder with the rangers fans.... they could have made a fortune and cut our council tax bills had it been arranged properly in a park!!!!

JohnthebriefMay 22nd 2008.

Has any individual come out to defend this stupid decision? I rememebr when Utd won the treble - it weas celebrated by the city, in style, with no bother. These things don't happen that often so we should grasp the chance to celebrate them when we do. Time for Mr Carney to stand up and be counted!

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

Yeah totally agree with Harry and I hope there is no Whit Walk parades either..those majorette sticks are lethal, never mind the damage the pins on the red roses can cause lol.Come on "wake up" council give the Red fans the parade they deserve.

Milo WhizzbangMay 22nd 2008.

Welcome the crazy world of Manchester City Council.Were common sense deserted a large number of years ago.Crass stupidity from a bunch pratts who couldnt run a p*ss up in a town centre.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

what broken screen? rumour has it, it was turned off on Police/Council instructions because they were afraid someone would be injured in the crush in the unlikely event Rangers scored!!!

captainregMay 22nd 2008.

If they want a victory parade they can have one in Trafford or London.

football wifeMay 22nd 2008.

does anyone have an email for Pat Karney? I think we should be saying all this to him!

rontoMay 22nd 2008.

Now I'm worried, I live in Old Trafford and actually have bits of the Gobi in my lounge. Btw, unlike your pic, Gobi camels are Bactrian double-humpers.

Mancunia1May 22nd 2008.

Anyone know what time the lads are landing at the aiport?

sarahMay 22nd 2008.

I think its a joke! Labour are a pile of poo all they have done is fill our country with foreigners and taken away our right to celebrate being british,no longer are we allowed to put up flags to support or football team, and now were not allowed to welcome home the champion league winners why cos a bunch of dirty scots trashed the place last week.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

The lqads should have a victiry parade yes. Do'nt blame manchesters labour council You had the chance to vote them out. so who do you blame

David BurbidgeMay 22nd 2008.

They let 170,000 jocks wreck the place when the average man in street wouldn't have, as normal people knew what to expect. Did the council think they'd sit around reading books ?Get your act together and grow up. It's no use closing the door after the horse has bolted !

LesleyMay 22nd 2008.

Yes Manchester United is a worldwide recognised and supported team but, contary to all the Whining posts, Man Utd have a Massive following right here! Why can't we support our team and have a parade? If nothing else it will show everyone that Manchester is full of people who can support their team, support their city and we all come out with our heads held high after the debacle of Rangers game.

LisaMay 22nd 2008.

Please please do something to get the victory parade that the team and its fans deserve. its a disgrace that Manchester is being denied this opportunity to celebrate its great success. how must we look to the rest of europe that we have won, not one, but two trophys and there is no celebration. Waiting months for the policed version of a celebration is such an anti climax. why can't the cuncillors and police come up with a way to make this happen in the next 7 days. They've had the last few weeks to set things in place. Its unforgiveable.

Not that botheredMay 22nd 2008.

Why not start the parade in Glasgow?

junkhedMay 22nd 2008.

Its totally wrong for the council to stop the victory parade!! How can they allow ANY strangers to celebrate their team (even the Rangers game turned into a farce!!) and not let their own citizens do the same!! IS IT BECAUSE YOU WONT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF IT?!!?Typical politicians........MONEY GRABBING CLUELESS IDIOTS!!Mancunia1

mancunian gay manMay 22nd 2008.

harry, although you arent anti-gayyou shoudnt really link mardi gras in to this argument.Mardi gras is a self funding event by selling of wristbands/business donation ,which on top of this donates all profits as charity money for hiv and does not pay to or take funds from the council.i agree there should be a parade even if it costs money,i was there for the 1999 parade on deansgate and thought it was a magical occasion and i was proud to be mancunian that nightAll manchester cultures and acheivements in this city should be celebrated with style.

juicy juMay 22nd 2008.

wow I can't believe that public opinion did not influence this pathetic bunch (i'm not going to call them councillors, cos they don't deserve the title). who are they representing exactly, they have totally ignored the will and wishes of the masses in our city. I am a city fan but love watching utd - great, great football and i'm extremely proud of their acheivements! shame on you - the public will have their say come the next vote!!!! I hasten to add I am also a labour supporter - disallusioned like the rest!!

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

Stan Bull - you were obviously not on the streets of Manchester City Centre last night. They were covered with utd fans celebrating. All good harmless fun - ya miserable bugger. Do i see a bit of jealousy there?

Secret SquirrelMay 22nd 2008.

I am sbsolutely delighted that there is no victory parade. Have all the love United hate Glazer people got pissed and forgotten its just a business? Why is everything such a fuss - and if the council do relent they should do it on a Sunday so that decent people who work can get home at night! If MUF-C YOO-NAH-TED want to do something for the fans why dont they do something in the ground - put on an event for all the loyal fans they rip off?Think it was the council's greed and an attempt at being London that made them think it was a good idea to host the Rangers game - pity the poor council tax payers!

HelenMay 22nd 2008.

Why do we Mancunians have to pay the price for all of those drunken Scots? None of us asked them to come to Manchester for their game so why are we now being denied the chance to celebrate our own team in our own city? At least put on a parade for us season ticket holders at Old Trafford ! Come on Pat Carney!

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

I think you'll find the screen failed because of a cheap digi box ;)

GezzabelleMay 22nd 2008.

Well said Tim

pat karneyMay 22nd 2008.

Loads of opinions and extra load of bollocks on this subject.Check out MEN today and probably Man Con tomorrow.It will all come out in the wash. I have the inside e mails PAT

Stan BullMay 22nd 2008.

QAs the vast majority of people who live and work in the city are not Manchester United supporters its a very good decision. Bravo manchester City Council.Had this been a city with passionate partisan fans then you'd have had half a million on the streets. I suggest that any summer parade should be routed to include Singapore, Dublin, St Albans and every two bit town in the UK so that "the boys" get clap, sorry clapped, all the way home.

David, SalfordMay 22nd 2008.

I am getting more angry with Manchesters arrogant Labour council, we our privilidged to have the best football team in the world and should be able to celebrate this, just because the council caused a riot with the Rangers fans with their incompetence to check a screen actually works, and then being responsible for Greater Manchester Police officers being injured, and not one council representative has apologised this is why I am not voting at the next election, get your act together or get out labour !

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

Im concerned about captainreg and anyone near him tonight. Bad things happen in threes and after united and celtic's disasterous sucesses I can only assume some sort of nuclear disaster befalling him tonight.

YoungMay 22nd 2008.

This city is a joke. It's rubbish. They sell it to foreigners and students as a city of music and sport and then in the past 12 months they f*cked off our only decent music event (D-Percussion) and now this. PAT KARNEY YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

KellyMay 22nd 2008.

Hmmm...the rant really took it out of me the first time Jonathan, I'm pooped. Basically just reiterating that once again the Rangers situation has screwed Manchester over and the alcohol restrictions placed by Tesco yesterday were laughable in light of the fact they were flogging crates of cheap lager at drunken Scots (the image of shooting fish in a barrel springs to mind. Sort of like how 'human rights' organisation Liberty is operating in one of the most liberal nations in the world instead of saving villagers from being burned as witches in Africa...a case of 'wrong place, wrong time' but hey, as someone posted above, it's seen as reasonable to stamp on your own people but downright illegal to offend anyone else. To veer myself back towards the topic, the 'precautions' taken by the council and shops (Tesco anyway) yesterday were ridiculous; the motives for allowing Rangers fans to act like small sozzled children was purely financial, and as the United fans in town last night neither had to pay for their accomodation nor three days' worth of food and drink, what's the point in letting them have some fun? Is Manchester City Council in such debt that they can no longer look after their own city but prostitute themselves to Glaswegians? Maybe I should move...

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

that's not a conspiracy! it's an admission!! Kennedy was killed, that's a fact!!

paulipipsMay 22nd 2008.

Didnt know 'Tescum' were operating booze restrictions last night although I'm not surprised . They sold beer from early morning to thousands of drunk tossers randomly wandering the city last week piddling,pooing and fighting at will.Then last night they panic at selling too much to Manchester Council tax payers who want to watch the match in their own pads with a few friends whilst peeing in proper loos. HAHAHAHAHAHAH TESCO Corp you are without doubt not only immoral but also eminently THICK AS PIGSCHIT (sic) - you consistently fail to capture the zeitgeist of the times !Like the Roman Empire your day has peaked and its going to be pleasing watching your demise . Just who is in charge of Manchester City Centres Tesco Ops who seems to be doing such a sterling job of keeping their finger on the pulse - hohohoho - time for a P60 maybe???

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

This just signifies the government of today.....if your foreign you can do whatever the hell you want and we will support you wholly....you know so you dont get upset....but if your english then sod you lot, you can pay for mistakes made by everyone else.....Bravo Manchester City Council....you bunch of tossers

Jonathan 'Tesco' Schofield - editorMay 22nd 2008.

Kelly sorry that was our fault. We were fiddling with the images in the story and you posted at the same time. Thus when we made the story live again yor rant disappeared. Please post again. By the way we've got some very good prices on anchovies at present.

MUFC UnlimitedMay 22nd 2008.

Trafford Council could have stole a march (excuse the pun)on Mcr City Council by arranging a parade. After all the coach travels the majority of the distance through the Borough of Trafford. Other cities have held their parades, its disgraceful to punish manchester citizens in this way and that is what it is - punishment.We would call upon all Man U fans to hold their own victory parade in protest to the Council. There is nothing to say that you can't hold a protest march. ok so the Team would be missing, get a replica cup or large cutout of it. Come on you Reds.

council insiderMay 22nd 2008.

yes, pat karney has got a lot to answer for, as he was the one that was responsible for organising the Ranger's fiasco!

hahaMay 22nd 2008.

united fans being famous for prawn sandwiches I’m sure would be happy to pay for entry to a celebration event in Heaton park or somewhere similar, the bar alone would fund the event, the council would make a small fortune!!! if this idea was used I’m sure everyone would be happy.... the rich united fans (used to travelling and paying well over the odds to celebrate).... the local hotels (sure to be fully booked).... the council (massive fund raising exercise)..... normal mancs (no mess in the city centre caused by outsiders!!)

ClarkeyMay 22nd 2008.

Let them have a victory Parade , Starting at Old Trafford - The majority of United Fans haven't clue where that is.......Your all just a buncg of glory hunting muppetsGet a life , And buy a Ticket

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

Even as a Manchester City supporter I want to see some support for the Man. United team's triumph last night. We need to let the 'powers that be' know that we can respect our own city just as we did in 1999, I was there to applaud them then too. I'm always in support of the City (in every which way!!) - we need to put ourselves back on the map in a favourable position after last week's shennanigans!! Let them have the parade!! - we don't need the people of Manchester to turn away from the city and all that it stands for, please let's all stand proud together and be thankful that we achieved something good again for the city last night...

JinkiesMay 22nd 2008.

We should all just turn up at Manchester Airport to welcome them back.

Raymond DiamondMay 22nd 2008.

What a crock of bollocks! The council allowed 100,000 sweaty skirt wearing pikeys with teeth like burnt fences and breath like amy winehouse into the city to spoil my evening last week. Now they wont let us clap our lads home after a hard fought season - JOKE!

pis*ed off mancMay 22nd 2008.

what a bunch of idiots our council and police chiefs are, can you imagine the scouse council leaders refusing a victory parade after such a momentous occasion.??! erm the answer is, ignorant counselors, NO.!!! Not in a million years you utter baffoons.! Believe me heads should roll for this. 250,000 people in Manchester were celebrating their great team winning last night and millions around the country and expect to celebrate some more today as they did in 1999. Has Manchester ever seen scenes like it since.?? So why deny us of this again…You have ruined what should have been a great Thursday or Friday night…pillocks.!!!

Paul JorgiMay 22nd 2008.

Let me first say I hate football with a passion, But the city should support the success of one of thier most well known assetts, there should be a victory parade and it should be supported by everyone, it was a stunning sporting achievement - t'was only a few years ago when we were being told we had to support sports in Manchester, I think it was called the commenwealth games - whats the difference, oh yeah, the politicians didn't have anything to do with the event and are feeling left out. Let the fans and team have thier moment, they deserve it.

ScepticMay 22nd 2008.

I suspect the lack of parade or big screen facilities for last night's match are more to do with commercial costs than public order concerns. Would the fact that 100,000 travelling Glasgow fans spending £millions in our city have been one reason why the city choose to put up screens and welcome them into Manchester? Perhaps the costs of putting on and policing a parade will cost the council more than it can hope to bring in from local Manchester fans.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

The lqads should have a victiry parade yes. Do'nt blame manchesters labour council You had the chance to vote them out. so who do you blame

junkhedMay 22nd 2008.

Here's Pat Karneys email address..........feel free to rant at him directly!!cllr.p.karney@manchester.gov.uk

AJs MumMay 22nd 2008.

Sod United. I'm looking forward to some real football at Wembley on Monday and the subsequent victory parade in Stockport - come on County! Not a United fan but do think the poor misguided souls who are should have their victory parade - and reckon they will anyway, with or without council or police support. What is wrong with this city? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for many kids - lots of my 8 year old son's mates have been waiting for this moment all their lives. Come on Manchester - do it for the kids!

KellyMay 22nd 2008.

Hey, where did my rant go? I thought this was a discussion forum? Is Manchester Confidential owned by Tesco now? I've become deeply suspiciousBoo Tesco!!

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

The lqads should have a victiry parade yes. Do'nt blame manchesters labour council You had the chance to vote them out. so who do you blame

junkhedMay 22nd 2008.

Mancunia1.......Just heard on the news that the United plane is due to land at 9.30 tonight!!Lets hope they get the welcome they deserve!!

minxieMay 22nd 2008.

Oops no, yr wrong there Harry.... the pink pound is hugely stronger than the "heterosexual" version.... massive disposable income: the majority of homosexuals have very few dependents/gay couples on average have zero children etc etc. Oh, and I agree: start the parade in Glasgow.

GoughyMay 22nd 2008.

I cant believe that the council aren't going to put on a parade. The 99 one was an amazing day for everyone associated with the club, and i'm as incensed as everyone else (apart from some of the bitter blues posting above) that this is not taking place. As someone above did mention however, it's our own fault for not voting out our Labour council recently, doh! As a season ticket holder I certainly won't be voting for Labour again.On a sidebar, I was very dissapointed with the Mancon supported Comedy Store event last night. I went with some friends of mine as my best man can't stand without crutches, so figured we could sit and watch in comfort, but with the atmosphere. However, to get your 'free' pint (of only fosters or john smiths, that wasn't mentioned in the ad!) you had to hand over your £10 ticket. There were no checks on the door, or the auditorium, so basically everyone in there paid £10 for a pint. As for the pie's, apparently they were great, the girl beind the bar had no idea when they were coming out, I saw one tray or about 30 pies dissapear before my eyes, and nothing after that! I wasn't about to run off away from the game to find a bite to eat, for which i'd already paid.I've already written to the management complaining about the organisation, as other bars on the locks had a list on the door, in a 'if your names not down, you aint coming in', why couldn't Comedy store at £10 a head????

HarryMay 22nd 2008.

Hope Pat Carney is not allowing a Mardi Gras this year as it is obvious he can't organise any kind of celabration in our city?Depriving the Man Utd fans of their celebrations is, " political loonacy"The heterosexual pound is stronger than the pink one Carney!!!!...(I am not anti-gay, just making a point)!

Grassy NoelMay 22nd 2008.

I love conspiracy theories. I killed that President Kennedy you know.

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

the Gobi desert would be the perfect location to allow the maximum number of United fans to celebrate without having to travel too far

AnonymousMay 22nd 2008.

... good luck if you think that you'll see them!! The 8pm radio news report said that they were being 'checked in ' on other side and then sneakily whisked away by minibus/coach. As I alluded to earlier the City needs this to get it back on track after last week's shenanigans - common sense should tell 'the powers that be' that the City needs to be seen and heard again in a good light (as soon as possible - and here is the chance) in order to secure any future events !!!

SalMay 22nd 2008.

I love you guys!

council insiderMay 22nd 2008.

Yeah, I would like to add that the Council should not be held responsible for last weeks incident...if they screened a tennis or rugby match in picc gardens and the screen went off, would the audience start a riot, and jump over the beer tent bar and raid the tills of money...NO, I DON'T THINK SO...It's about time these yobs were punished.. i feel sorry for the innocent true supporters of football, but sorry lessons need to be learnt. Also, how were the council and police supposed to know how many rangers fans would eventually pour into the city!!!..and as for apologies, how about ****ing Ranger's football club, or Glasgow City Council actually coming up with one, or as above quite rightly mentioned, TESCO's , ALDI etc who shipped in extra lorry loads of beer to feed to all the ready **** faced scots...

ktMay 22nd 2008.

does this ban include salford city council? the parade always used to go via the salford towns as that's where the major red fan base is?

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